


Scarred Angel

by Aris_World



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer, step - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Native American Character(s), Romance, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:02:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 88,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23525068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aris_World/pseuds/Aris_World
Summary: I look into those dark brown eyes, I see nothing but love and adoration. I've never seen that look before. I don't understand why he looks at me like that. I know I'm nothing special. But he can do so much better than me.
Relationships: Paul Lahote/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 56
Kudos: 73





	1. When My Eyes Met Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Before You Read:
> 
> This is part of the updated Scared Angel or as a dubbed it Scarred Angel 2.0.
> 
> Paul and Laryssa are eighteen. They are both in their last year of high school. Jayden is a Freshman along with Seth.
> 
> I am not a huge fan of the Cullens, so they won't appear often. (Sorry to those who love them!)
> 
> There will be some abuse appearing throughout the story. I will give the warning to avoid triggering those reading the story. If there is a part of the story that is triggering and I failed to mention it, please let me know.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this story.
> 
> Forever and Always,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Disclaimer- I only own my OC's and the parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before You Read:
> 
> This is part of the updated Scared Angel or as a dubbed it Scarred Angel 2.0.
> 
> Paul and Laryssa are eighteen. They are both in their last year of high school. Jayden is a Freshman along with Seth.
> 
> I am not a huge fan of the Cullens, so they won't appear often. (Sorry to those who love them!)
> 
> There will be some abuse appearing throughout the story. I will give the warning to avoid triggering those reading the story. If there is a part of the story that is triggering and I failed to mention it, please let me know and I will fix it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this story.
> 
> Forever and Always,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Disclaimer- I only own my OC's and the parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Prologue: When My Eyes Met Yours

" ** Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." - Jule Renard, Writer. **

** 7:26 a.m. Outside the Clearwater home, La Push, Washington **

"So, you're telling me after everything; Pop, Billy, and Harry shared with us... You are still refusing to accept that some of us have the spirit of the wolf running through our veins." Jayden laughed, kicking his feet up on my dash.

I rolled my eyes, huffing at him for putting his nasty vans on my beloved car. I knew the legends held some truth; I recognized that my ancestors were brave warriors. Warriors who suffered and overcame many hardships. To which I always had an immense amount of admiration and respect for them. That didn't deter my understanding of oral storytellings exaggerations. 

"Can you transform into a wolf? Can Seth? Better yet can Jacob," I questioned, sending him a smug smile when he scoffed at my counter. I glanced out the window, noticing Leah's totaled car parked on the side of the house. I could see the front end of her white corolla pushed in completely. It was a terrible accident, and she was fortunate she got out of it with minor injuries. 

"Well, no, but what reason could they have to not tell us the truth." He pointed out, digging his bony finger into my shoulder. I hit his knee, silently telling him to take his dried muddy soles off my dash. He leaned back comfortably against the leather seat, closing his eyes.

"I just think they are telling metaphors, Jay. 'Cold ones' could symbolize colonizers because... well, they're pale and they expanded into our land. The 'wolves' are the warriors who, valiantly battled against them." I suggested, as I quickly tied my wild hair up into a bun. I pulled a few baby hairs, out framing my face, staring into the rearview mirror at my reflection. "What brought this on anyway?"

I glanced at him, noticing him pulling his coat closer to his body. I reached over, cranking the heater up, tapping my fingers on the wheel, silently begging Seth to hurry up. 

"I was going through some of pop's stuff, and I came across some of his old journals. I guess I wanted to know what you think about them." He shrugged, fighting off a yawn. I frowned at him, hoping he didn't stay up all night playing video games. I was going to kill John. I loved that Jay had a male figure to look up to, but he was no help when it came to video games. 

"Hm," I murmured, tightening my hands over the wheel. "What did dad believe?" Deep down, I was curious, and from the expression on my brother's face, he knew he had captured my attention. Anything; that had to do with dad, I always wanted to hear.

"What do you think," He smirked, quirking up a bushy eyebrow. I hoped that he would let me pluck them soon. I always had to fight him to let me clean them up.

I clenched my teeth together, refraining from swatting at him since I knew he was an ass on purpose, "Don't be an ass. You know that I hate it when you try and hold your knowledge over me."

He snickered, picking at his nails. "Since you drive me to school every day-,"

"And I feed and clean up after you every single day," I interrupted, tugging on his ear playfully. Truthfully, I loved taking care of him, and I feel like it made our bond stronger.

He smacked my hand away, rubbing his ear. "AS I was saying… before I was rudely interrupted. Pop believed the legends were all true. Especially the wolves. Looks like you two didn't quite agree on everything." Jayden shifted in his seat again, perking up slightly when Seth darted out of the old brown house. I watched Seth almost slip on the mud as he ran to my car.

"Guess not, Jay," I unlocked the doors, sending a small smile to Seth when he slid in. "Morning, Seth," I handed him his morning bacon and egg sandwich.

"Morning. Sorry about the wait," He grinned, taking the sandwich, unwrapping it quickly. He shoved the corner of the sandwich into his mouth, his eyes fluttering shut, "You're the best you know that."

I chuckled at his antics, pulling out of the driveway, "Careful, the praise might get to my head. Oh, and I tried something different today. Let me know if you can taste the difference."

"And that's all she needs is a bigger head," Jayden snickered, blowing a kiss at me when he saw the glare I sent his way. "So Seth, do you believe the legends are metaphors too?"

** 8:26 a.m. La Push High, La Push, Washington **

"Butter, you added butter to the eggs instead of using vegetable oil." Seth beamed, tossing a skinny arm around my shoulder. I bent down slightly, so he wasn't standing on his toes. "You can't trick me," Seth booped my nose, smirking at Jay. 

I smiled at my feet, holding my purple binder closer to my stomach. "Damn, you're too good. I'm gonna get you one day, Seth. Just you wait." I promised, poking his stomach, so he let go of my shoulder. I stood up straighter, seeing a familiar small silver pickup pull up.

Jayden groaned, moving between Seth and me, shoving me towards the red double doors. I stumbled slightly, almost dropping my art binder. "Jeez, I can't take this any longer. Bye." I frowned at his use of force, batting his hands away from my back, wondering what had his boxers in a twist.

"See you guys after school. Have a good day." I called over my shoulder, moving away from the two boys, heading towards my locker. I smiled at a few of my friends from my different classes, narrowly avoiding a few collisions with the other students. Just as I reached my locker, someone bumped my shoulder, causing my binder to go flying out of my arms.

"Sorry!" The light-haired male shouted, darting in the opposite direction. I watched him continue on his way. Scoffing lowly at the fact that he didn't bother to stop and help me pick up my work scattered across the hall.

"Damn it." I bent down, gathering my drawings that had scattered at my feet. Grumbling to myself at my rotten luck, I organized them as I grabbed them. Just as I had reached the last paper, someone had stepped right on it, leaving behind a massive wet bootprint. "No!" I tossed the rest of my loose papers to the side, holding up the ruined portrait of my dad. It was a drawing that I had been the proudest of. I glanced up seeing, the bulky figure continuing to walk. Ignoring the fact that he had just ruined two whole days' worth of work. "You could've said sorry... ass."

I whispered, looking back down at the portrait, willing myself not to yell in anguish. I let my fingers trail against the sketch, knowing that it wasn't his fault my papers where on the floor. 

"What the hell did you just call me?" My eyes darted up at the looming figure that towered over me, and I felt unbelievably small. My blood ran cold when I recognized the man that stood before me.  _ What the hell did I just do.  _ I blinked rapidly, hoping that my eyes were playing a trick on me. I could feel the blood drain from my face because I just pissed off the most aggressive male in the whole damn school. 

I breathed in deeply, trying my best to calm my erratic heartbeat. I stood, crumpling the ruined artwork in my palm, gathering what courage I had left. I met the angriest dark brown eyes that I had ever stared at head-on. "I called you an ass."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I hope it was decent. Let me know what you think.
> 
> Edited on April 7, 2020.


	2. Let's Work This Out You and I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the prologue. To be honest, I'm very nervous about posting my new chapters but I want to try my take on what a healthy relationship looks like. Anyway, I hope you enjoy chapter 1!
> 
> Forever and Always,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of anxiety and stress. Nothing that I would deem to graphic or triggering.
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and the parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 1: Let's Work This Out. You and I.

" **You have bewitched me, body and soul." - Pride & Prejudice**

**Continued: "I called you an ass."**

"I called you an ass." I held his gaze, my sudden pride preventing me from looking away and cowering in the corner like; I wanted too. My eyebrows furrowed when he stared at me as if I had captured him in a trance. I tilted my head wondering; if he was going to do the same. "Granted, I shouldn't have c-called you an ass, and I'm sorry for that, but you ruined my project. I w-would at least like an a-apology."

He blinked rapidly, opening his mouth and closing it abruptly. Before he turned away and practically bulldozing his way through the hallway. It was as if I had suddenly contracted a fatal disease, and he had to get away from me as fast as humanly possible. I scoffed in disbelief, staring after him open-mouthed, the sheer nerve of some people. 

"Why are you frozen like that? Never mind that... we have a few minutes to get to class." A cold hand roughly grabbed my shoulder, trying to get me to move. I couldn't stop staring after him. That wasn't the reaction I expected. A tiny bit of relief was making its way into my body since it wasn't an angry response that I got from him. I had called the most vicious person an ass, and I didn't get a reaction. Maybe my luck wasn't so bad. 

I closed my mouth, failing to get the words out to convey my shock. I eyed Alex, shaking my head at the situation I encountered. "I.."

My binder was roughly shoved in my arms. "Let's go." The dark-haired male placed his hands on my shoulders again. Forcefully guiding me towards our first class. I wanted to shove him off, I couldn't find it in myself to do so. Instead, I let him treat me like a ragdoll. "You can tell me about it later."

I walked through the door, heading towards the back of the class. I slammed my things down as I replayed the one-sided conversation. It couldn't have been anything I said. "Paul didn't even **_try_** to apologize."

"What are you going on about," Alex calmly set his bag down, gesturing for me to sit. "People are staring."

I looked around the room, and sure enough, I saw multiple of my classmates staring at me in shock. I felt my cheeks heat up as I sat down, avoiding their curious gazes. "God… I keep calling attention to myself today." I buried my face in my hands, trying to ignore the embarrassment I was feeling.

Alex laughed, setting his hand on my back-patting it gently. "You act as if that's a bad thing… Now tell me, what are you so upset about?"

I peeked between my fingers, "Don't go acting crazy." I breathed in deeply, trying to figure out the best way to tell him I pissed off a volatile man. "I may or may not have pissed off Paul."

"The man whore?" Alex scoffed, pulling my hands away from my face holding them tightly in his grasp. "It's not worth getting a panic attack about. Don't concern yourself with the feelings of sleazy men. Jeez, I thought you finally snapped and killed Jay or something."

I rolled my eyes at him, pulling my hands from his tight grip. "Easier said than done. I don't know what came over me, Alex. I mean, he stepped on the portrait of my dad that I was the proudest of, and he didn't even apologize. Then I go and call him an ass, which I don't even know how he heard me. I swore I mentioned it under my breath. I get confronted by him. Instead of cowering and hiding. I stared at him head-on and demand an apology." I rushed out, pulling my hair from my bun, trying to hide my overheated cheeks. "I swear my alter ego Isabella took the reigns for a second."

He smiled at me, taking my face in both hands, squishing my cheeks together. "You, my darling are growing up. I feel like a proud dad right now."

I batted his hands away, sending him a nasty glare. "I have a headache…" I rubbed my eyes, resting my head on the cold desk. "I'm tired."

"From what?" Alex brushed away the hair that was covering my face. "Too much drama?" He teased, lightly stroking my cheek.

I scoffed at him, pulling away from his touch, "Funny… I couldn't sleep last night. Jay had a nightmare, and I didn't want to sleep; in case he had another one."

"He is; still having them? You need to take him in. That can't be healthy," Alex murmured, leaning back in his chair, flipping through my art binder. Part of me wanted to yank my; binder back from him, but I focused on massaging my temples.

"He won't go. I've tried, and mom is no help." I combed my fingers through my hair refraining; from tugging out some of the knotted strands. "The only thing I can do is be there for him." I looked around the room, seeing Paul enter the classroom. I looked away, slinking down in my seat, hoping that I would blend into it.

"What did I tell you, Rys… Sit up c'mon, no need to panic. Your knight is right here beside you." Alex placed his hand right on the back of my neck, trying to soothe me, but all it did was bring more anxiety. I knew how bad Alex's' anger could get, and if he went up against Paul, it would be a disaster.

I sent him a small smile, gripping his other hand, hoping that Paul would ignore what happened.

** 8:34 a.m. The parking lot of La Push High, La Push, Washington **

Paul made his way outside, pushing his way frantically through the late students. He knew today was going to be a fucked-up day. From the moment Paul woke up, his father had decided to finally bring back his truck on empty. He didn't bother to fill it back up, which meant he had to skip breakfast at Emily's. Since Paul had to go all the way to Forks to get the quality gas. So to say he was fucking hungry was an understatement. Then the spirits decided that since today wasn't fucked up enough. They wanted him to cross paths with his fucking imprint in the most fucked up way. He marched to his truck, resting his head against the cold glass. He fucked up.

He thought back to her and how her breathtaking brown eyes held his gaze. The shift had been instantaneous. Paul felt like the world he once knew was gone, and she was holding: the door open to a brand new world. A world where he craved to be with her or to simply exist around her. Now that he met her, it was hard to imagine how he spent so long of his life without her.

Paul banged his head against the window, trying to remember what she said after he had met her gaze. Deep down, he knew it wasn't going to help him gain any favor with her. Paul looked back at the school, wondering where she was right now and if she was thinking about him.

But the one thing he did know was that he was an idiot. An idiot for not asking her name. An idiot for not listening to her. An idiot for trying to intimidate her, and an idiot for walking away. 

He groaned, knocking his head against the window again. "It's a small school," he reassured himself.

It hadn't even been ten minutes since he imprinted, and he was already whipped for her. He knew the guys were gonna give him hell for it.

"LAHOTE! GET YOUR ASS TO CLASS," He looked up seeing the gym teacher, calling from the double doors.

He grimaced, heading back to his first class. Paul walked back through the hallway. He stopped beside the spot where he had tried to intimidate her. Paul bent down, grabbing the crumpled paper; that laid where she knelt at. He opened the paper noticing his big boot print over a beautiful sketch of an older man. Paul sighed, rubbing his hands over his face, "I fucked up."

He walked into his class, looking around the room for her in case she had the same; class. He froze when he noticed her in the back of the classroom, smiling and holding another guy's hand. Paul shoved the flash of anger down. He walked to the rear of the class stopping in front of her desk. She glanced up at him, pulling her hand back.

He noticed her shrink back further into herself when the boy beside her leaned forward. "Can we help you?"

Paul ignored the sarcastic tone from the boy beside her, choosing to focus solely on her. He unfolded the paper setting it on her desk. " I'm sorry about this."

He held his breath watching, as she ran her fingers across the crumpled paper. A small smile placed itself on her lips, and his heart almost stopped at how pretty she was. "Thank you for apologizing. I'm sorry about calling you an ass. I shouldn't have said that." She mumbled out the last bit, keeping her eyes on the paper. He leaned down, hoping that she would at least look up at him.

"Awesome. Apology accepted; you can go now." The boy beside her piped up again, reaching over to take the drawing folding it and putting it in a purple folder. "I'll toss it out later," He assured her, setting the purple folder back on her desk. "It's ruined anyway."

Paul ignored him, continuing to stare at her. She glared at the boy beside her, tapping her nails against the wood. "I accept your apology…" He trailed off, waiting for her to introduce herself.

She looked up at him, sending him an awkward grin. "Ms. Blu is giving you a death stare, you should take your seat." He turned, seeing the grey-haired woman glaring at him. He sighed, pulling out the chair in front of his imprint desk, plopping himself down heavily.

"Great now that everyone is _finally_ seated. I have some exciting news. The exciting mystery project is coming up, and I know you all are waiting for me to announce it. But, I've decided to change it up some. Ms. Blu announced holding a black bag. She ignored the collective groans from some of the students. "Instead of you, getting to pick your partners, we are going to leave it up to chance. Today, we are going to pick. So let's get started." She mixed up the little pieces of paper passing; it to the first student.

"Take a sheet, tell me who you got and pass the bag." He watched the bag make its way towards him. Paul hoped his imprint wouldn't pair with someone else. Paul sighed, looking at the bag sitting in front of him. He hadn't heard her voice call out yet, and there were three slips in the paper bag. "Mr. Lahote… we do not have all day," Ms. Blu chided, gesturing urgently to the paper bag. He closed his eyes, reaching into the paper bag, pulling one of the pieces of paper out. He unfolded the paper, praying that it wouldn't be Lisa's name. "What's the name?"

"Laryssa," He mumbled, not recognizing the name.

"Tough luck toots," He listened to the boy behind him.

Paul perked up, turning around to face his imprint. "Laryssa?" He asked, staring at her. She sent him a nod, refusing to meet his gaze, focusing solely on her desk. He grinned, turning back around to face the front.

_Laryssa._

"Alright, Alexander and Lisa are the last two. So our mystery writing project this semester is... Biographies! Here are the instructions. Not this class period, but in the next few class periods, you will be working with your partner. You and your partner have to write a biography about each other. Don't worry, this isn't presentation based. I will be the only one reading the biographies you make." She smiled, clapping her hands excitedly. Paul eyed the questions, thankful at the opportunity to get to know Laryssa. 

** 10:05 a.m. Gym, La Push High, La Push, Washington **

"Laryssa, Kim, Jenny, and Lisa, you all have five extra laps," Coach Mig yelled, blowing his whistle twice. "Get going! Hustle!"

I sighed, bending down to tie my shoe. "Alex, make you late again?"

I glanced up, taking Kim's outstretched hand. "Doesn't he always. Jared, make you late?"

"Of course. Jared can be such a needy puppy sometimes," she giggled, pulling her hood over her head. "Run together?"

I smiled, zipping my jacket up. "Always. Oh, and by the way, Ms. Blu's project is biographies. She is leaving our partners to chance," I mumbled the last part, wondering how I managed to have so much rotten luck.

"That's not too bad. I mean writing biographies are easy; it's the partner part I'm nervous about," Kim huffed, slowing down to a jog. "I don't talk to anyone in my class."

"It'll be okay, Kim," I tried to sound enthusiastic. "I'm sure you'll get a great partner!"

"I bet you got paired with Alex," Kim stated, tugging her hood off. "If Jared saw me without my hood, he'd worry about me getting sick, but it keeps sliding down."

I laughed, glancing over at the boy's gym class seeing, them flipping tires. "Good thing he doesn't have gym this period."

"I know. It's good to have some girl time though," She looped her arm through mine as we started to walk. "So do you and Alex even have to ask each other the biography questions, or are you guys just gonna write it."

"Alex and I aren't partners for the biography." I hesitated, biting my lip harshly. I wasn't sure if I should tell Kim about my concerns since Jared happened to be Paul's friend. "I got partnered with Paul." I started cautiously, watching the guys struggle with the pacer test.

"Don't believe what you hear, Laryssa. He's nice, and he won't bite your head off," Kim said, pulling me to a stop. "I mean, he can be a little rough around the edges, but your nice, so I don't see why he wouldn't be nice back. Unless it's something else and possibly you want to sleep with him. But you don't know how to tell me. I mean, that's totally your call, and you'd get no judgments from me."

I chuckled at how fast Kim backtracked. Silently thankful for the cool breeze against my warm cheeks. Everyone knew how handsome some of the guys were. Paul was undoubtedly attractive, but I knew he wouldn't have even turned my way if I hadn't insulted him. Little miss nobody calling him an ass, put me on the map. Probably right where his shit list would be. Alex would've murdered me and brought me back to life. Just to kill me again if I even mentioned that I thought Paul was attractive. 

I blinked; rapidly when Kim snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Sorry… No… it's just I called him an ass this morning. But it was out of anger, and I didn't mean for him to hear it. We both apologized, but I'm still nervous. Paul looked angry, Kim."

"Well, how did he look when he apologized," Kim asked, starting to walk again. "Was he still angry? I mean, he usually doesn't apologize, but wait… you called him an ass?" Kim tugged on my arm, stopping again. She slapped her cold hand against my forehead, "Are you sick?"

I shoved her lightly rolling my eyes, "I didn't look at him when he apologized. But he sounded genuine," I bit my lip. "I couldn't even look at him when he picked me as his partner. Alex mentioned that he grinned evilly, whatever that means."

"Alex is probably just upset because he didn't get partnered with you." Kim shrugged, locking arms with me again. "Don't be nervous about Paul. I'll make sure he's extra nice to you."

"Kim," I huffed. "Please don't. I don't want to start anything. Everything is going to be normal. It's as if you and I didn't talk about this. Please, Kim."

"Fine," She sighed dramatically, walking towards the gym doors.

"We have five extra laps, Kim," I whined, digging my heels into the track. "Coach is gonna get mad."

"It's raining. The coach wouldn't want us to get sick," She smirked, holding her hands out. I huffed, barely feeling the drizzle of rain. "C'mon Laryssa."

** 11:15 a.m. Room 14, La Push High, La Push, Washington **

"So, I'm just going to ask you outright and do not lie to me. Did you mean your apology this morning," Paul glared at Kim's excessively high voice. "Because I will castrate you if you decide to be an ass to her."

There was only one person he apologized to, and the mention of her had him perking up and leaning closer to Kim's desk. "You know, Laryssa?"

Kim eyed him, pursing her lips. She leaned back against her chair, bringing her legs up to her chest. "Did you do what I think you did?" He crossed his arms, leaning away from her, trying his best to hide his grin. "Oh my god…" She giggled, sitting up straight. "Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god!"

Paul kicked her seat silently telling, her to shut up. "And if I did," He murmured, setting his hand on top of his folder that held her drawing. "Would that be a bad thing?"

"No. I'm happy for you. Both of you," Kim smiled, shaking her head lightly. "She's a great person. I'm so excited for you. I can see you guys getting along. Now that I think about it. You and Laryssa are perfect for each other!"

Paul grinned, letting his fingers run circles over the folder. He could've met her sooner if he had paid attention to Kim's friends. "I didn't know you were friends. I've only seen you talk to Jared."

"We've had gym together for four years now. Since Laryssa and I are always late, we have to run extra laps. So three years ago, we started running together," Kim said, looking down at the worksheet. "I'm so excited for you guys."

"She won't even look at me," Paul sighed. He tried so hard to meet her gaze once their class had ended, but she only focused on Alex. "She's dating Alex, isn't she." He pushed down the anger building at the bottom of his stomach.

"No." She denied, tucking the worksheet into her folder. "They've been friends since middle school. She's like me before Jared, only ten times as shy and nervous."

He perked up slightly, but he had seen Alex's eyes on her. Paul knew that look; it was the look Jacob had for the paleface. "She didn't seem nervous when she called me an ass," He chuckled, admiring the way she was able to hold his gaze.

"That doesn't sound like her, but I bet you that all she wanted to do was curl in a corner," Kim grinned, shaking her head. Paul felt terrible when Kim mentioned that she probably wanted to curl in a corner. That was the last thing he wanted for her. "When she told me that she called you an ass, I had to make sure she wasn't sick." 

"Why did you ask if I meant my apology?" He stared at Kim, wanting her to divulge everything she knew about Laryssa. "Did she not want to be my partner?"

"She just mentioned that you looked angry," Kim shrugged, holding in a yawn. "I just told her that you would be extra nice to her and not worry what everyone says about you. I don't think you have to worry about any of the rumors, Paul." she rested her head against the desk, closing her eyes. "She's just nervous by nature, I don't think it has anything to do with being your partner or not."

Paul nodded, deciding that he would talk to her one on one without her friend around. He flipped open the folder studying the drawing. His boot print had faded into the; drawing. He closed his eyes, thinking about the flash of hurt that crossed her face. Alex shouldn't have tossed the drawing into the trash. Paul opened his eyes, looking down at the older man. Whoever he was, he had to have been, important to her, and he couldn't wait to get to know her and to know who this man was to her.

** 11:55 a.m. Cafeteria, La Push High, La Push, Washington **

"Enough, Alex," I hissed, pulling my art notebook away from him. He was criticizing all of my artwork, and it was beginning to stress me out. "What is with you today," I questioned shoving my lunch away no longer hungry.

He picked up the rest of my leftover turkey sandwich, biting into it. "I'm not the one that's acting weird toots. After your little altercation, you have been all over the place." I looked away from him, heaving myself up from the bench. "Where are you going?"

"I forgot my chocolate in my locker, I'm going to get it. I'll be back in a bit," I huffed, spinning away from Alex. I pushed past some of the other students, letting the doors slam behind me. I rubbed my hand across my face angrily, accidentally colliding with a warm body. I squealed, dropping my notebook, landing on my ass. "Shit sorry," I glanced up, meeting Paul's worried gaze.

He kneeled his worried eyes boring into mine before he scanned my body. I sent him an awkward smile feeling my cheeks start to heat up rapidly. I pulled my coat closer, "Are you normally this clumsy?" He questioned, smiling, leaning over to grab my notebook while offering me his other hand to help me up.

I put my hand in his, letting him pull me up. I grimaced, gently taking my notebook from him. "I just like attacking the floor sometimes," I mumbled internally, scolding myself for sounding so childish.

"Backwards," He teased. I looked at him, noticing the smile still on his face.

"I have to keep it on its toes," I laughed; at my embarrassment.

"I'm guessing every time you attack it, it still wins." Paul murmured, leaning down to pick up his bag that must have fallen when I bumped into him.

"Yup," I nodded, looking at my shoes. "Sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going." I hugged my notebook closer to me.

"I don't mind. Accidents happen. Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something," Paul trailed off, glancing at someone behind me. "Hold on a sec," He looked down at me, sending me an apologetic glance. I nodded, looking behind me only to see Embry. He sent me a small grin, accompanied by a wave.

I smiled and waved back. Embry glanced between Paul and I. "It can wait," He waved Paul away heading into the cafeteria.

"Sorry about that." Paul sighed, staring down at me. "You know Embry," He asked, leaning against the wall.

"Yeah, he's my partner in science," I stated, looking down the hall. "I was going to get my chocolate bar in my locker. Do you mind if-"

"I can walk you to your locker," He interrupted, rubbing the back of his neck. "If you don't mind the company," Paul trailed off, looking unsure.

"If you don't mind walking to the other side of the school." I smiled hesitantly, starting to walk in the direction of my locker. "Sorry, chocolate always helps me when I'm stressed," I mumbled, watching him in my peripheral vision. "What did you want to talk about?"

He breathed deeply, clenching, and unclenching his hands. "I know we got off on the wrong foot this morning, and I wanted to talk to you about it." I glanced at him, feeling my stomach drop slightly. "I am sorry about the intimidating thing I did. I didn't realize I messed up your art."

I stopped walking, sending him a small smile. "I'm sorry too. I was angry, and calling you an ass was unacceptable. Thank you for apologizing, I truly appreciate it."

"Do you mind if we start over," Paul asked, turning to face me. I nodded to him feeling the anxiety melt away. "I'm Paul."

"Laryssa."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what y'all think!
> 
> Edited on January 21, 2020.


	3. I've Got You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is doing well. I hope you guys liked Chapter 1. I'm excited for you to read Chapter 2 and to read what you guys think. Anyway, happy reading!
> 
> Always and Forever,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, stress and a small amount of abandonment.
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 2: I've Got You

" **Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye." - H. Jackson Brown Jr.**

**8:55 p.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington**

"Thanks for dinner," Jayden rubbed his stomach, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. "We really need to clear off the dinner table." I glanced at the table, wrinkling my nose at the mountains of loose papers. I knew it was starting to bother him, but I didn't want to deal with my mothers' anger. "I mean, this is cool and all, but it's not healthy to eat like this. But it is convenient with the TV right here."

"Mom said not to touch it," I reminded gently, gathering the plates and getting up to wash the dishes. "So leave it alone, please." I glanced at him, seeing his fists clench and unclench.

Jayden scoffed, crossing his arms. "Mom hasn't been here in four months. So why should it matter?" He glared at the stack of papers like they personally offended him. It pained me to think that my mom had only seen Jay the day she had come to visit. I haven't seen her physically in two years, and I tried to push down the jealousy I felt towards him. Even if it was only for a day. I craved her hugs and cheek kisses. 

"I know, but she called last week, reminding me not to touch the papers. You know she's working on her book Jay," I murmured, going back to sit next to him; I reached over, ruffling his hair. "Do you want to talk about it," I asked softly, not wanting him to get upset.

"No. I'm going to my room. Night," He leaned over, pushing my hand lightly. I inhaled deeply, slumping against the couch. "Rys… doesn't it bother you that she cares more about fame than us?"

I looked back at him, noticing his face drop. I got up, leaning against the wall, afraid to get closer, so I didn't frighten him off. "Sometimes it does," I admitted, staring at the tips of my shoes. I faltered for a moment, feeling like I was belittling mom's dream. I knew my mom was trying her best, and I had to back her up. "But she helps pay for the house and the food on our table. If she needs to be in New York to have her muse, then who are we to stop it?" The words tasted fake on my tongue. She could've come to visit us more, and I wanted to tell him my true feelings. I just didn't want Jay to deal with my bitterness. 

He grimaced, running his hand through his hair. "You don't understand. Good night." I stared after him, his shoulders slumped as he made his way to his room.

"Then help me understand," I whispered, sliding down the wall when I heard his door close. I closed my eyes, silently pleading for my father to give me guidance. Mom was counting on me to raise him right, and every time I tried to talk to him, I knew I made it worse. " How can I help you if you don't let me in?"  _ What am I doing wrong? _

I pulled out my phone, contemplating whether to call mom and ask her if I could package up her papers and send them to her. It seemed like they were causing Jay distress, and I wanted to ease his anguish for him. But if she mentioned, them then it was a sign that she might be coming home soon. I dialed her number, deciding not to bother her with the papers just yet, I just wanted to hear her voice.

I perked up slightly when the phone clicked. "Hiya baby," her tired voice crackled through the phone. I almost felt bad about bothering her. My excitement of hearing her voice outweighed my thoughts of disturbing her. "It's eleven o'clock here. Why are you calling so late?" She sounded grumpy, and my excitement started to diminish. 

"Sorry, mom, I can call you tomorrow," I offered, hoping she would reject the idea and talk to me. I missed her, and deep down, I hope she missed me too.

She sighed into the phone, letting out a loud yawn. "Call me tomorrow."

"Okay. Love you," I bit my lip, allowing the disappointment I felt to wash throughout my tone.

"You too," She yawned again, clicking off the line.

I stared at the phone, swallowing the lump that was starting to build in my throat. I allowed myself to feel the hurt of my mom, not saying I love you back. "You're used to this. It doesn't matter," I mumbled to myself, pulling my hollow self off the floor. I cleared my throat, looking at the mountain of dishes. I closed my eyes, not wanting to deal with the dirty dishes.

** 7:54 a.m. First Beach, La Push, Washington **

I watched the waves, clutching one of the rugged, stones letting the pain spread across my palm. It was nice to feel something other than the anxiety creeping up my spine. "Today is the day, dad," I smirked, sending a quick glance up towards the cloudy sky. "I'm nervous. I don't want to send it, but Alex thinks it's a good idea." I shut my eyes imagining, his easy-going smile, and the piece of dark hair flopping on his forehead. I wanted nothing more than to have one of his comforting hugs. 

"Laryssa?"

I jerked up, clutching my pounding heart, peering up at Embry's bashful smile. "Jeez Em, why'd you have to frighten me half to death?" I rubbed my chest as if that would calm my rapid heartbeat.

He laughed, moving to sit next to me. "You get scared easily. How come you're here so early?"

I brought my knees to my chest, sticking my tongue out at him. "I like to come out here and think." I bit my lip, holding in a yawn. "Aren't you cold," I eyed his jean shorts and navy shirt, as I pulled my coat and blanket closer to me. His arms didn't have any goosebumps. "Here," I started to pull my, blanket; off my shoulders, frowning when he stopped me. 

"No, it feels nice out," He shrugged, digging in his pocket pulling, out a bag of gummy bears. "So, Paul?" He offered me the bag with a lopsided grin. I blinked a few times, noticing that his smile was like my dad's. That similarity made the ache in my chest all the more prominent. I missed my dad more than anything, and life ultimately sucked without him in it.

I scoffed at him, taking a red and green gummy bear. "It's not what you think. We are partners for a project," I explained, pursing my lips. "He seems nice," I murmured offhandedly, tossing the rugged stone to the side, flexing my numb hand.

"He is," Embry agreed, digging his feet into the cool sand. "Just don't eat his food," He chuckled with a yawn. I eyed him, noticing a bit of stubble growing on his chin. He had light circles underneath his eyes, and I wondered why he wasn't getting enough sleep. "So, what are you thinking about so early in the morning?"

"I'm doing some artwork for my mom's book, and I have to send it in today, but it doesn't feel complete to me. Alex thinks I should just send it in," I sighed, taking another red gummy bear. "So I came out to think about it and to try and figure out what's missing."

Embry tossed a bear up in the air, catching it in his mouth. I cheered when it landed in his mouth, smiling at his easy-going smile. I was trying my hardest to not see my dad's smile. "What happens if you don't send it?"

"I don't know, and I really don't wanna find out," I admitted, pulling my knees to my chest. Not only would I get crap from my mom, but I was also dealing with a professional company. This was my work ethic on the line. "Alex thinks I'm just being a diva about my art."

"You care about something important to you," Embry said, looking at me with a small frown on his face. "Alex doesn't know what he's talking about. You are an artist, and you know what you need for your art. Don't listen to him," He stared back at the ocean.

I watched him, a smile worming its way onto my face. It felt good to have someone believe in me. It made me feel like I wasn't being crazy. "Thanks, Em."

He grinned, offering me another bear. "You'll find what you're missing. You're an amazing artist." I bumped his shoulder in thanks. 

"So, why are you out so early," I questioned, taking one of the colorless bears, hoping that my taste buds had changed. I bit into the bear, grimacing at the taste. I swallowed it, trying to get the taste out of my mouth. Nope still couldn't do it. 

"I got off work, and I just wanted some peace before I go home," Embry stretched, plopping the rest of the gummy bears on my lap. I understood the peace he craved. The beach had come to be my source of peace. "Hey, Rys, I'm gonna head home, you can have the rest," he gestured to the bag. "But remember what I said, okay?" I nodded with a grin. I watched him get up, dusting the sand off his shorts.

I held up the bag wrinkling, my nose at the colorless and yellow gummy bears. I pulled out my phone swiping, past Alex's message. Deep down, I knew I should get up and go, so I could figure out what was missing. But I couldn't find it in myself to get up. I had stared at the pages so many times, and I still haven't figured it out. I locked my phone, resting my head on my knees.

"You didn't attack the floor again, right?"

I jerked up, clutching my racing heart for the second time. I looked to my left, seeing Paul kneeling in the sand. My terrified heart was going to give out on me one day. I smiled, pushing my face into my knees. I peeked at him, seeing his eyes still on me. I breathed in deeply, lifting my head to look at him. "I'm not gonna live that down am I?"

He shrugged his shoulders, moving to sit beside me. "I think I'll keep it alive for a while." I scoffed, brushing my hand over my face trying not to smile again. I watched him grin from the corner of my eye.

I stretched my legs out, reaching to grab a broken white shell next to my ankle. "You just missed Embry," I stated, setting the gummy bears to the side. I turned the white broken shell in my palm, studying the ridges. "He left his gummy bears," I grasped the bag, offering them to him.

"You don't want them," Paul asked, taking the bag shifting, them as if he was looking for something. His nose wrinkled when he didn't find what he was looking for. It seemed like Embry, and I had eaten all of the red and green ones. 

"Don't like those colors," I asked, turning to face him. He shrugged, popping one of the colorless ones into his mouth.

"They aren't my favorite, but I'm hungry," He chewed, pulling one of his legs up to his chest leaning, his forearm on his knee. I tossed the shell to the side, twirling my thumbs. "It's nice to have the sun out."

I looked towards the sky, seeing the sun peeking out from behind the clouds. "Yeah, it is," I smiled, hearing a car door slam in the distance. I closed my eyes, focusing on feeling the warmth. I shivered when a gust of wind blew my hair away from my face. I opened my eyes when my phone pinged. I pulled it out, seeing another text from Alex.

** Knight: SRSLY? TXT ME NOW. **

I swiped the message, turning my sound off pocketing my phone. I couldn't handle him right now. If I heard his criticisms, I was going to explode. "Everything okay?"

I glanced at Paul, seeing the deep frown that crossed his face. I sent him a small smile, pulling the blanket closer to me. "Yeah, so what brings you out to the beach?" I changed the subject, not wanting to think about Alex and his pushy attitude. The beach was peaceful, and I wanted to keep the peace with me as long as I could. 

"LARYSSA!" I winced, hearing Alex's frustrated voice. I tensed, not daring to turn to where I heard his voice echo. He hated the beach, and I did not expect him to come looking for me here. That was the whole reason I picked the beach.

"Shit," I cursed, peeking over Paul's shoulder, seeing Alex walking away from where I was sitting. I let out a breath when I realized Paul's form kept me hidden from Alex's view. I scooted closer to Paul, hoping that Alex wouldn't come towards us. "I'm sorry that I'm in your space, once he is gone I'll move," I rushed out, ignoring my pounding heart. "He hates the beach, he'll leave soon."

Paul stared at me as he straightened his back, so his form towered over mine. We didn't speak for a good five minutes, and I was too much of a wimp to see if Alex was still stomping around on the beach. He exhaled after a while, "He's leaving," Paul stated, turning to look at me.

I sagged in relief, pulling my legs to my chest again. I rested my head on my knees, trying to stop the pounding of my heart. I just knew that one day my heart was going to give up on me. I put it through too much sometimes. "Sorry," I mumbled, not daring to look at Paul. I acted like a complete wimp, and I couldn't bring myself to see his reaction. I blinked rapidly; as I felt my eyes burning from my humiliation.

"Hey," A warm hand rested on my back. "Laryssa, it's okay." I looked at him expecting to see him angry or judging me at my wimpy antics, but the only thing I could see was worry splashed across his face. "It's okay. You're okay." I took a deep breath, closing my eyes trying, to ignore the shame building in my chest. I focused on the warmth radiating from his palm.

** 8:37 a.m. First Beach, La Push, Washington **

Paul watched Laryssa as she breathed in, avoiding his gaze as she rested her head on her knees. He wanted her to look at him, but he could see that she was visibly unsettled. Paul kept his hand on her back, needing to feel her. So, he didn't lose control. He turned his head slightly, listening to Alex drive away. Paul found himself relaxing completely. He could no longer hear the tires meeting the gravel. He looked over his imprint, seeing her hands shaking under her knees. 

Paul wanted to pick her up and hold her against him until she felt better. He didn't think she would respond well to that. So Paul tried a different tactic. "Laryssa," He whispered, trying not to startle her. She opened her eyes, looking down at the sand. "Can I show you something?"

Her eyes darted to his like she was searching for something. She looked away, nodding ever so slightly. He stood up slowly, offering a hand to her, making sure it was in her line of sight. Laryssa bit her lip so hard that it started turning white. She stared at his hand before taking it. He grabbed her hand, pulling her up gently, fixing the blanket around her shoulders. He held her hand, pulling her towards the tree line.

** 9:04 a.m. First Beach, La Push, Washington **

Paul looked back at her, seeing her trail her eyes over the trees. "Almost there," He reassured her, locating the opening between the trees. She glanced at him before she ducked her head, avoiding his gaze. He broke through the trees, looking out at the vast ocean. He let go of her hand, moving to sit down on one of the boulders. "I found this during one of my morning runs," He admitted watching the waves crash against each other. "Only you and I know about it," Paul refused to acknowledge that the guys only knew about it because of the mind link. He wanted to have something that was just for the two of them. It was a place he came when he needed to think or to calm down. 

He dared to peek at her only to see her staring at the ground instead of the view. He walked over to her, setting his hands on her shoulders, startling her out of her trance. "I'm s-sorry."

"Hey," Paul murmured, fixing the blanket on her shoulders again. "Don't apologize, it's okay. What happened?" Laryssa avoided his eyes, looking anywhere but at him. He faltered, she had no reason to trust him. "You don't have to tell me," He backtracked, letting his hands slide down to her upper arms. "What can I do to help you?"

Laryssa looked at him, setting one of her hands on his hand. "You've done m-more than e-enough," She patted his hand gently, sending him a smile that looked forced. "Thank y-you." She stepped away from his hands, brushing her fingers across her face. "I uh o-owe you an e-explanation."

"You don't owe me anything, Laryssa. I just want to know if you are okay," Paul said, moving to stand next to her. He didn't want to force anything out of her. If she wanted to give him the information willingly, then Paul would accept it. He could feel his body start to shake as he thought about her reaction more in-depth. If Alex had done something to her, Paul would make sure that he paid for the harm he caused her.

He faltered, slightly then she tugged the blanket over his shoulders. Paul stared at her, watching her avoid his gaze. She breathed in deeply before she stared up at him. "I'm okay." She mumbled, looking away again, pulling the blanket tighter across his shoulder. Letting her fists rest on his chest. 

"I'm not cold," He smiled, slightly setting his hands on top of her clenched fists. "See."

"You're shaking, keep the blanket on." She bit her lip, letting her hands fall away from the blanket. Laryssa turned, staring out at the view. "I-"

"You don't have to tell me anything," Paul stressed, interrupting her. He kept the blanket on his shoulders to appease her. "Whatever happened, it's okay, I don't need to know."

"Paul," She sighed, running her hand through her hair. "It's okay, I want to tell you." Laryssa moved again, sitting on the boulder. "The attacks happen sometimes. Mainly when I get stressed, and Alex was starting to stress me out." She paused, pulling out her phone, glaring down at it. She held down the power button; before shoving it in her pocket. "Sorry."

"How is he stressing you out," Paul moved to sit next to her, making sure he wasn't crowding her.

"I have an art deadline for my mom's book. I feel like something is missing, but Alex insists I'm just being a diva." She mumbled, leaning down to grab a blade of grass. "He told me to just turn it in, but something is missing. I came out here to think, but he keeps bugging me." Laryssa turned to look at him. "He's very critical of my art, and I can't handle that right now, so I freaked out when I heard him. That's why I asked you to hide me. I didn't mean to put you in that position. I'm sorry."

Paul removed the blanket from his shoulders, placing it around hers, sending her a small smile. "Don't apologize, it's okay. If you think something is missing from your art, then there must be something missing. I think you know yourself and your confidence in your work, trust yourself." He stated, wanting nothing more to rest his hands on her shoulders. "Maybe you should tell him, it might help," Paul offered, watching her eyes fall to her lap. "What else is on your mind?"

"What if he's right," She whispered, letting her hair fall, so it shielded her face. "What if I am being dramatic?"

"What if you're not being dramatic," Paul stated moving so he kneeled in front of her slumped form. "I have an idea." He said, waiting for her to look at him. "If you're open to it."

Laryssa sighed, pushing her hair away from her face staring at him. "What is it?"

"Walk me through your work. Sometimes talking about a problem might help you come up with a solution." He shrugged, taking a moment to observe her. His eyes trailed over her face, noticing slight circles under her eyes and a small scar on her upper lip.

"You think so," She asked, sitting up straighter. Paul watched the hope slowly tickle into her brown eyes.

"It can't hurt to try." He stood up, sending her a grin, offering his hand to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what y'all think!
> 
> Edited on March 13, 2020.


	4. Are You Sure?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe during this tough time. I hope you guys liked Chapter 2. I'm excited/nervous for you to read Chapter 3. This chapter goes into the subject of tribal boarding schools, not too much in-depth but it can be a hard topic to talk about for some people because of the past traumas. I had a bit of a hard time with this chapter, I am half Tohono O'odham and I was able to connect a bit with this because of what my grandpa endured in those horrid places and the stories I have heard from others. Sometimes, when the kids came back they weren't the same and they turned to substance abuse to escape the pain.
> 
> Always and Forever,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, stress, tribal boarding schools, abuse, and a small amount of abandonment.
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 3: Are You Sure?

" **We accept the love we think we deserve." -** **Stephen Chbosky,** **The Perks of Being a Wallflower**

** 9:48 a.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington **

Paul looked around the room, noticing the various paintings hanging around the room. The room was full of life. "This is where you work?" He asked, staring closely at the artwork of the forest with light streaming from between the trees. It was a breathtaking scene, and he couldn't pull himself to look away. 

"Yeah," She hummed, moving things around. "Sorry about the mess," She winced when a cup of paintbrushes fell. Paul moved to pick them up, smirking slightly; when she waved her hand at him to ignore it. "Thanks," She blushed when he handed her the cup. Laryssa set it off to the side, wincing when the cup; fell over again on the paint-splattered desk. Laryssa shrugged, turning her attention back to the projector she had set on the colorful desk. "Let me just pull this up real quick and we can get started."

He nodded, turning his attention back to the forest painting. He focused on the detailed light streaming from the trees. It almost looked like people emerging from the trees in a light form. "What do you see," She asked, moving to stand next to him. He glanced at her. "There is no wrong answer." She sent him a shy smile looking back at the painting. Paul realized she wanted his opinion on the piece.

"It looks like people coming from the trees. In the form of light," He gestured to the painting, focusing on one of the fallen trees that looked familiar. He couldn't place the fallen trees, he knew that he had seen them somewhere. "This looks familiar," He commented, trying to figure out the place where he saw it at. She stepped closer to him, and he could feel her warmth. "I feel like I've been there."

"You might have. I got inspired by one of the hiking trails. Alex wanted to hike near the beach, and we stumbled across this beautiful scene." She smiled, pointing to one of the fallen trees. "My dad used to tell me that my grandfather loved the fallen trees. I guess he would always climb them as a boy. My grandfather had to go to a boarding school, and he would get beat for climbing the trees. So when I came across it. I felt like I had to honor him, so I climbed it, and when I reached the top, I knew what I was going to draw next." She sighed, reaching out to touch the tree. Paul recognized the pain and anguish. The trauma from those schools often bled through the generations as time went on. "The light symbolizes our people." Laryssa trailed off wistfully. "I viewed it as the souls of the children broken in the schools. When they came back home, their light tried to come back."

"It looks like the darkness around the light is still trying to put them out." Paul frowned, eyeing the way the darkness swirled around the light figures. It brought him back to what his grandfather used to murmur after a couple of beers. He was too familiar with the phrase:  _ kill the Indian, save the man. _ "The symbolism you have is mindblowing Laryssa." He murmured, looking at her, wishing he could form something better. A compliment; that would do her art justice. There was pain and suffering in the painting, yet he could sense the hope. Hope that as the generations healed, the cycles of pain would break. "The way you have this. It gives the finger to what  _ they _ did and what that stupid saying tried to do. It shows that our people survived, our way of life and culture  _ still _ survived."

Laryssa stared at him, her eyes trailing over his face. "Yeah, survivors." She looked away, he could see her eyes starting to water. He felt his throat start; to tighten. He wished that his ancestors never had to have been survivors."The projector is up." Laryssa breathed in sharply, rapidly blinking her eyes as she stared back at the painting.

"What's wrong," Paul moved away from the painting, sitting on one of the wooden stools. He pulled the other one, patting it gently.

"RYS!" A young male yelled, poking his head through the door. Paul looked at him, nodding at him when his eyes passed over to him. Paul stared at the kid, noticing his hair sticking up in different directions. "Oh, hey," He smiled, nodding back.

"What's up," She asked, fiddling with a paintbrush. Laryssa moved towards him when he yawned, running her fingers through his bed hair. "Did you sleep well?"

"No, Alex is blowing up my phone. I thought I told you to tell him to lose my number." He stated, holding his phone up, batting her hand away. "But it looks like you're busy. So I'll handle it." Paul watched Laryssa fidget uncomfortably when her brother mentioned Alex.

"Jay, this is my friend Paul. Paul, this is my little brother Jayden," Laryssa introduced, holding her hand out for the phone. Her brother grinned, setting the phone in her palm. Jayden moved over to the empty seat, staring at Paul, releasing out another yawn.

"You friends with Alex," He asked, rubbing his eye, grabbing a bottle of purple paint twirling it around in his palm.

Paul paused, staring at him, noticing the dark circles underneath his eyes. "No." He glanced at Laryssa, frowning slightly at the frustrated look on her face. 

"Don't like him," Jayden inquired, staring at him, tossing the bottle to the side. He snickered, standing up stretching. "I can already tell from your face, you don't like him." Jayden eyed Laryssa, "I don't like him that much either, but I trust my sister." Paul smirked, shaking his head lightly. He found himself watching Laryssa again. He watched her bite on her bottom lip as she typed on the phone.

"Here," She put his phone on the desk, picking up the paint bottle he tossed to the side. "If he messages again, just ignore it. Sorry, he woke you, Jay, did you eat yet?"

He picked up his phone, shoving it in his pocket. "Not yet, but Seth is coming over. After your done, can you make that chicken thing?"

"Yeah, pull out the chicken and put it in cold water." She instructed, tying her hair up. Laryssa turned to Paul, "After this, do you want to stay for lunch?"

** 10:53 a.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington **

I kicked my legs back and forth, staring at the image. "At first, I thought it was the colors or the decor, but it feels like something more than that." I glanced at Paul, watching him as he studied the projection. I studied him, watching his brow furrow as he concentrated.  _ Why are you helping me? _ I wanted to ask, but I bit into my cheek.

"What's supposed to happen in the scene," He asked, leaning forward. 

I hopped off the desk moving, to the side of the projection. "Jack's wife was just murdered by the man who was stalking her. This scene resembles what happened when Jack found Mel. I have Jack holding Mel's body and the stalker-" I paused, looking at the room I'd sketched.

"What is it," Paul asked, moving to stand beside me.

"I forgot the stalker's eyes. In the book, my mom had the stalker in the bedroom as Jack held Mel's body." I rushed towards the computer, quickly sketching the eyes gleaming from under the bed. I grinned, looking down at the completed piece. "It feels complete now. Thank you. Are you sure you don't wanna stay for lunch?"

"You're welcome." I glanced up at Paul, seeing him grinning down at me. "I want to. Unfortunately, I have to get to work. But I'll see you Monday?"

I smiled at him, "Yeah, Monday." I walked him to the front door. I watched him jog to his truck; he turned back to me waving, I waved back, shutting the door. I leaned against the door, letting the feeling of relief wash over me. I closed my eyes, remembering how kind he had been when I panicked. I breathed in deeply, remembering his warm hand in mine, "You have no idea how much you helped me." I had misjudged him for being an ass, and that was a mistake I wasn't going to make again. I smiled to myself when I thought of how he asked questions, and patiently let me talk about each scene. 

"I think that's the first time you've brought a guy home that wasn't Alex," Jay muttered, leaning against the wall in the hallway. I looked at him, standing up from the door. "That was Paul Lahote, wasn't it?" His tone didn't sound accusing; instead, Jay's tone conveyed how worried he was.

"It's not like that, Jay," I cringed, realizing what my brother was thinking. "He's a-" I paused, realizing that I wasn't sure if we were friends, "friend."

Jay eyed me skeptically. "You don't sound so sure."

I wasn't sure, but he didn't need to know that. "What are you getting at?" I asked, wanting him to get to the point.

"You never show anyone your art, and suddenly this stranger is in your art room. You hate it when Alex goes in there," He explained, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm just curious Rys, what are you doing?" I sighed, rubbing my face. Paul had offered to help, and I was desperate, and he hadn't given me a reason to not trust him. In fact, he had given me multiple reasons to trust him. "You don't even know, do you?"

"I'm making a new friend." I huffed, not understanding why I was getting the third degree. "I understand your worries, and I don't want to dismiss them. But, I trust Kim. Paul has been nothing but nice to me." I wanted to tell him everything that happened at the beach, but I knew it would only fuel his anger towards Alex.

Jayden rolled his eyes, moving closer to me. "You've heard the rumors-" I held my hand out to stop him. He was starting to sound like Alex, and I didn't want to hear it. "But-"

"I don't want to hear it. I've heard it from Alex already," I stated, brushing past him. He scoffed, and I realized that I had made him mad. I shouldn't have brought up a similarity between him and Alex. "He might be a nice guy Jay, shouldn't I be able to figure that out for myself?" I called, walking into the kitchen.

"You can be too sensitive sometimes," He grunted, hopping on the counter. I glanced at him, seeing the worry plastered on his face. "I don't want you to end up like the other girls."

I grimaced at his sensitive comment. "I'll take what you say into account, but you aren't my protector," I leaned against the counter, crossing my arms. "You are my brother. It's not your job to fall into Dad's role."

"It's our job to watch out for each other," He grumbled, picking at the mint plant on the window sill. "If pop were; here he would be on my side. He is bad news, Laryssa."

_ But Dad isn't here.  _

"Yes, we watch out for each other, but I feel like you are trying to be Dad right now. Paul genuinely apologized for ruining a drawing of mine." I started frowning at how judgmental he was being.

"That doesn't mean anything. Paul could be doing that to spend some alone time with you," My brother bit out, ripping a leaf from the plant. "Guys do that all the time."

"Do guys help you through attacks?" I asked, watching Jay freeze with my words. "If you want to believe the rumors and go along with the crowd, then I'm not going to stop you. He helped me today, and I know his apology was genuine. I can befriend anyone I want too, and if I happen to get hurt, that's on me," I said, moving to drain the water out of the sink.

"Why did you have an attack," He demanded jumping off the counter, rushing over to the medicine cabinet.

"I stressed myself out about today," I lied, watching him search through the medication. "I already took my medication." He shut the cabinet leaning against it.

"You haven't had one in a while," He whispered, staring at me. I moved towards him, tossing an arm over his shoulder.

"I know, but I'm alright," I squeezed him to me. "It scared me too, but Paul helped me without judgment." I pulled away hearing, a tentative knock on the door. "Seth's here. Everything is going to be alright."

He nodded, shuffling towards the door. He paused, turning to stare at me, "I do trust you, I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I know." I smiled at him. "Lunch will be ready in an hour."

** 1:10 a.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington **

"Have fun," I called, waving at the two boys taking off towards the beach. I shut the door heading towards my art room. I looked at the scene on my wall, grinning slightly. I really owed Paul. I pulled out my phone, debating on whether or not I wanted to text Kim and ask her if Paul liked brownies. I eyed the scene again, sending a quick message to Kim.

** Laryssa: Hey, quick question. Does Paul like brownies? **

I sat in the chair, finishing up a few details. I saved the scene, quickly scrolling through the document. I opened up my work email, seeing ten new emails from my mom. I huffed, clicking on the draft I had saved earlier.

_ To: Jack Harlson _

_ From: Laryssa Chiago _

_ Date: Sunday, September 8, 2019, 01:18:33 EST _

_ Subject: Project S _

_ Good Afternoon, _

_ Attached below is the PDF of Project S. I sincerely apologize that the document is being sent close to the deadline. Let me know what you think. _

**_ project_S _ **

_ Thanks, _

_ Laryssa Chiago. _

I clicked the button before I could chicken out. I tapped my fingers against the desk, slowly reading my mother's angry demands. I sighed, sending her a quick email that I sent the doc.

** Kim: I like brownies. I'm more significant than Paul. **

** Kim: Coconut brownies... **

** Kim: I want something sweet now :'( **

** Kim: Yea, Paul likes brownies. Not the ones with nuts tho... **

I smirked at Kim's messages. I powered down the projection and the computer, before returning to the kitchen. I opened the pantry, pulling out the bag of coconut shavings.

** Kim: Why does he get brownies? I deserve brownies bc of how many miles we ran together! **

** Laryssa: He helped me out, and I just wanted to do something friendly. I'll bring some for you tomorrow. **

I rolled my eyes at Kim's antics. I looked at the brownie mixes, tapping my fingers against the counter. I bit my lip, letting my thoughts wander. "Will he think I'm being weird if I'm giving him brownies?" I asked the air, trying my best not to get worked up.

** Laryssa: Should I not bake him brownies? **

I sighed as I started to pull out the ingredients. "You are being stupid," I started pulling down a big bowl. "This is what friends do," I reassured myself, pouring the mixes into the mixing bowl. "What if he doesn't think we are friends, and I read into it?" I cracked the eggs into a separate bowl. "It doesn't matter, either way, because I'm grateful for what he did." I soothed myself, focusing on the clock tick on the wall. "I'm putting too much stress into the brownies, and they are going to come out terrible." I murmured, stepping away from the batter, checking my buzzing phone.

** Kim: No! **

** Kim: Don't overthink. He LIKES brownies! **

** Kim: ALOT! **

** Kim: Laryssa make the brownies. He will appreciate it! **

** Laryssa: kk **

I took a deep breath, trying to pull all the happy thoughts that I could think of. I moved back to the batter, pouring half of it into another bowl. I added coconut shavings to one of the brownie batters lightly folding it. "Please let these turn out good," I mumbled, pouring it into the pan. I added some of the shavings to the top before I put it in the oven. "It's going to be okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what y'all think!
> 
> Edited on March 30, 2020.


	5. Getting To Know You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> I hope no one is going stir crazy. I hope everyone is doing well and thank you to those who have favored, followed and reviewed. I hope you guys liked Chapter 3. I'm excited/nervous for you to read Chapter 4. I have posted Scarred Angel on Quotev, and Fanfiction as well. I had fun writing this chapter and I hope you enjoy reading it!
> 
> Always and Forever,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, stress. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 4: Getting To Know You

" **The first duty of love is to listen." -** **Paul Tillich, Theologian**

**8:29 a.m. La Push High, La Push, Washington**

"You are oddly quiet today," Seth commented, leaning against my car. "You okay?"

I smiled at his worried tone. I reached over musing his soft hair lightly, "Of course." I looked around the lot trying to find Kim. I shivered when a gust of wind picked up. "I'm going to head inside, see you two after school."

I frowned clutching the bag containing the brownies tighter to me. "Laryssa," I jumped when Kim popped up next to me, wrapping her arm through mine. "Sorry, Jared was being needy," She grinned to herself looking over her shoulder. I glanced back noticing Jared and Paul trailing after us. I sent a small smile to the guys. "He wouldn't let me go."

"I didn't get to see her last night," Jared explained, tossing his arm across Kim's shoulders. "I missed her." Warmth blossomed in my chest when I saw how he looked at her.

I grinned at Kim's blush. "That's sweet." I nudged her, stopping in front of my locker setting my bag on the ground. I pulled Kim's coconut brownies out of the other bag, watching as she started bouncing slightly. Kim grinned when I set the brownies in her palm.

She opened the container, biting into one. I laughed when her eyes widened and she tossed her arm over my shoulder, "I love you." Jared took one out of the container, purposefully ignoring Kim's gaze.

I smiled at her as I pulled out the other container, turning to Paul. "These are for you," I held them out for him to take.

Paul took the container, a grin overtaking his face."For me," He asked, opening the container. "I love brownies."

"C'mon I have to get that _thing_ out of my locker," Kim murmured, grabbing Jared's arm, tugging him away from Paul and I. "See you in gym class. Thanks again." Jared pointed at the brownie container sending me a thumbs up.

I watched them go, seeing Jared pull her close again. I looked back at Paul, "You helped me and it's just a small appreciation." I bent down grasping my bag.

"Thank you," He said, closing the lid holding the container closer to his body. "How did it go yesterday?" He leaned against the locker, tapping on the container thoughtfully.

I turned to open my locker. "They liked it, so I have another deadline in a month." I took out three chocolate bars setting them down.

"How do you feel about that," He questioned, opening the container. Paul broke off a piece biting into it. "These are really good." I sighed out in relief when I realized my stress didn't seep into the batter.

"Do you really want to know," I regretted the words as soon as they came out of my mouth.

Paul froze eyeing me. "Yeah, I do," he paused, "Why wouldn't I want to know?"

"You know feelings," I mumbled out, shutting my locker. I eyed the scuff marks on my shoes, wondering why he wanted to know. I looked around, seeing several students eyeing me. I froze when I realized how close I was standing to him.

Paul looked around, straightening up putting space in between him and me. "I guess people can't mind their own business," He stated loudly glaring at the others. Paul watched me, closing the brownie container again. "It seems important to you and I won't judge."

"That sounded awful and I didn't mean it like that," I offered, tugging my bag closer. I glanced around again realizing that everyone was avoiding looking at us. "I'm not sure how I feel yet." I froze when I heard the warning bell. I stared down the hallway, not really wanting to go to class. "We should go."

"I'm gonna head down to my locker," He jerked his thumb in the opposite direction. "See you in a sec." I nodded watching him walk to his locker. I shook myself from my daze, jogging to my class.

**8:34 a.m. Room 10, La Push High, La Push, Washington**

I set my folder on the desk sending a small smile towards Alex. I sat down, trying my best to ignore the tension radiating off of Alex. I ran my fingers through my hair, turning to stare out the window.

"What happened yesterday," Alex bit out. I winced not bothering to look at him. I knew that I would see his glare. "Are you ignoring me right now?"

I inhaled sharply, pushing down my irritation. "I was busy."

Alex scoffed moving closer to me. "Busy enough to bake brownies."

I glared at him, moving closer to the window. "I don't want to talk to you if your gonna be an ass," I whispered angrily. He glared back at me, settling back in his chair muttering under his breath. I turned my attention back to the window, watching the breeze rustle the leaves. I faintly heard Ms. Blu telling the class to get with our partners.

"We are talking about this later," Alex hissed in my ear, moving away from our desk.

I forced a smile on my face, watching him settle into the desk clump across the room. "What was that about," I tensed when Paul pulled out the chair next to me. "Didn't mean to scare you," He trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck.

"He has a thing for theatrics," I joked, not wanting to drag him through Alex and my drama. Paul laughed pulling out his notebook. I stared at his notebook, admiring the different sketches. "You like to draw."

Paul traced his fingers over the sketch, "These are just ideas I sketch out. I like to carve."

"Do you mind," I gestured to the notebook wanting to pick it up to get a closer look. He nodded, sliding it closer. I picked it up, tracing my fingers against the wolf. "How do you feel when you carve?"

"It's nice because I don't have to think. I can just focus on the wood and it feels peaceful." I smiled. I knew that feeling all too well. I put his notebook back on the desk, opening mine up. "Is that how you feel when you do your art?"

I tapped my pen against the table. "Sometimes I can get lost in the canvas when I'm painting. But, sometimes it brings me stress." I shrugged, turning in my seat so that I was facing him. "If it's like the projects I work on, I get stress because I need them to be perfect."

Paul turned to face me. "So you're a perfectionist," He asked with a small grin, flipping through his notebook.

"At times I can be," I pulled out the biography questions, scanning them. "I just want them to be good." I set the sheet down, starting to doodle in my notebook when I felt my anxiety start to flare. I wanted them to be good enough for my mom, I wanted her to know she made the right decision picking me. "Who taught you how to carve?"

I peeked at Paul, offering him a pen when I noticed him watching me. I offered him half of my notebook, "My dad. He taught me." Paul took the pen adding more flowers to mine. "I was bored at home one summer, and he suggested that I do something to keep myself busy." Paul's hand brushed against mine, making my flower lopsided. "Sorry."

"We don't make mistakes, just happy little accidents," I murmured with a smile, starting to draw more flowers.

"Bob Ross was a genius," Paul said, drawing sunflowers. I peered at his field of flowers. "What?" He asked, looking down at the page. "It's my first time drawing flowers."

I smirked, at his mock defensive tone. "Sunflowers are my favorite and I wasn't judging, they look awesome for it being your first time." He laughed, going back to drawing. "What did you do with your first carving?"

"It was a small wooden bear and I gave it to a girl I was trying to impress," Paul pulled away from the page to rub the back of his neck. I held my smirk when I noticed how nervous he seemed to be.

"That's sweet," I said, grinning at him. I was trying to imagine a smaller Paul handing over a small carving of a bear to a girl. "Did she like it?"

"Yeah, but I moved away." He shrugged, turning to look at me. "What?" Paul set the pen down, turning in his chair to face me.

I grabbed my car keys, holding them so he could see the wooden elephant. "Jacob gave this to me when we were younger. Must be a Quileute thing." Paul reached out touching the elephant. "I was trying to imagine a smaller version of you handing a bear carving to a girl you liked."

"So was Jake trying to impress you?" Paul questioned with his jaw clenched tight. He set my keys back on my desk.

"God no," I snorted, wincing at how loud that came out. "Not like how you were impressing the girl. He's my cousin. My dad and Billy used to teach him." I watched Paul, nod releasing his jaw. "I had a stuffed elephant that I lost," I trailed off, looking at the carving. "He used this to replace it."

"Jake never mentioned that you guys were related," Paul mumbled picking the pen back up. He murmured it so low that I pretended to not hear it. I picked at a thread on my sleeve. "Does your dad still carve?"

I yanked the thread causing Paul to jerk up at my accidental use of force. "No, he passed away three years ago." I avoided looking at him because I knew I would see pity. "But, I'm sure he would still be carving," I offered to try to lighten the mood. "He would stay in the art room for hours with me." I smiled at the memories of him and me, bonding over our art.

"Was he your biggest fan," Paul questioned, setting the pen in my line of sight. I glanced at him, taking the pen, starting to add trees to the forest of flowers.

I was grateful that he wasn't pitying me. "Yeah," I smiled tucking my hair behind my ear. "He was my number one." Paul started sketching an animal form in the corner of the page. "Who is your biggest fan?"

"My dad," He said, his shoulder brushing against mine. I nodded in understanding. I looked up from my tree when the bell rung. He set his pen down, stuffing his notebook in his bag.

"Hold on. Sign it," I offered the pen to him. He eyed me curiously, taking the pen signing his name on the top. I took the pen back, signing my name under his quickly. I snapped my notebook, pushing it into my bag.

"Why did you have me sign it?" He asked, standing as if he were waiting for me.

"An artist always signs their work," I grinned, hicking my bag on my shoulder. "Even if they are just doodles."

He shook his head with a laugh. "Where is your next class?"

"Gym," I answered, walking beside him, ignoring Alex's glare. I didn't feel like arguing with him, so I was going to avoid him until I couldn't.

"Mind if I walk with you," He asked, moving so Alex was blocked from me.

"Not at all," I answered, walking out the door. I dared to peak behind me as we started walking in the direction of the gym, only to see Alex come out of the classroom. I turned around, breathing out a sigh of relief.

**9:55 a.m. Hallway, La Push High, La Push, Washington**

Paul watched Laryssa peer behind them before she turned around quickly. "Everything okay," He asked, turning to see Alex sending a glare at him.

"Yeah, of course," She dismissed, walking slower as they turned the corner. He moved closer to her so the other students parted so they could walk through with ease. "At least I won't be late for class." He heard her whisper to herself.

"Are you usually late for gym," He asked, letting his hand brush against hers. He smiled at her when her eyes darted up to meet his. She smiled back before she looked away, crossing her arms against her chest.

"Yeah, Kim and I usually run extra laps together," Laryssa brushed against him, to avoid colliding with someone. "Sorry." Paul switched sides with her, so he was the one brushing against the other students. He eyed the kids who tried to glare at him, only for them to turn away sheepishly when the realized who he was.

"I guess we will be seeing each other out there," He said, seeing Kim and Jared standing by the girl's locker room doors. Laryssa looked at him curiously, "Jared and I have to leave early, so we are allowed to make up our gym hour."

"I mean it's not like you guys need too," She said, gesturing to his body. "It's not like if you miss one gym class, all of this is going to go away. I mean if it did it would suck, but-" She cut herself off abruptly.

"What do you mean by that," He tried to hold his grin, at the pretty blush appearing across her cheeks when she realized what she said.

"Nothing," She mumbled out, rushing towards Kim. He smirked jogging after her, nodding to Jared and Kim.

"What are you guys doing," Kim pressed, looping her arm through Laryssa. She eyed Laryssa, before sending him a questioning glance.

"What were we talking about Laryssa," Paul teased watching her eyes widen and the blush on her cheeks turn darker.

Laryssa avoided his eyes as she turned to Jared, "I was going to ask Jared if he thought the coconut brownies were too sweet?"

Jared's eyes darted between Laryssa and Paul, "No they were good. I can see why Kim loves them."

"Oh, good good," Laryssa mumbled sending a pleading glance to Kim. Paul eyed Jared silently telling him to give him a moment alone with Laryssa.

"Well Laryssa and I are going to go change, see you guys out there," Kim stated pulling Laryssa towards the girl's locker room. Laryssa looked at Paul one last time, sending him an apologetic smile before she disappeared through the doors.

"What was that about," Jared questioned, staring the door. "What did I miss?"

"Some harmless teasing," Paul smirked, pushing Jared towards the boy's locker rooms. "She gets flustered easily," He commented, thinking about how beautiful she looked when she blushed.

"Whipped," Jared teased, opening his locker. "Kim was the same. In time you'll see the confidence shine through." Jared tossed Paul a black shirt. "Did you invite her to the beach yet?"

"Not yet," Paul shrugged the shirt on, leaning against the wall.

"Better hurry before Alex gets to her," Jared said, popping his neck. "He was pissed off when Kim and I passed him this morning."

Paul growled lowly, thinking back to the ass that made her uncomfortable. "I know." Paul signed his name on the sheet, passing it off to Jared. "How many laps do we have to run?"

"Ten," Jared murmured, setting the paper down, heading into the gym. Paul followed him, looking for Laryssa. He perked up when he saw her laughing with Kim. "It's nice isn't it?" Paul quicked an eyebrow at him. "Knowing that there is something that connects you two."

"It wasn't at first, it was-" Paul paused, seeing Kim tugging Laryssa towards them.

"How many laps do you guys have to run today," Kim asked, starting to stretch. She glanced at Laryssa, who rolled her eyes before she started to stretch. Paul sighed when she refused to meet his gaze. Maybe he went too far and made her uncomfortable. 

"Ten," Jared answered her, taking her by the elbow. "Are you going to run with me today?"

"Nope," Kim smirked, tying her hair up. "Sorry babe, Laryssa will always be my running partner."

Paul ignored the playful banter between Kim and Jared. He stood beside Laryssa, "Can we talk?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what y'all think!
> 
> Edited on April 6, 2020.


	6. At Ease With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> I hope no one is going stir crazy. I hope everyone is doing well and thank you to those who have favored, followed and reviewed. I hope you guys liked Chapter 4. I'm excited/nervous for you to read Chapter 5. I have posted Scarred Angel on Fanfiction, and Archive of our own as well. So far this is my longest chapter! Enjoy!
> 
> Always and Forever,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, bullying, stress, abuse, some blood and implying abusive sexual innuendos. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

* * *

Chapter 5: At Ease With You

**“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” - Aristotle, Philosopher**

** Continued: “Can we talk?”  **

He stood beside Laryssa, “Can we talk?” Laryssa peered up at him, a light blush still coating her cheeks. He smirked, standing closer. “I promise, no more teasing.” Paul held his hands up jokingly to try and put her at ease. She rolled her eyes, a small smile placed on her face as she moved to sit on one of the benches. He stared at her realizing she had dimples. He was in a trance as he watched her pull out a few pieces of hair from the bun at the top of her head. “Okay, maybe some teasing,” he joked when his mouth started to work again. 

“Very funny Paul,” Laryssa added, dryly pressing her hands against her face, watching Kim and Jared wrestle with each other. He could faintly hear Kim laughing at Jared. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Uh-,” Paul faltered, suddenly unsure if he was moving too fast with her. They were only going to the beach with the others, but he wanted to be around her and he wasn’t sure if she wanted to be around him. Laryssa glanced at him, frowning slightly when he remained silent as she tapped her fingers against the bench. He reached up rubbing the back of his neck, trying to gain the courage to ask her. “So-” 

“Laryssa,” Kim murmured, bumping past Paul to pull at her arm. “C’mon, Coach Mig is getting angry!” She urged Laryssa up, pushing her towards the double doors. Paul grumbled to himself following after the two. He had no problem asking out the other girls, but she wasn’t just any girl, She was his imprint, and he wanted her to be happy. He groaned internally, preparing himself for the endless teasing he would have to endure if he didn’t ask her.

“Couldn’t keep Kim occupied for two more minutes,” Paul shoved Jared, listening to Kim drone on about how much of an idiot Cody was. 

“Yeah because you were doing _so_ well,” Jared mumbled, shoving him back. “So whose Cody,” Jared asked, jogging to meet up with the girls. He backed away when Kim shot him a glare. “It’s a valid question,” he called, looking at Paul with a shrug. 

** 10:18 a.m. Track, La Push High, La Push, Washington  **

“I love him, but I’m going to kill him,” Kim murmured, glancing behind us at the two guys shoving each other playfully. “This is our hour when we can gossip.”

“Lahote! Cameron!” I turned watching Coach Mig summon the two boys over. He started gesturing to the tires piling up. “Well he is all the way over there and we are over here. I don’t see why we can’t,” I offered, pulling my sweater off. I was burning up from all the embarrassment I was feeling. I eyed the sky hoping that the rain would hold off until we were back inside. 

“So let’s talk about why you were blushing with Paul,” Kim bumped me, starting to lightly jog. “You have to tell me, Laryssa!”

I rubbed my hands over my cheeks when I felt them start to warm again. “I may have accidentally told him I found his body attractive,” I murmured, wanting nothing more than to blend into the gravel when Kim stopped abruptly. 

Kim cackled, stopping her light jog to laugh at my demise. “I didn’t mean to. I mean he is physically fit, so he shouldn’t have to make up one missing gym class,” I tried to explain, so she didn’t think that I was after Paul. I froze at my train of thought. _After Paul?_

Kim tossed her skinny arm over my shoulder startling me from my thoughts, tugging me so we were hip to hip. “Don’t be embarrassed, I mean look at them.” I peeked over at Paul, seeing him heave up two tires with ease. There was no doubt that they were attractive, most of the girls at school thought so. I thought so, but I didn’t want them to think that was all I thought about. I ignored the warmth that spilled into my belly when he smiled at something Jared said. I sucked in a breath when I realized that he had a nice smile. I averted my eyes when I caught his gaze, hoping that he didn’t think I was being creepy for watching him. 

I swallowed hard, starting to walk faster to put some more distance in between us and them. “Kim, if I blush any harder I’m going to melt into a puddle of goo.” 

Kim snorted, “Rys...” I pulled my hair loose from the bun, letting it shield my cheeks. “I know you didn't mean it like that. Paul knows. He just likes to tease.”

“Did Jared really like the brownies, or was he just being nice,” I changed the subject, so I could cool down. If it started raining, I knew that my cheeks would start steaming from how hot they felt.

“He ate half of the container,” She huffed, crossing her arms. “He would’ve eaten the whole thing if I didn’t pull it away from him.” I laughed, watching Jenny pretend to stretch in front of Jared and Paul. “I can’t believe her,” Kim grumbled, stepping away from me causing me to stop. I knew Kim was stronger than she looked and I didn’t know if I had the power to stop her from charging at Jenny. I had seen too many girl fights and I half expected her to charge over to Jared and give Jenny a piece of her mind, but to my surprise, Kim took a deep breath and looped her arm through mine. I eyed her in curiosity when she started rambling about Cody again. “I trust him and I know he loves me. “Kim smiled, tugging me so that we kept walking. “Look at them.” I stared at Jared and Paul, expecting them to be watching Jenny stretch her assets, only to see them ignoring her. Jared waved to Kim and to my surprise Paul grinned at me sending me a wave. 

I sent him a smile back, waving shyly when I noticed Jenny squint to see who he was waving at. I avoided looking at Jenny when I felt her stare as Kim and I passed her. I reassured myself that the reason why he smiled and waved at me was that we were becoming friends and that’s what friends do. “So, why is Cody pissing you off again?”

“He wanted to copy my Spanish homework and when I told him no, he started going on and on about how he has helped me when I needed it and _I_ was being selfish,” Kim complained, pulling her jacket off. “He also tried to steal my brownies and my homework.”

“I wanted to smack him last year,” I grumbled, wishing I had the courage to tell him no when he wanted to copy me in math. Instead, I gave in like the coward I was. “I do not miss having class with him.” I knew what she dealt with and Cody was a nightmare. 

“I’m going to smack him next time,” Kim grumbled, kicking a rock causing it to fly into Anne. She turned around to glare at us. “Sorry,” Kim mumbled, not sounding very apologetic as she leaned down to pick up a blade of grass. 

“No don’t do that, Cody can get physical,” I said, clutching my wrist from when he grabbed it last year. The bruise had been a pain to hide from Jay and Alex. “It’s not worth it.” The bruise hadn’t been worth me pretending to forget to do my math homework.

“What did he do,” Kim stopped, grabbing my hands and turning them over. “Do you have any classes with him?”

I gently pulled my hands back, touched at how worried Kim was for me. “No, not this year. I don’t have to worry about him anymore. Just be careful.”

Kim let out a puff of air, tossing her arm over my shoulder. “I will. How’s Alex?” I eyed my beat-up converse, debating on whether or not to tell her about this morning. “He seemed pissed off this morning.”

“He is, but I guess we are going to talk about it later.” I was dreading later and I knew he was going to be upset that I blew him off. I bit my lip knowing if he ever found out about Paul going into my art room or helping me with the project, he was going to blow a gasket. 

“He’s your best friend, he will get over it,” Kim assured, grimacing when she felt the drizzle of rain. “Looks like we get to have a movie period,” She cheered, tugging her hood over her head waving to the guys. I smiled, holding out my hand to feel the cool drops. “C’mon we are going inside!”

** 10:34 a.m. Gym, La Push High, La Push, Washington  **

I stretched out on the bench watching Coach Mig struggle with the projector, silently listening to Kim and Jared giggle at each other. I glanced at the two of them, noticing how close and comfortable they were with each other. I couldn’t help but smile softly when I realized how in love they were. 

“We used to make fun of him for being whipped for her,” Paul said, stretching out next to me. I eyed him, pulling my knees to my chest. 

“You guys don’t anymore,” I asked, leaning my head against my knees observing him. His hair was wet and dripping down his shirt, but he didn’t seem to mind. 

Paul grinned, “No we still do. Just not as much.” I offered him my towel when he used his shirt to wipe his face. Paul grasped the towel wiping his hair and his face again. “Thanks.”

“They always look happy,” I murmured, glancing around the gym seeing a few girls taking peeks at me. I avoided their gazes thankful we were at the back of the gym. I moved over making sure to put room between Paul and me. “She used to be really quiet,” _like me,_ “when we first started running together. I remember how excited she got when Jared asked her out.”

“You should’ve seen how nervous he was,” Paul laughed, looking at his hands. “His hands were shaking.” I listened to Paul’s foot tap against the bench.

I smiled trying to imagine Jared nervous to ask out Kim. “That’s sweet.” I sighed, slightly envious at their relationship. “Do you ever think you’ll find what they have?” I wondered what my fate had in store for me. I pulled myself from my thoughts when I didn’t hear the tapping. I glanced at Paul, seeing him staring at me. I swallowed hard, realizing that we weren’t close and the question was awfully personal. “Sorry, I tend to talk out loud and I didn’t realize-”

“Yeah, I do. Do you,” He cut through my ramblings, quirking an eyebrow at me. I stared at him, unable to look away from his gaze. He looked tired, and for some reason, I wanted to brush my hand against his cheek.

“I hope so,” I answered, ignoring my thoughts telling me that I wouldn’t find someone to love. I looked away trying to keep my hands busy so they didn’t cause me to be creepy. I started picking at a loose thread on my shirt. _I hope that fate will be kind to me and send someone that will love me like how my dad loved my mom._ I thought to myself, stretching out my legs.

“This weekend, a bunch of us are going to the beach and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me. I mean-” Paul’s voice started getting lower and lower. I watched him shove his hands into his pockets. I froze, wondering if he was asking me as a friend or as a date. _As if he would want to date you. You’re a mess. He feels sorry for you._ I pushed the snide voice in the back of my head away. “-Kim’s going to be there.” I focused back on him, trying to figure out what the hell I wanted to do. 

“Are we friends,” I blurted out, cursing internally at my loose mouth. Paul froze, a small frown overtaking his face. “I mean… It’s just-” I faltered feeling my cheeks start to burn. I looked down at my lap, digging my nails into my palms. _I’m such an idiot._

“Hey don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself,” I refused to look at Paul, my embarrassment held me, hostage, as it replayed my words over and over. “Laryssa,” He put his hands over mine, so I couldn’t dig my nails in further. I looked at our hands, focusing on the warmth of his hands. I didn’t even realize how cold mine had been. His hands were rough, they had covered mine so easily and for the first time in a long time, I felt at ease. “I would say we are friends unless you don’t want to be,” He murmured, tightening his hands ever so slightly. 

I took a deep breath, keeping my eyes on our hands still ashamed to look at him. “I just wasn’t sure and I’ve been wanting to ask you, but I didn’t know how.” His thumbs started stroking the back of my hand soothingly. “I _do_ want to be friends.” 

“You can ask me anything you want,” Paul reassured, squeezing my hands gently, “without judgment.” I looked at him needing to see his expression, smiling when I saw no judgment from him. “There she is,” He grinned, sitting next to me letting one of my hands go. “So want to go to the beach? The sun is supposed to be out.”

I grinned, feeling even more at ease because I knew where we stood. “Yeah, it sounds fun.” He let my other hand go, and my stomach dropped when the warmth disappeared.

** 11:13 a.m. Room 13, La Push High, La Push, Washington  **

“Ready to talk,” I asked Alex, setting my notebook on my desk taking my seat. I braced myself for his glare, only to be met with a blank stare. He shrugged, going back to his book. “Silent treatment?” He ignored me, loudly flipping his page. _Silent treatment._

I rolled my eyes at him, deciding to let him stew. I looked at my hands, remembering the way Pauls’ felt. I shook myself from the memory flipping through my notes, smiling slightly when I passed the doodles from this morning. I stopped on the page, lightly tracing over the sunflowers. I smiled because I knew where Paul and I stood and it was one less thing for me to stress about. I tensed when Alex slammed his book on the desk, grabbing my notebook, ripping the page out and tossing it in the trash. “It was ugly,” He sighed sitting back down in his chair. 

I glared at him, grabbing my things moving to get the doodles. “It wasn’t yours to decide.” I picked it out of the trash, walking out of the classroom not caring about the consequences from Mr. Begay. “Who the hell does he think he is,” I grumbled heading to my locker. I opened the page, straightening out the crumples. 

“Still talking to yourself,” I spun around seeing Cody, getting his things from his locker. I set the doodle in my notebook, shoving the notebook in my bag. I nodded, started to walk towards my locker hoping that he would stay at his. I walked faster when I heard his locker slam shut. “Hey!”

I flinched when he grabbed my wrist digging his nails in, turning me so I was facing him. “When someone talks to you it’s best if you speak back.” I swallowed hard, wishing I had just stayed in my seat and dealt with Alex. He squeezed my wrist again, “are we clear?”

“Crystal,” I grimaced, trying to pull my wrist from his hand. He let go with a laugh, eyeing me up and down. “I have to get to the office,” I mumbled, walking backward when he took a step towards me. Cody stalked closer, brushing up against my side. I shrunk into myself, trying my best to ignore his hand on my hip. 

“Maybe we should just ditch the rest of the day,” He offered, guiding me so that I was pushed up against the lockers. “Don’t you think that’s a good idea.” He put his hands on either side of my face trapping me, leaning toward me

“No,” I pushed myself closer to the lockers, placing my hands on his chest to keep him away. “I have to go to the office. Let me go,” I mumbled, trying not to panic. 

Cody smirked, running his hand through his hair, stepping back. “Laryssa, you are no fun.” He jerked his head towards the office. I willed my legs to move, I avoided his eyes as I started walking towards the office. “Laryssa,” I kept walking, not daring to look back. “I’ll see you later.” I turned the corner, breaking into a run, so I could put more distance in between him and me. 

I glanced back so that I knew he didn’t follow me. I yelped when I collided with a warm body. I stumbled back, losing my footing, hitting the lockers behind me. I winced when my head hit the locker. I whimpered when I sat up rubbing my head. “Shit, are you okay?” 

“I should be asking you that,” I grumbled, taking Embry’s outstretched hand. He pulled me up with ease, grabbing my bag and handing it to me. “Sorry, I-”

Embry grabbed my cheeks, turning my head quickly making me slightly dizzy from how fast he turned my head. “Oh god, you’re bleeding,” He whispered, his eyes widening letting go of my cheeks. “Let’s get you to the nurse.” Embry pulled my bag from my shoulder, putting his arm behind me as if I was going to topple over. “Are you in pain?”

I reached back touching my head, hissing at the stinging. I pulled my fingers back and I frowned at the small amount of blood. “I’ll be okay, I think it’s just a small cut.” Embry yanked the office door open so hard that it slammed against the wall. I glanced at him noticing his eyes darting around the room. 

“Mr. Call, why are you slamming doors,” Mrs. John glared moving to get up from her seat towards us.

He moved past her, still keeping his arm behind my back. “Sorry, Laryssa is bleeding,” He said, not sounding apologetic at all as he ushered me into the nurses' office, ignoring the glare from Mrs. John. He set my bag on the seat, putting his hand on my arm helping me sit on one of the beds. 

“I’m fine Em,” I sent him a small smile trying to ease his nerves. “I’m clumsy by nature and sometimes I get injured,” I reassured, glancing at the nurse standing behind him. 

She cleared her throat, smirking when he jumped out of her way. I smiled when he sat next to me. “What happened?”

“I accidentally ran into Embry and fell against the lockers. I hit my head and Embry said I was bleeding,” I shrugged, wanting to touch the tender spot on my head but refraining when she pulled her dark hair into a bun. 

She gloved her hands before she handed me a wipe. I ripped open the package, wiping my hands. I winced when she touched the tender spot on my head. “Don’t hurt her,” Embry grimaced, balling his hands into fists. 

“It’s a small cut, nothing to worry about. You might have a headache, you can lay in here if you’d like,” She offered, starting to clean the wound, ignoring Embry. “Did you want some pain medicine?”

“Yeah,” I said, setting my hand on Embry’s fist patting it gently, trying to calm his sudden anger. The nurse walked out, shoving her gloves in the trash. “I told you.” I bumped his shoulder trying to get him to relax. “Are you okay, I hit you pretty hard,” I asked, feeling like I ran into a brick wall.

Embry tried to smile as he ran his hand through his hair. “I’m fine. But you hit the wall pretty hard,” He stood up, grabbing me a cup of water. “Why were you running?”

I bit my lip debating on whether or not to tell him. I looked away when he rubbed his arm. I sighed, I did owe him since I ran into him. “Just Cody being himself,” I offered, not telling him the whole truth. 

Embry nodded, putting the water in my hand. He faltered looking at my wrist, I looked down to see what had captured his attention, noticing nail marks on my wrist. I pulled my sleeve to cover them. A tremble went through his body, I grabbed the blanket at the foot of the bed setting it around his shoulders. “Did he-”

“Here you go,” I jumped, taking the pills from the nurse. I perked up slightly when the bell rang signaling lunch. “You can go, it’s a small cut so just clean it gently. If you start feeling unwell during the school day come back and see me. If it’s later today, tell your parents to take you in.” 

“Thank you,” I took the pills, wishing that I had my mom to take care of me and swallowed them along with the wishful thinking. I crumpled the paper cup, standing, causing Embry to jerk out of his thoughts. He stood, setting the blanket down, taking my bag from the chair. 

I set the cup in the trash, heading out of the nurses' office trying to take my bag from Embry when we exited the office. “I’ll carry it.” He said softly, holding the strap tight. I frowned when his eyes darted back to my covered wrist. “Did he do that?”

I wanted to tell him, yes, but it wasn’t his problem to deal with. Instead, I smiled, “No. I can carry my bag Em.” I held out my hand, hoping he would hand it back to me. He tightened his hand around the strap, silently refusing to give it to me. “Em.”

“We have our next period together after lunch, you can eat with me and my friends,” He said, trying not to let me carry my stuff. I sighed, tugging my bag from his shoulder. 

Embry let it go unwillingly. “I will be okay. See you after lunch,” I moved past him, hiking my bag on my shoulder. “Hey Em,” I turned, seeing him turn to glance at me. “Thanks for staying with me,” I grinned, heading towards my locker. I rounded the corner, my hand itching to touch my scalp and soothe the pain. I carefully made my way towards my locker, sighing in relief when I made it. I opened my locker, glancing at my wrist. I pulled my sleeve back, noticing that the marks were starting to fade. I pushed my sleeve back, taking a chocolate bar out and setting it in my bag. All I had to do was not show up on Cody’s radar and I would be okay. I closed my locker, pressing my forehead against the cool metal. I could faintly hear the others laughing down the hallway. I took a deep breath moving to sit against my locker, I didn’t have the energy to walk to the cafeteria. I closed my eyes, gently laying my head against the metal careful not to hit the sore spot.

“Yeah, they were all cuddled up in the gym. He was holding her hands. He’s a smooth talker, she’ll be the next one to be broken-hearted.” I opened my eyes to watch the girls turn the corner. I frowned, closing my eyes again pulling my legs to my chest. Jay was on his own for dinner. I let out a huff, pulling my notebook out of my bag, flipping to a blank page. I grabbed the pen that I had let Paul use, twirling it in my palm before I let my hand start to sketch.

** 11:57 a.m. Hallway, La Push High, La Push, Washington  **

I opened my chocolate bar, pursing my lips at the sketch. I traced my fingers over the hands, ignoring the warm feeling that was starting to build in the stomach. “What the fuck Embry!” I pulled my hand away, watching Paul storming down the hallway with Embry following. I frowned wondering why he was so angry. “Why did you let her-” I put a piece of chocolate in my mouth, freezing when Paul met my gaze. He moved quickly, kneeling so we were at eye level. “Are you alright?” My cheeks started to heat up at his concerned tone.

I tilted my head to glare up at Embry, watching him shrug and stick his hands in his pockets. I glanced at my wrist seeing the crescents gone. “I’m fine,” I reassured, offering him some chocolate wondering what the hell Embry told him. 

“He said you slammed into a locker and you started bleeding.” He looked like he wanted to pull my face and search for the blood. 

I rolled my eyes, taking another piece of chocolate fighting the urge to kick Embry. “It was a small cut with a small amount of blood. I wasn’t watching what I was doing and I ran into him.” Paul turned to glare at Embry as I offered him some chocolate. Embry swallowed hard, shaking his head at me. “You came to see if I was okay?” I took Paul’s attention away from Embry, wondering why he came rushing for me. 

Paul looked back at me, a frown still on his face. “Yeah. He said that you were hurt and you wouldn’t go with him.” I sighed, setting the rest of my food in my bag. Paul looked back at Embry jerking his head.

“I’ll see you in class,” Embry murmured, walking towards the cafeteria. I watched him go, thankful that there was no mention of Cody. I closed my eyes for a moment, ignoring the pounding coming from my head.

“Why didn’t you go with him,” Paul moved so that he was sitting beside me. I could feel his arm brush against mine. 

“Should I have,” I countered, trying not to let my irritation seep through. He was being a good friend and I was being an ungrateful witch because I wasn’t used to all of the attention I was getting. “It is a tiny cut and the nurse helped me, so I was fine.” 

“Was?” Paul asked, setting his hand on my arm. I opened my eyes, looking at him, type on his phone. “Are you not feeling well now?”

I smiled, rubbing my head. “I have a headache, but the medicine will kick in soon.” I closed my eyes again, letting my body relax. “I just need to close my eyes for a few moments. You should go eat,” I murmured, waiting for him to go. I heard him sigh as he got up. My eyes flew open when he grabbed my notebook and my bag. “What are you doing,” I asked, frowning when he offered his hand to me.

“I’m going to take you home,” He stated, urging me to take his hand. “Jared has a spare key to my truck and he can give it to Kim so she will take your brother home.” I stared at his hand, wondering if I wanted to take it. 

“I have to take Seth home, I can’t just leave. I’ll be okay,” I stated, knowing I couldn’t hand my responsibilities over to someone else to handle. “Really.”

“I’m sure she will take him home too. Laryssa, I really think you need to rest. Please let me drive you home,” Paul stared at me, glancing at his hand. I sighed, taking his hand allowing him to pull me up. I let go of his hand trying to grab my bag, only to have it pulled away. “Are your keys in your bag?” I nodded, watching him pull out my keys. 

He took my hand again, pulling me towards the parking lot. We raced to my car, I could feel the cool rain start to seep into my jacket. Paul opened my car, setting my things in the back before quickly moving to open the passenger door. He looked at me expectantly, when I didn’t get in right away. I bit my lip, moving to sit down. Paul shut the door gently and ran to the driver's side. He got in quickly muttering curses when his knees hit the wheel. I snorted when I saw how squished he looked. I felt my cheeks heat up when I realized how much his white shirt stuck to his chest. I pulled off my jacket, distracting myself so I didn’t openly gawk at him. 

“Are you sure Kim won’t mind,” I asked, debating on just going home for now and going back to pick the boys up.

“I asked Jared and Kim said she would help,” He stated reaching over to click my seat belt. I turned my head, accidentally brushing my nose against his. My breath hitched when our eyes connected. I shivered when his hand brushed against my arm. He smiled, settling back in the seat, “sorry,” he said, not sounding apologetic at all as he pulled out of the parking spot. He fiddled with the heater, turning the vents so they were pointed at me. I pulled my phone out busying myself by sending a quick text to Jay and Seth, letting them know about the change of plans. 

I leaned against the seat, trying my best to keep my hands occupied so I didn’t touch my nose. I closed my eyes, wincing slightly when we went over the speed bump. “Laryssa?”

“Yeah,” I opened my eyes. I turned my phone in my hands, waiting for my brother to text back. I watched him tap his fingers against the wheel. 

He sighed, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. “I’m glad you’re okay.” I glanced down at my lap, feeling my heart skip at the sincerity in his tone. I sent him a small smile, not knowing how to reply to him. “I’ll let you know when we get there.” I nodded, closing my eyes again.

**1:27 p.m. Chiago Driveway, La Push, Washington **

Paul put the car in park, turning it off, watching the rain come down against the windshield. He looked at Laryssa, holding onto his arm as she slept. He grinned at her, not wanting to wake her just yet. Paul grumbled when he heard his phone vibrate. He checked it seeing Sam’s message letting him know that he was there. If he could he would stay with her like this until she woke up, but he couldn’t and he hated that he couldn’t.

“Laryssa,” Paul whispered, brushing his fingers against her cheek. She grumbled pushing her face further into his arm. He grinned, stroking her cheek again. “Laryssa,” he tried again, hoping she would grab on tighter to him. 

She opened her eyes, blinking a few times. Laryssa looked at his arm, freezing when she realized what she was doing. He chuckled when she started blushing, she let go of his arm biting her lip. “Sorry,” She mumbled, sitting up straight looking at the rain not daring to look at him.

“Don’t stress about it,” He said, wanting her to look at him. He reached over touching her hand when he noticed she was digging her nails into her palm. “You should go inside and rest,” Paul watched her eye his hand on hers. 

She smiled, setting her other hand on top of his. “Thanks for driving me home.” Laryssa pulled her hands away, unbuckling her seatbelt, reaching over to take her keys out. He thought back to when she brushed her nose against his and he wanted it to happen again. She fumbled with the keys offering her car key to him. “So you don’t get wet,” She explained, waiting for him to take it. 

Paul shook his head, with a smile. She was too trusting and part of him was terrified at the fact. “Sam came to get me,” He pointed to the truck sitting near her mailbox. Laryssa nodded in understanding, opening her glove box handing him an umbrella. “No you use it,” He didn’t want her to get sick. 

“I’m going to go right inside, you probably have other places you're going. Take it,” She set it in his lap when he didn’t grab it. “Please,” Laryssa begged when he tried to hand it back to her. “Wait,” She murmured with a smile. He watched her, waiting for her to continue with her statement. He didn’t notice her hand on the handle until he watched her throw open the door and sprint to the front porch. He scoffed, opening the door grumbling at the fact that he had to open the umbrella. “Sorry,” She called with a laugh, wiping her face down. 

Paul shut the door, telling Sam to hold on. He walked up the steps, shaking his head at her. He sighed, setting the umbrella down. Paul watched the excess water drip down the side of her face as she continued to laugh. He reached out, wiping the water from her face. Laryssa looked away from him, but she let him keep his hand on her cheek. “Make sure you warm-up,” Paul grinned, letting his hand drop. “Next time, we can share.”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what y'all think!
> 
> Edited on April 18, 2020.


	7. You've Got A Friend In Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe. Thank you to those who have favored, followed, and reviewed you are my inspiration!. I hope you guys liked Chapter 5. I'm excited/nervous for you to read Chapter 6. I had a little bit of trouble writing this one, but I hope you guys enjoy it. I have posted Scarred Angel on Fanfiction, and Archive of our own as well. Enjoy!
> 
> Always and Forever,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, silent treatment, stress, abuse. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

* * *

Chapter 6: You’ve Got A Friend In Me

**“Love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it.” ― Nicholas Sparks, A Walk to Remember**

** 8:29 a.m. La Push High La Push, Washington **

“Alex,” I tried to get his attention, leaning against the locker next to his. I rested my head against the locker, wanting to bash the back of my head in. This was my fault and if I had just been a little braver at the beach, he wouldn’t be ignoring me. “I’m sorry.” God, what was I thinking?

He slammed his locker storming off towards our first hour. I grimaced, trailing after him like a lost puppy. Alex tossed open the door, not bothering to hold it for me. I rolled my eyes when it slammed shut seconds before I reached it. I wanted to slam my hand against the door, but I refrained. This was going to be a long day. I inhaled, trying to gather my patience. I yanked open the door, frowning when I noticed Alex sitting in a different seat. I walked to my seat, shrugging my bag off my shoulder so it hit the desk with a thunk. 

I plopped down in my seat, laying my head on my bag. I just had to wait out his anger and then I could apologize and everything would go back to normal. I held my stomach when it growled, cursing myself for not setting my alarm clock. Today, I just knew I was going to die in the gym. I sniffed, trying to ignore the burning hunger in my stomach. 

“Boo,” I jumped, almost falling off my chair. Warm hands wrapped around my arm, steadying me. I glared at Paul as he laughed without shame. 

“Funny,” I added dryly, batting his hand away. I started digging through my bag, hoping that I had something to munch on. 

Paul snickered, setting something wrapped in foil on my bag. “Forgive me?” 

I eyed the foil, gently beginning to unwrap it. I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face when I realized it was a blueberry muffin. “Totally forgiven,” I tore a piece off, popping it in my mouth savoring the sweet bite. I was excited to taste the fresh blueberries. “You lucked out, I forgot to eat this morning and you caught me while I was hungry,” I offered some to him. 

Paul shook his head, a small grin still on his face. “I won’t scare you anymore.” I rolled my eyes at his obvious lie trying not to shove the muffin down my throat. “Promise.”

“Mhm,” I didn’t believe him, as I took a big bite out of the muffin. I glanced at him seeing a look of awe on his face. I swallowed hard, realizing that I was too invested in inhaling the muffing to properly thank him. “Sorry, they are really good. Did you make them?” 

“No, I burn food easily,” He snorted, taking out his notebook. “A friend of mine did, I’ll be sure to let her know that you like it.” I smiled, looking around the classroom. I met Alex’s gaze, only for him to roll his eyes and look away. 

“My brother does too. No matter how much I try to teach him, he can’t pick up the skill,” I crumbled the foil, twirling the ball in my hands. “It was really good.”

Paul sent me a smile, flipping through his notebook. “I need your opinion on something. You are amazing at your art and I wanted to try something. I wanted to see if I could get lost,” I watched as he settled on a page, holding his notebook so I couldn’t peak over. I smiled, when he mentioned that he wanted to get lost. That was the best feeling that I ever experienced and it made me happy that he wanted to try it out. “Don’t laugh, it's not my best.”

“I wouldn’t laugh at someone’s work,” I murmured, hating when Alex did that to my work. My work was sacred and it gave me peace, who am I to mock something that someone worked hard at. “Let’s see it.” I perked up excited that he wanted to know what I thought. “C’mon I’m excited,” I said, trying to retain my patience. I stretched my neck trying to peak over to no avail. 

“Really,” He held it closer to his chest, so I couldn’t peak over. I pursed my lips, fighting the urge to gnaw on my lip. “Okay.” He held it out to me. I took the notebook gingerly, turning it so I could look at it. 

I grinned, wanting to trace the intricate sunflowers but I didn’t want to risk smudging his work. It was beautiful, and the detail he had was extraordinary. “It’s beautiful,” I said, not wanting to take my eyes off of it. “The detail that you have in it is just… wow.” I heard him laugh. I glanced at him, holding on to my train of thought when his eyes connected with mine. “I can feel the passion you have in this.” 

I looked at the drawing again, trying to memorize it. I gave it back to him, happy that he wanted my opinion. 

“I’m glad you like it,” Paul said, setting the notebook on his desk 

“How did it feel to get lost for a while,” I asked, keeping my eyes on the drawing. “Did you enjoy it, or was it not your thing?”

“It was alright, but I found that I felt better when I had something to keep me grounded.” I nodded in understanding, everyone had their own ways of doing something. What worked for me, may not work for someone else.

“It’s different for everyone,” I shrugged, flipping through my own notebook. “But it was a beautiful sketch and you should be immensely proud of yourself.”

“If you keep up the praise, I’m going to start blushing.” I snorted, pulling two pens out. I doubted it very much, I thought as I offered him the pen. “What are we going to draw today?” 

I tapped my chin with my pen, before shrugging. “You chose.”

Paul hummed clicking his pen rapidly. He stopped abruptly, “Eyes.” I grinned trying to pump myself up for the challenge, spreading my notebook so we each had a page. “Alright, what’s our topic for today? You start.”

“Favorite childhood memory,” I stated, starting to sketch out a pair of eyes. I frowned when I realized that today, eyes were gonna be my kryptonite. “Or what do you like to do in your free time?”

“Decisions… Decisions.” Paul smirked, peeking at my doodles. “I’m going to do both since you offered both.” I quirked my eyebrow at him, glancing over at his drawing smirking when he covered it protectively. “In my free time, I enjoy eating, sleeping, carving, surfing, and playing video games.” 

My pen froze when he mentioned surfing and all I could see was Paul sitting on the water waiting for a wave to come. I scribbled out the eyes I had been working on, moving to the middle of the page starting to sketch a single eye. I glanced at Paul quickly, seeing him set his pen down with a wide grin.“Favorite childhood memory has to be the time my dad and I went sledding, and I was at the top of the hill by myself and I went down the hill crashing into him.” I giggled, staring at him in disbelief. “Laryssa, he flew up in the air.”

“Ouch,” I tried to push down my giggles, only for a loud snort to escape when I couldn’t hold in my laughs. I slapped my hand over my face, trying not to flush red. I grabbed my water bottle, taking a large gulp feeling embarrassed when I caught a few stares from my classmates. I picked up my pen again, trying to refocus on what I wanted to draw. “Sorry,” I murmured hating when that happened and it happened way too often for my liking. 

“Don’t apologize, it’s cute.” I swallowed hard, feeling my hand start to tremble, causing my eye to come out lopsided. “So favorite childhood memory and what do you do in your free time?” 

I let out a small sigh, thankful that I didn’t have to reply to the first part. “Uhm, I li-like to eat, read, sleep, paint, try different recipes, sleep, and study constellations.” I leaned closer to the paper, trying to lightly sketch a man on a surfboard. I bit my lip, deciding what my next painting was going to be. “It’s hard to pick one. But I guess the one I like the most is when my dad and I had a paint war. It was him and I vs my mom and Jay. We won,” I added smugly, remembering how upset mom was at first because we ruined her brand new white blouse. It had been totally worth the scolding my dad and I had gotten.

“Constellations,” Paul murmured, letting his hand brush against mine. “What’s your favorite?” I stopped drawing, faltering at his question. No one had ever asked me that. I shook the thoughts away, telling myself this was because of the biography and it was why he was asking. 

“I don’t have one,” I said, wrinkling my nose at my sketch, my hand wasn’t working today and my art was suffering. “Favorite thing to eat?” 

“Steak, hands down. With garlic butter and potatoes,” Paul rubbed his stomach, licking his lips as if he could taste it. “Or brownies, they are my favorite.”

“Mhm, that does sound good.” I could feel my mouth start to salivate at the thought of a big juicy steak. “But not the ones with nuts,” I asked, frowning at my sketch. If Alex were to see it, I already knew what he would do. Since it wasn’t my best, even for a doodle and he would scrap the duds. 

“Not the one with nuts. How did you know?” Paul questioned, peeking over at my doodle. “What’s wrong?” 

I set my pen down, grimacing at my doodle. “My hand isn’t working, I have to scrap it. It isn’t perfect.” I set my pen down, tracing my fingers over it. “Kim told me,” I added, starting to rip the page to toss it. 

“I think it looks good,” Paul murmured, showing me his. I smiled at his cartoon eyes. “You shouldn’t scrap it even if it isn’t perfect.” I bit my lip looking down at the page. “Perfection is overrated.”

I nodded, tearing the page out, setting it on my desk. “How so,” I asked, starting to sketch out the eye of Sauron. Even if it was a dud, I could always make it into something else. Perfection in my art was how I managed to get the project with Mr. Harlson. Perfection is how I got the opportunity of a lifetime.

“Perfection gives unwanted stress and worries, it’s bad for the body,” Paul murmured, starting to draw a different set of eyes. From his tone, it sounded like there was more he wanted to say but he held back and I wasn’t one to push. I nodded, knowing how stressed and worried I tended to get with the project. “My turn. What are you really bad at that you’d love to be good at?”

I swallowed hard, trying to focus on one thing instead of the ten that were circling my head. “Wanting to speak my mind,” I settled on the one that I wanted to be better at. “What about you?” I asked, even though I couldn’t imagine him being bad at anything. 

“That’s a good one,” Paul said, setting his drawing on mine. I looked at the different sets of eyes, semi envious of him drawing them so easily. “I want to be better at having patience.” Patience has been my savior when I wanted to murder Jay. 

“I can understand that,” I murmured, thinking about the multiple times' Jay tested mine. 

“Okay, class!” I glanced up seeing Ms. Blu holding up a piece of paper. “I know you are having fun with your biographies, but I need you to fill this out.” I took the papers from the girl in front of me. I handed one to Paul, grimacing at the yearbook survey. I didn’t know a lot of people in our senior class. “Set them on my desk when you're done.”

“Are they mandatory,” Justin yelled out, waving the paper mockingly. 

“No. But I would like you to participate,” Ms. Blu sighed, turning back to her computer. 

I stared at the paper, jotting Kim and Jared for the best romance. I wrinkled my nose at the rest of the questions, not knowing who to put. I pulled out my phone, letting my relief hit when I realized we only had four minutes of class left. I set the half sheet in my folder, signing my doodle. He leaned over signing his name quickly, crumbling the slip. “What class do you have after this?”

“I’m an aide for Mr. Kim,” Paul said, grabbing my foil ball. I nodded, he had been my favorite teacher last year. I had hated math but he made it bearable. “Mind if I walk with you?”

I glanced at Alex seeing him laughing with Lisa. I sighed knowing there wasn’t going to be a chance to speak with him. “Not at all,” I said, closing my notebook. I set it in my bag, trying to swallow the hurt I felt. I stood when the bell rang, fixing my jeans. Paul stood, slinging his backpack over his shoulder, walking beside me to the door. I glanced at Alex, noticing him ignoring me. Paul opened the door letting me walk out first, I smiled in thanks quietly walking beside him. 

“Are you alright,” Paul asked, walking so he battled the other students. I was grateful for him because I didn’t want to deal with the crowd. 

I didn’t want to bring him into my drama. I had already made him an unsuspecting accomplice and I didn’t want him to be in the middle. He didn’t deserve to be shoved into Alex and I’s mess. “Yeah.” 

** 9:57 a.m. Hallway, La Push High, La Push, Washington **

Paul stared at Laryssa, wondering what was going through her mind. She stopped beside Kim, sending her a small grin, running her fingers through her hair. Jared nudged him, furrowing his eyebrows silently asking him what was wrong. Paul shook his head, knowing that Laryssa had no reason to trust him yet. She barely knew him and he knew that she wasn’t sure of herself. He fought against the urge to ask her again. Part of him didn’t want to leave her since they only shared one class and he knew he would only see her briefly at lunch. He hated that he couldn’t talk to her and risk pissing off her territorial friend. He eyed her again, seeing her stare pointedly at her shoes. 

“So Laryssa,” Jared started causing her to glance at him. “Paul mentioned you were coming to the beach. Do you know how to surf?”

“No, I never learned,” She said, fiddling with her fingers. “I’m not very good with balancing,” She laughed, tugging her hair into a messy bun. Paul wanted to reach out and tuck the strands of hair away from her eyes. 

“Maybe Paul could teach you,” Jared suggested, tucking his hands into his pocket. “He’s been wanting to surf for a while now.”

“I’d be happy too,” Paul added, watching her glance at him doubtfully. “That is if you don’t wanna attack the water,” He couldn’t help but tease her. He was thankful that Kim and Jared stepped away.

“Ha,” She smirked, staring at him. “Funny.” Paul grinned back, seeing the pink flush across her cheeks. He so badly wanted to reach out and stroke her face. Patience, he reminded himself. He would be content with just being her friend if that is what she wanted. “I’m going to get dressed. See you,” She smiled, backing towards the locker room. “Maybe you can teach me to surf another time, I’m still attacking the floor and I’m not ready to take on water quite yet.” She laughed, sending him a wave before she ducked into the locker room. Paul grinned after her, happy that he was able to make her laugh. 

“If you keep staring at the door, people are going to think you're a creep,” Kim poked his side, rushing into the locker room slamming the door behind her. 

“She liked the drawing,” Paul said, walking down the empty hallway. Jared slung his arm over his shoulder, pulling him so he was hunched over. Paul elbowed him, standing so he wasn’t hunched over. 

“I told you she would,” Jared grinned, holding out his fist for a fist bump. Paul bumped his fist, trying to figure out where he wanted to get the wood for the carving. 

His thoughts flashed to Cody, trying to shove the anger down. He touched Laryssa and Sam had forbidden him from going near the punk without his brothers to hold him back. “Cody?” Paul knew that Jared shared multiple classes with him and he wanted to know that he was being kept away from Laryssa and Kim. Paul took a deep breath trying to calm himself down. His mind flashed to the nail marks on her skin. 

“Still an ass, but he won’t be going near the girls,” Jared grumbled, clenching his fists. Paul knew that Kim finally told him what was going on and they all agreed to watch out for them. “Jake is going to watch out for Kim when she has Cody in class with her. The others will keep an eye on Laryssa, but it’s easier since she doesn’t have classes with him.” Paul nodded, wanting to know how he got to her. He breathed in deeply, fighting the urge to go and slam him against a locker for even daring to touch her. “You know what Sam said,” Jared reminded, looking at the empty hallway. “Laryssa denied that he did it. Maybe one day she’ll tell you if he did or didn’t.” 

Paul grimaced, remembering the smile she sent Embry. He saw her reaction before the smile and his whole being was telling him that there was more to it. “I know,” He snapped, rubbing his face. This was the one thing he despised about the imprint. He wanted to take her and hide her from the horrors the world had to offer, but he couldn’t do it. 

“He won’t get to her,” Jared reassured, taking off towards his class. 

Paul glanced at his watch, heading to Mr. Kim’s class. He thought back to her praise to calm himself down and how beautiful she was when she smiled. He had been embarrassed to show her his work. The embarrassment was worth having her mesmerized by something _he_ drew for her. He was excited for the day where she would look at him like that. He opened the door, nodding to Mr. Kim as he took his seat at the back of the class. He reached back pulling out the files Mr. Kim left him, starting to grade the freshman’s assignments. 

** 11:54 a.m. Cafeteria, La Push High La Push, Washington **

“Alex, I’m sorry.” I sighed, sitting across from him. He ignored me, getting up from our lunch table heading to sit with Lisa and her friends. I watched her greet him enthusiastically. Alex grinned back at her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. I shook my head at him, knowing that he wasn’t in the mood to talk. It was my own fault and I had to deal with the consequences.

I glanced around the cafeteria, seeing the other students blatantly stare at me. I flushed knowing that they were probably going to gossip. Alex and I had sat together ever since freshman year. I stood up grabbing my chocolate bar, walking towards the doors not wanting to endure the stares. Just as I reached the door a warm hand grabbed my wrist. My eyes trailed up seeing Kim’s grinning face, she tugged me towards her table. I wanted to cry in relief, I didn’t want to be in the hallway alone again. “He’ll come around,” She murmured, pulling me so I sat next to her. I glanced around the table, sending a small smile to Embry and Jake. “Where are the others?” It had been a while since I had spoken to Jake and I wasn’t sure how he felt since I was hanging out with his group. 

Embry moved so he was sitting next to me. “That's all your eating,” He eyed my chocolate bar in disbelief. I rolled my eyes at him, seeing his mountain of food. 

I picked up my bar, rolling it in my palm. It was the only thing that helped me when I was stressed and lately, my intake had risen. “Yup,” I smiled, setting my water bottle on the table.

Kim bumped my shoulder, setting a bag of pretzels and orange in front of me. I shook my head at her pushing it back, I didn’t have the stomach to eat that. “Pretzels and chocolate go together,” She put the bag in front of me. 

“Are you trying to diet,” Embry asked, setting an apple beside the bag of pretzels.

“Who is on a diet,” Jared questioned, sitting beside Kim kissing her on the cheek. 

“Laryssa,” Paul murmured, sitting in the seat that Embry sat in. “Hey. You’re not eating?” 

I smiled at him, hoping that he or the others didn’t mind that Kim invited me to sit with them. “No, I’m just not very hungry.” I set Embry’s apple beside his milk, hoping he would just leave it. “Thank you though.” Embry looked like he wanted to slide the apple back but he refrained. 

“You should eat something,” Paul frowned, looking like he wanted to give me his tray. “You don’t need to diet.”

I opened my mouth to try to tell them that I wasn’t dieting, but Jake beat me. “Laryssa doesn’t like to eat anything other than chocolate when she’s stressed.” I bit the inside of my cheek, cursing him internally for blurting out my business. I froze clenching my hands tightly, not wanting to talk about my stress.

“Well hopefully she can get some relaxation this weekend,” Jared pulled himself away from his food when the table went quiet. “School’s stressful. I’d bring ice cream but I don’t want it to melt.”

I let out a small sigh, thankful for cover. 

“I’m nervous about the test too,” Embry said, shoving a handful of tater tots in his mouth. “I stress eat,” He offered with a mouthful of food. I laughed at him when he patted his imaginary belly. I didn’t bother paying attention to the rest of the conversation. I glanced at Paul, seeing him slowly start to eat his food. He caught my gaze, smiling at me. He turned his attention back to his food and I took the opportunity to stare at him for a few moments. His gray shirt was covered in lighter spots from when it drizzled earlier. There were a few small drops of water that clung to his hair. I felt eyes on me and I turned to see Jake frowning at me. I tensed knowing that he caught me looking at Paul. 

I picked up my chocolate bar, knowing that I should’ve just gone to the hallway. I was intruding on his friends and I’m sure he didn’t want me ogling at his friend. He didn’t like it when I tagged along when we were younger. I fought the urge not to fidget to bring further attention to myself.

I pulled my phone out looking at the time. I had twenty more minutes before lunch ended and I wasn’t sure if I should just make up an excuse to leave. Kim turned to me, standing, “come with me?” 

“Where are you going,” Jared swallowed hard, getting ready to stand. She set her hand on his shoulder pushing him down. 

I nodded, grabbing my bottle getting ready to shove my things in my bag, “The guys will watch it. I forgot something at my locker, we will be right back.” Embry nodded, setting my back on the chair I had sat in. I followed after Kim, thankful that I was able to get away from Jake's frown. Once we were out of the cafeteria I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Was I right that you needed a moment? Or did I read that wrong?”

I glanced at Kim, wondering how I was able to gain her as a friend. “I needed a moment,” I sent her a small smile, leaning against the locker. “How did you know?”

“I have superpowers,” Kim smiled, linking her arm through mine. “I just had a feeling after what Jacob said.” I bit my lip, trying not to be upset at what he said. 

“It doesn’t matter,” I offered the lie. It did matter to me, but I wasn’t going to make it a big deal. 

“You can tell me if it did,” Kim said, starting to walk down the hallway. “You don’t have to keep it bottled up.”

I stopped in the middle of the hallway, feeling all of the anger and hurt that I kept bottled starting to rise to the surface. Even though Alex tended to stress me out, I felt so alone without him. I looked at Kim, feeling my eyes start to water. Her eyes widened, before she tossed her arms around my shoulders, pulling me into a tight hug. I listened to her comforting words as I tried to stop the flood of tears. “He won’t speak to me,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around Kim. “It’s my fault, it’s all my fault.”

Kim pulled away, rushing me towards the girl's bathroom. She ducked in seeing a few freshman girls primping in the mirror. “Out. All of you,” Kim shooed them all out, ignoring the glares. “Now,” She pushed the last girl out, turning to face me. “Laryssa, it’s not.” Kim grabbed some paper towels, wetting the rough material, dabbing it gently underneath my eyes. “It’s not. You tried to talk to him several times and he’s being childish,” She sighed, tossing them in the trash. “I know you miss him, you went from talking to him every day to hardly speaking at all. It’s okay to miss him, but he’s not ready and he should tell you that he isn’t ready instead of giving you the silent treatment.” 

“I think I lost him, Kim,” I wiped my eyes when I felt more tears fall down my cheeks. I hated myself for crying, but I couldn’t stop the flood. I felt panicked at not having Alex. He was all I had and without him, I had no one. 

“If you did then it is his loss,” She wet another paper towel, catching the tears. She sighed, setting her hands on my shoulders. “You told me earlier that you didn’t know who you were without him, and maybe you should take the time to find out. But I want you to know that you aren’t alone. You have me.” Kim smiled pulling me into a tight hug. “God, I hate that you are feeling this way.” I hugged her back, wiping my eyes. “Stick with me this week. Give him time.”

I nodded, pulling back with a watery smile. I glanced in the mirror seeing my face blotchy. When we went back I knew that they would know something was up. “I don’t want to intrude, Kim,” I voiced my concern. 

“You aren’t. You won Jared over the second you gave me brownies and Paul won’t mind at all,” Kim soothed my concerns. “Don’t worry. Trust me.” Kim grasped my hands, sending me a wide grin. “Now, take a deep breath, and let’s go back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Edited on May 1, 2020.


	8. Not The Clumsy One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe. Thank you to those who have favored, followed, and reviewed you are my inspiration and I appreciate each and every one of you! I hope you guys liked Chapter 6. I'm excited/nervous for you to read Chapter 7. I really liked writing this one and it's the longest chapter I have written so far. But, I hope you enjoy it! Have a happy May the 4th! I have posted Scarred Angel on Fanfiction, and Archive of our own as well. Enjoy!
> 
> Always and Forever,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, silent treatment, stress, abandonment.
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

* * *

Chapter 7: Not The Clumsy One

" **I love you. Remember. They cannot take it." - Lauren Oliver, Delirium.**

**4:56 a.m. Inside the Clearwater home, La Push, Washington**

"She said it's okay and she's going to call the school," I murmured, setting my phone back in my pocket. Deep down I knew my mom didn't care, but part of me wished that she would care. I wanted her to look at me like how Sue was. I wanted to see her brows furrow in concern and her lips turn into a thin line as she thought about the one minuscule day of education I would miss. Sue sighed setting her hands on my shoulders, and to my surprise I realized she disapproved of me missing school. It was the reaction that I craved from my mom and my heart dropped because I didn't get it from the one person I wanted it from."What's the menu?"

Sue sighed again before her hands rested on my face. Her brown eyes bored into mine as if she were trying to read my soul. "I don't like you missing school, even if your mom said she's okay with it." I scrunched my nose at her, placing my hands over hers. Her worries warmed my heart. I closed my eyes, and for a second I imagined that it had been my mom holding my face gently, and I was touching her hands instead of Sue's feeling how smooth and warm they were.

"It's only for today," I grinned, thankful that I didn't have to endure Alex's glares. After my tear fest, I had stuck to Kim like glue, eternally thankful that she didn't mind my clinginess. She had welcomed it with open arms as had most of the guys except for Jake. I almost didn't notice the absence of Alex. Even with his silence, I knew his anger was brewing and part of me felt like he wanted to punish me since he knew I didn't have anyone else besides him. Except he didn't anticipate my friendship with Kim and I could feel that little fact upset him even more. "I hardly miss school and you know I love to cook."

"Alright," Sue accepted after a few moments, pulling me towards the kitchen counter. "You're going to be in charge of the deserts. The only thing that needs to go in the oven are the brownies. Everything else needs to be frosted and decorated. We have about seven hours until twelve." Sue patted my back, ducking out of the kitchen. I started organizing my area so that I could get things done as quickly and neatly as possible.

I perked up when Leah entered the kitchen, stumbling towards the coffee pot. She frowned at the dozens of cookies that blocked her path. "Leah," I held up my fresh cup of coffee knowing that she needed it more than I did. "Here."

"Thanks," She mumbled, shuffling towards the hot snoopy mug. Her fingers grabbed my bun at the top of my head, moving my head back and forth playfully. "Mom roped you in?"

I smirked, setting one of the cakes on the platter opening the frosting container. "I don't mind. I rather do this than go to school," I said, watching her settle in the chair and run her fingers through her long hair. "What time does your shift start?"

"Three hours." She took one of the sugar cookies, dipping it into her mug. I didn't have the heart to tell her not to eat them. She looked deep in thought, "You need to get your diploma, and get out of here." I bit my lip knowing where she was headed. The announcement of Emily and Sam's engagement had brought back all of the hurt she buried. But I was content here, and I didn't want to leave. "There's nothing for you here." Leah frowned, gulping the rest of the coffee down. "Your cousins had the right idea. I should've listened to them," Her voice was low, and I knew she didn't want her mom or her brother to hear. "Don't worry about the runts, I got them today." I was relieved that I had one less thing to worry about. Since Jay hadn't seen her in a while, I hoped that he would open up to her if he needed to get something off his chest. He had been moody all week but he wouldn't tell me why.

Leah got up stretching her long limbs, pinching my cheek. I batted her hand away, rubbing my sore cheek. I glanced up at her, frowning internally at the pain in her eyes. She didn't have that look a few years ago. Leah set the empty mug in the sink, heading back to her room. I stared after her forgetting about the cake. Maybe she was right that there was nothing for me here. My mom had wanted to leave everything behind when dad died, but I convinced her to let Jay and I stay. I was selfish and I wasn't ready to leave behind the memories. But now I couldn't help but think what if it had been better if we left. Left the pain and the trauma, to start over. Start new. I thought about Rachel and Rebecca, knowing how happy they were living their lives in the world away from La Push and the pain of losing a parent. I felt it every day and as time went on the pain hardly went away.

I blinked rapidly, cursing myself for my delay. I was here to make Sue's life easier, not spiral into my thoughts. I took a deep breath in, shoving everything I felt into a box. I would deal with it another day. I focused back on the cake, shoving some of the white frosting into a gallon bag so I could use it later. "Please let my hand be better than it was yesterday."

**7:53 a.m. Inside the Clearwater home, La Push, Washington**

I covered the last cake, grimacing at the dozens of cookies that were waiting for my touch. I yawned, trying to wake myself up and slowly talk hand into not cramping up. I patted my stomach, wondering if I had food in my car. I yanked out my earphones, listening to the insistent knocking, wondering if I should get the door. "Laryssa, can you get the door?" I tossed my headphones to the side.

"Coming," I called when the knocking continued. I used my wrist to push my hair away from my face. I grabbed the dishtowel, wiping the frosting from my fingers, rushing to the front door. I cursed myself when my foot caught on the carpet causing me to slam into the front door. "Sorry," I winced, yanking the door open. Rubbing my hand across my face, I stared into deep brown eyes. I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face when Paul leaned against the railing holding a plastic grocery bag. "Sorry, come in," I said when I realized I was blocking the door. I glanced down at my attire grateful that I decided to get dressed this morning.

"Did you hit the door," I could hear the amusement in his voice. I nodded, glaring at the carpet for yanking my foot. He laughed, reaching out to touch my cheek. I stared at him, blushing when he showed me the yellow icing that took a liking to my cheek. "Even though you looked cute with the yellow smeared on your cheek, I don't think you want it there." I flushed not knowing how to respond to his comment. I told myself that it was a friendly observation and not to think too much about it. I offered him the dishtowel, checking my reflection in the mirror to make sure nothing else was on my face.

"Paul," Sue said, eyeing me curiously as I fixed my bun nervously. I took the dishtowel back, ignoring his smirk. "This from Emily," She took the bag, peeking in it. She pulled out a foil-wrapped burrito. "Breakfast," Sue set one in my hand, patting my cheek. "Eat, then you can finish."

I smiled, heading back towards the kitchen sending Paul a small wave over my shoulder. I sat down in one of the chairs, looking at the timer. I needed to move some of the cookies so the brownies could cool. I set my food down, deciding to make room before I ate. "Aren't you supposed to be eating," Paul asked, reaching to take the container of cookies. He set it on the table, taking the other one I had grabbed. I pulled out the cooling racks, moving to sit back down. I wrapped my earphones up, shoving them in my pocket.

"I will now," I opened the foil, grinning when I smelt the bacon, eggs, and potatoes. I took a bite, closing my eyes at the warm breakfast. I loved breakfast, and I hated when I missed it. Paul pulled out the other chair, glancing at the table full of frosting and cookie containers. "This is so good." He laughed, watching me while I ate.

I set my breakfast down when the timer went off. "I got it," Paul offered, setting his hands on my shoulder so I stayed seated. I watched him put the pink frilly oven mitts on and open the oven. I swallowed hard when I realized how good he looked with them which was not what I expected. How could anyone look good with those grandma themed oven mitts? His black shirt stretched across his muscled back as he opened the oven. He pulled out the two pans, setting them on the racks turning off the oven. I wanted to capture a picture of him in the oven mitts to try and tease him, but I was content with just having the memory of him with them on. He took them off, turning back to me. "What?"

I shook my head refusing to admit out loud how good he looked, turning my attention back to my food. He sat down again, watching me. "Thanks, for helping." I perked up when Seth walked into the kitchen. Seth grinned at me, reaching down to give me a quick hug. "Morning," I offered him the rest of my food, feeling bad that I didn't make him anything to eat like I usually did. Seth took a bite shaking his head when I tried to get him to take the rest, instead, he grabbed two cookies before I could stop him. He gave me another quick hug, "Jay's awake and he's waiting for Leah."

Seth glanced at Paul, grinning at him. "Morning! Thanks for the bite." He darted out of the kitchen when Leah called for him. I watched him go, wishing that I could be that happy in the morning.

"You're gonna be late for school," I murmured when I noticed Paul still watching me.

Sue walked in, yanking on Paul's hair lightly. "Off to school," She murmured, setting a bottle of apple juice on the table. "I already took one away, I don't want to take another." I watched with wide eyes when Paul pouted at her. Sue quirked an eyebrow at him, clearly showing that she wasn't falling victim to his antics. I held in my laugh when he tried puppy eyes. He was good, but he wasn't Seth. "No."

"Let him help," I heard a new voice call out. I peered around Sue, seeing Emily. Every time I saw her she glowed brighter than before. Her long hair had been pulled into an intricate braid. "We could use an extra set of hands since Sam can't make it."

Sue frowned and I knew she was on the verge of saying yes. "It couldn't hurt if he helped," I offered, finishing the rest of my food. Sue, Emily, and I could handle the food, but it would help with an extra set of hands. Paul sent me a smile before he turned to stare at Sue.

"Fine," She relented, putting her hand on Emily's shoulder. "You can help me with the fish, Paul you can help Laryssa. Don't eat them." I bit the inside of my cheek, not daring to tell her that Seth and Leah ate some. "We have about four hours." I nodded, getting up to wash my hands.

I dried my hands on the dishtowel, glancing at the containers. Now that I had help I knew we could knock this out easily. "I've already premade the colors, all we have to do is decorate them." I smiled at Paul, setting the other colors on the table.

Paul nodded, getting up brushing his hand on my hip as he passed me. I shivered, trying to ignore the warmth that started to build in the pit of my stomach. I bit my lip, telling myself that it was an accident. These past few days, I felt like he and I had gotten closer. "Okay, I've got a new one." I groaned with a small smile when I realized that it was one of his jokes. I acted like I didn't like them, but I did. "It's a good one I promise."

"Let's hear it," I sighed, knowing that it was probably going to be corny.

"What did one boat say to another," He asked, and I could hear the grin on his face. I reached over him opening one of the containers. I shrugged, waiting for him to continue. "Are you up for a little row-mance?" I snorted, rolling my eyes at how cheesy that was.

"Where do you find these," I asked, trying to smother my smile. When Kim and I had come back from her locker, he had started up with the cheesy jokes. Even though they were cheesy, he made me laugh.

"Embry has this joke book," Paul said, his arm brushing against mine as we worked side by side. I could feel his warmth radiating off of him. "Jared said that they were too corny and no girl would laugh at them. Looks like I keep proving him wrong."

"They are cheesy, but I think they are cute," I offered, glancing at him. "Figures Em would have a book dedicated to cheesiness." Embry had always been cheesy. I remembered him telling a joke to the girls behind us in science and how they both snubbed him. "Guess you just have to find the right girls," I offered, wondering if he told the joke to other girls and if they laughed.

"Looks like I found the right girl," He murmured, turning so he was looking at me. I dropped the cookie that I had been working on. It doesn't mean anything, I thought as I picked up the cookie frowning at how smudged the frosting was. I needed to get a hold of myself. "You're close with Seth?"

I nodded, thankful that he was changing the subject."He and Jay grew up together. So I got another little brother by luck." They were inseparable and I was glad that Jay had him and his other two friends. Seth's ray of happiness had been a lifesaver when dad had died. He had kept Jay's head above water. "He is my guinea pig when it comes to new recipes."

"He's a happy kid," Paul murmured, setting his cookies off to the side to dry.

"It rubs off on you," I smiled, thinking about the multiple times I had woken up depressed and dreading the day. But after I had picked up Seth, he and Jay made me feel loads better. "I hope he stays like that."

"I'm sure he will," Paul bumped his hip against mine. "Leah will murder anyone who breaks his heart." I nodded in agreement, knowing it was over for the girl who decided to break his heart. I never experienced a broken heart, and from what I have seen with Leah, I never wanted too. "Have you ever had one? A broken heart?"

"No, I've never been in love to have one," I admitted embarrassed that I was eighteen and still had never been in a relationship. "Have you had one?"

"Yeah, but I know now it was for the best." I wondered what he meant by that, but I wasn't going to ask. "I thought she was the one, but I was wrong."

"What happened," I asked, opening a new container. Paul didn't seem like he ever had a broken heart, but there was more to him than I knew and I wanted to have a chance to know who he was.

Paul reached over, setting some cookies on his mat. I shivered when his arm brushed against mine, I couldn't get used to his touch. It felt like sparks every time I felt his skin. "Cody seemed to capture her interest more than I did. I thought what we had was enough, but in the end, it wasn't. I've made peace with it." I tried to remember who Paul hung around with freshman year, but I couldn't place his band of friends. I think over the years I had shared about three classes total with him. I remembered him being a lot less buff than he was now, but I still thought he was cute.

"Does it hurt?" I winced at how childlike I sounded. Of course, it hurt, it was such an idiotic question. "Sorry, stupid question."

I stared at his hand covering mine. "Remember what I told you? You can ask me anything, without judgment." I wondered if our hands would fit together if I turned my hand. God, I needed to get a grip. He was way out of my league and even if he was I wasn't worth it. "It did. I was angry, she tossed everything away like we meant nothing." Paul took his hand away, but I felt his hand tremble. Whoever she was, I couldn't help but dislike her. I didn't know her reasoning, but I couldn't fathom any reason for choosing Cody Rivers over Paul.

I set my hand on top of his before I could stop myself. "Her loss. You'll find someone who makes you happy." Paul turned his hand, taking mine in his. I glanced at him, holding my breath when I realized how close we were. I could see flecks of gold in his eyes. I pulled my hand away when I heard the front door slam.

"How's it going," Emily's cheerful voice filled the kitchen. "Oh these are so cute," She peered over my shoulder looking at the cookies we had decorated so far.

"It's going good," Paul answered, turning his attention from me to her. I touched my hand that he held, smiling when I realized how mine had fit in his.

**12:15 p.m. Fork's Hospital, Forks, Washington**

I smiled politely at the hoard of hungry nurses that crowded around the table full of food. I hated the hospital and I was fighting my fight or flight response. I started edging towards the back, so I could relax against the wall and away from the smells of death. A warm hand rested on my back, and I knew it was Paul. I breathed in deeply, focusing on his hand. I knew I was placing too much into him, but I couldn't help it. He made me feel safe.

"Laryssa," I looked at the nurse who called my name. I blinked rapidly when I saw Nurse Norris. He hadn't changed since I last saw him, except for the black glasses on his face. He walked towards me and suddenly I was transported to the last awful memory I had of him. I reached behind me, grabbing Paul's hand in a death grip. Paul tensed moving closer to me, grabbing my hand so he had a better grip on mine. "My god you have grown."

"N-Nurse Norris," I tried to smile and let my anger stay in the box I had placed it in, but my smile felt more like a grimace. "It's what happens when the years go by," I said, trying to shove down the unwanted memories.

"Still got that smart mouth," He laughed like he was relieved, crossing his arms staring up at Paul. He was waiting for an introduction and part of me wanted to tell him to shove it, but I was trying to embrace being the bigger person like my dad would've wanted.

"Paul, this is Nurse Norris. Nurse Norris, this is Paul," I introduced, feeling somewhat sick to my stomach. I tried to hold onto the words that my old therapist told me, but the more I looked at that man the more I wanted to knee him where the sun didn't shine.

"Hi," The elder man smiled up at Paul, turning his attention back to me. "How's your mom and brother?"

"Fine," I didn't want to give him any more information. "Enjoy your food," I kept my voice steady, holding on to Paul's hand like it was my last lifeline. "Excuse us." I pulled Paul towards the door, silently hoping Sue would understand that I needed air. I felt like I was choking.

I practically ran until I was outside and I didn't realize that I had dragged Paul with me. "What's hap-," I turned, burying my face into Paul's shirt, not caring about how I looked. I just wanted to scream, everything that I had buried was trying to break free. I grabbed his shirt, in an effort to try and calm myself down. His arms wrapped around me holding me closer to him. "I've got you." I took in a shaky breath, holding onto him tighter. "Just focus on breathing or my breathing."

I nodded following his calming breathing. I paid attention to his heartbeat, finding comfort listening to his heart. "I hate him," I whispered, finally saying what I could never say to anyone. My dad had always told me there was no room for hate in our hearts and it was an ugly emotion. I could hear his words. _We are better than that._ But that didn't stop me from hating him. Paul rubbed my back, tightening his arms again. "I'm sorry." I closed my eyes when I realized that I just dragged him into my drama, yet again. I was going to drag him down and he needed to stay far away from me.

Paul pulled back, putting his hands on my cheeks. He held my face so I couldn't look away. "Friends are there for each other. I've got you, no matter what. I don't know who he is, but if you hate him then, I hate him too."

I grabbed his wrists holding them tightly sending him a small smile. I never had someone have that kind of blind loyalty. Although it warmed my heart, I couldn't have him do that. "You don't have to do that, but I appreciate it, so much." He grinned, holding my hands. I glanced back at the doors, knowing that we had to go back in. "I owe you an explanation." Deep down I knew I had to tell him, why I acted like a child but I wasn't ready to face that. I wasn't ready to admit why Nurse Norris caused me to form the ugly emotion of hatred.

"No, you don't. You don't owe me anything," He denied, letting go of one of my hands to stroke my cheek. "Tell me when you want to or if you want to."

I let his hand go, reaching to give him a hug. I wrapped my arms around his torso, squeezing him lightly. "Thank you," I murmured, relieved that I didn't have to go into details. He had helped me on numerous occasions and I didn't have any way to thank him besides a poor batch of brownies. "We should get back," I wasn't excited to be in the same room as that man, but I was there for Sue and I would push aside my feelings for her.

**2:16 p.m. Paul's Truck, La Push, Washington**

"No," Laryssa laughed, tugging her long inky hair from the bun on the top of her head. He glanced at her quickly, wanting to run his fingers through it. He inhaled, breathing in her rose shampoo. "Paul, please tell me that you're kidding."

"I'm not," He grinned at the sounds of her giggles. "Call deserved it," He shrugged, tightening his hand on the wheel. He took his foot off the gas not wanting to reach her house too soon. "I never lose bets."

"Never," She asked, running her fingers through her hair. "I can't believe he ate snails." She shivered, making a face. "Remind me never to place a bet with you." Laryssa smiled, humming along with the radio. Paul glanced at her again, wondering how someone could piss her off so much to make her hate them. He didn't think that she had a hateful bone in her body.

"Never," He admitted, relieved that she wasn't upset earlier. He told her that he'd wait for her to tell him and he would. But that didn't stop him from wondering what happened between the nurse and his imprint. After they joined Sue and Emily again, he hovered closer to Laryssa making sure the nurse didn't come close to her. He noticed the glances from the nurse set her and they made him feel uncomfortable. He could only imagine what Laryssa felt. "What are you going to do for the rest of the day?"

"Not sure, Jay is going to Collins house. What are you gonna do?" Laryssa tapped her fingers against her thighs, letting out a small yawn.

He wanted to spend more time with her. Paul wanted to be greedy. He hardly had time with her. He only spent time with her in their class, walking with her to her next class and at lunch but he wanted more. "I don't know. Do you want to hang out?"

He saw her fingers falter against her thighs and he almost backtracked on his offer. He was torn between not wanting to push her and wanting to be with her. "Sure. I want to show you something first," She smiled relaxing against his seat, combing through her hair again.

"New drawing," He asked, putting himself at ease now that he knew she was okay with spending more time with him.

"Maybe," She teased, staring out the window. "Do you like the rain?"

He eyed the small drops of water hitting the windshield. Paul didn't hate the rain, but he didn't love the rain either. It was a pain when he was on patrol, the rain pelting his fur and mud clinging to his paws. But he did like the fact that it cooled his skin. "Depends on my mood. Sometimes yes and sometimes no. Do you?"

"Yeah. Well sometimes. Today I like it, but yesterday I wasn't fond of it. Driving in it isn't fun" She smiled, pulling her hair so it was gathered on the side of her face.

Laryssa held her arms tighter against her chest. Paul froze when he remembered his heater went out a few months ago. He never bothered to replace it because he never needed it. "Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't realize how cold it was."

"It's alright," She brushed it off, rubbing her wrist.

"I don't get cold," He cursed himself internally. How could he not realize how cold she was becoming. "I'm warm-blooded," He let the lie slip off his tongue. "C'mere." He stopped at the light, knowing they had about twenty- twenty-five miles to go. "You'll warm-up." He watched her falter slightly before she took off her seatbelt and slowly moved over. Her movements were hesitant and he was more than happy to let her set the pace. She hooked her seatbelt, lightly pressing against him. "I'm sorry," He muttered his senses on overdrive since she was close to him. He could feel his skin tingling where she was touching.

"It's nothing to apologize for," Laryssa said, moving closer to him. He could feel her shaking and he was furious at himself. "Do you mind if I wrap my arm around yours?"

"N-no," He grimaced when his voice cracked, he didn't mind if she wanted to touch him. He moved his arm and she wrapped her arm through his. After a few moments, she rested her head against his shoulder, he shook his head when he realized her hair was still damp. He glanced at her through the corner of his eye, a soft smile on his face. He listened to her breathing even out after a while. He now understood what Jared meant when he said he was at peace when he was with Kim. He was at peace with her.

**3:08 p.m. Chiago Driveway, La Push, Washington**

Paul stopped the truck, turning it off. She felt warm and for once he was glad that he had a higher temperature. He reached over, resting his hand on her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open and she glanced up at him, sending him a shy smile. "Have a good nap?" He couldn't help but tease her.

Paul watched her cheeks start to turn pink. "The best," She let go of his arm, tucking her hair behind her ears. "You're really warm and surprisingly comfortable."

He swallowed hard when she turned the tables. "Surprisingly?" He held his heart as if she wounded him badly. "You wound me."

Laryssa laughed, gathering her things. "Hopefully not too bad." She opened the passenger door, "C'mon." She got out and ran towards the porch. Paul grinned to himself, following after her. He ran up the stairs slipping when he got to the top step. His hand reached out grabbing the first thing to steady himself. He heard Laryssa yelp in surprise as he grabbed her arm, pulling her down with him. He moved so that when they fell he cushioned her fall.

Laryssa landed on him, her palms reaching out to catch herself. She stared at him with wide eyes, before she started laughing. He grinned at her, loving the way her laugh sounded. It reminded him of the chimes his mom used to hang when he was younger. "I'm starting to see why you like attacking the floor." He sat up, bumping his nose against hers. He heard her suck in a breath and he could see her eyes dilate when they met his. "I didn't mean to pull you down."

Laryssa smiled at him, moving so she was sitting beside him. She bumped his shoulder, "it's nice not being the clumsy one." He smirked, rubbing the back of his neck. "C'mon, clumsy," Laryssa teased, standing up offering him a hand.

He barked out a laugh, taking her hand knowing there was no way she was going to be able to help him up. He just wanted to feel her hand in his. "Clumsy?" He pretended to use her as he got up.

She smirked, letting go of his hand to unlock the house. "Yeah, it's going to stick for a while." She walked in, holding the door open for him. He walked in and was immediately surrounded by her scent. Paul looked around the room, liking how homey it felt. She shut the door, walking towards her art room. "C'mon."

He trailed after her, looking at the frames hung up in the hallway. In every single one of them, she was grinning wildly. Ever since he knew her, he hadn't seen her smile like that. He stopped, seeing a photo of Laryssa being hugged by three people. He recognized her little brother, only he had chubbier cheeks. He didn't recognize the woman, but Laryssa looked just like her. They had the same brown eyes, dark hair and their smile mirrored each other. He had never seen her before and it was odd because it was a small town, everyone knew everyone. The man who had his arms wrapped around all of them was grinning the most. He held them like he had just won the lottery. He was happy that she grew up loved and wanted. He didn't get that from his parents, but they kept him fed and sheltered, it was all that mattered to him. "Is this your dad?" He asked, seeing her stop.

Laryssa turned around to see what had captured his attention. She sent him a soft smile, as she reached out to touch the frame. "Yeah. That's my mom next to him." Laryssa reached out to touch her dad's face, "It was a good day."

"I'm sorry," He heard the pain in her voice and it was a pain he couldn't take away.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," Laryssa smiled, dropping her hand from the frame. "So, you gave me an idea, when we were drawing the eyes. I hope you like it," She grabbed his arm, tugging him towards her art room. She opened the door, practically skipping towards a canvas covered by a sheet. Laryssa grabbed his arms moving him so he was in a certain spot. She grinned at him, reaching to tug off the white sheet. Just as it was about to fall off, she hesitated.

"You're doing it on purpose," Paul laughed, rubbing his hands together trying to be patient, but he wasn't known for his patience. "Let's see it," Laryssa smirked, letting the sheet fall.

He froze, seeing her painting. He stared at the eye, focusing on a lone surfer wading in the water staring at the horizon waiting for a wave. He took a step closer, seeing his tattoo and he knew it was him. It was the first time that he had been the center of attention in a positive way. He wondered if this is how she really saw him. If she had seen him without the stigmas their class placed on him. He stared at it, seeing someone without the weight of a protector looming on him. He didn't have tensed shoulders and he looked at ease. He could feel his throat tightening and the last thing he wanted was to upset Laryssa by crying or hearing it later from the guys. He could feel her curious eyes on him and he didn't know how to tell her he loved it. His words were failing him and so he did the only thing he could think of.

**3:18 p.m. Chiago House, La Push, Washington**

I tensed when Paul's arms wrapped around me. I slowly let my arms wrap around him when my shock wore off. I didn't have to ask if he liked it. I could tell by his reaction. I smiled, tightening my arms around his neck. I was comforted by his deep breaths, and I realized how deep I had gotten myself. I didn't know how in the span of a week, he had become someone so important to me. I held him tighter when his own arms tightened around me. I knew I was no good for him, but I wanted to be selfish. I didn't want to let him go or push him away. I was going to ride this out until he decided I was too much. I stared at the painting over his shoulder. I pulled back, smiling up at him.

"It's beautiful," He murmured, keeping his arms resting against my lower back. I held my breath when he rested his forehead against mine. I felt the warmth start to build in my stomach. "I have no words, other than how beautiful it is." My cheeks flushed at his compliment.

I let my hands move so they held his cheeks. I stroked my thumbs against his cheek feeling stubble. Paul closed his eyes, his arms tightening again. "It's yours," I murmured, trying not to second guess my thoughts of touching him. I didn't want to let go. "I'm happy you like it," I smiled, feeling his smile. I closed my eyes, focusing on his body against mine. I opened my eyes when he shifted, so we were closer. I let my hands drop, so they settled on his upper arms.

"You didn't sign it," Paul said, keeping his forehead against mine. I held in my sigh, taking a moment to cherish the feel of his skin against mine. I didn't know if I would feel it again.

I looked away laughing when his forehead knocked against my hair. "I forgot." I let go of him, moving to the canvas, smiling when he didn't let go right away. I kneeled, signing my name on the bottom right corner. I stared up at the painting, smiling softly. "There. The artist has signed her work." Paul offered a hand to me. I grabbed his hand allowing him to pull me up.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Edited on May 4, 2020.


	9. I Don't Have Doubts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe. Thank you to those who have favored, followed, and reviewed you are my inspiration and I appreciate each and every one of you! I hope you guys liked Chapter 7. I'm nervous for you to read Chapter 8, I wrote this chapter three times from scratch and to be honest, I don't feel like it's my best but I still like it. This one is actually the longest chapter I have written so far. But, I hope you enjoy it! I have posted Scarred Angel on Fanfiction, and Archive of our own as well. Enjoy!
> 
> Always and Forever,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, self-doubt, worry, worthlessness, implied sexual abuse, stress, abandonment.
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

* * *

**Chapter 8: I Don't Have Doubts**

**“Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.” ― Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness**

** 10:49 a.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington **

I stared at my reflection, grimacing at myself. I sighed looking away quickly, trying to figure out how in the world I was going to tame the rat’s nest on my head. I didn’t even know how so many knots had happened in so little time. I glanced at my phone, debating on whether or not my mom was busy. She usually ate lunch around twelve, and as far as I knew she wasn’t doing anything today. I sighed, pushing the thought as far as I could, I didn’t want to bother her. I could handle my hair disaster and she didn’t need my anxiety of going to hang out with friends. I eyed the mirror, grabbing my brush starting to get to work. I put my brush down when Jay barged into my room. “We talked about this,” I murmured, frowning at his bashful look. It didn’t matter how many talks I had with him, he still forgot to knock and it was driving me up the wall. 

“Sorry. I was just letting you know that Leah is gonna pick me up soon. I have some stuff that I want to talk to her about.” Jay smiled, coming to stand behind me. I sent him a small smile, happy that he was talking to her about how he was feeling. He set his hands on my shoulders, taking my brush. I was about to tell him not to bother, but he started brushing my hair. I closed my eyes, pushing away the memory of mom doing the same. My eyes shot open when he accidentally hit a tender spot. He sent me a guilty smile. “What are you gonna do today?” I stared at him through the mirror, seeing his hair styled to perfection. He looked so much like dad, I felt a pain in my chest. “What? Are you upset that I’m going to talk with Leah?”

“Of course not. I’m happy that you have someone to talk too,” I grabbed his hand, so he didn’t think I was upset. “You look so much like dad,” I smiled, hoping that he didn’t doubt my words. “I just didn’t realize how much you’ve grown up.”

He rolled his eyes, pulling the brush through my hair softer than he was before. “You’re not upset about Leah?” 

“No, I’m glad that you have someone to turn too.” I smiled seeing the rat’s nest start to calm. I tapped my fingers against the vanity, wondering if I should tell him who I saw yesterday. I decided against it, not wanting him to stress about that jackass. 

“You didn’t answer me. You usually like to sleep in until twelve,” He ran his fingers through my hair, pinching my ear lobe playfully. I loved the rare moments like this. “Rys?”

I fixed my hair, so it parted down the middle. I smiled when it reached my ribs, I had finally gotten it to where I had wanted it. Alex had told me to cut it shorter a few months ago, but I always loved the thought of having lengthy hair, even though it got tangled easily. “I’m going to the beach with some friends.” The thought of having more than one friend had me feeling a little bit giddy.

Jay nodded, sitting at the edge of my bed, messing with my blanket. I turned in my chair, running my fingers through my combed hair. “Is Paul going to be there?”

I bit my lip, trying my best not to fidget. I could still feel his forehead pressed against mine and his warm breath on my face. I wasn’t sure where Jay’s thoughts were since we had talked about him last. I wasn’t even sure if he knew Alex and I weren’t speaking. “Yeah, he invited me.” I glanced at him, trying to read his body language but he wasn’t giving anything away. “Jay, something on your mind?”

“I’m just worried, sis.” He said, rubbing his hands over his face. “I know you don’t want to hear it and I’m trying to be open-minded. But I’m nervous.”

I got up from my vanity, patting his leg as I sat next to him on my bed. I laid my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arm through his. “I am too,” I admitted, knowing that I could trust him with my doubt. “But I want to take a chance. I think there is more to him than what everyone believes.” 

“What if there’s not and you get hurt. I almost lost you when dad died and I can’t lose you again,” Jay rested his head on mine. I had been a mess when dad died, and I had forgotten about my little brother. When he died I wanted to follow, I didn’t want to live without him. I understood where Jay was coming from, but I had seen a side to Paul that made me want to know who he really was.

“What if there is?” I grabbed his hand, holding on to it tightly hoping to be optimistic. “Have a little faith in me,” I lifted my head, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I’m stronger than I look,” I said, knowing that he didn’t believe me when I heard his huff. I eyed him, knowing that I had failed in being the strong one for him. I had allowed him to grow up quickly when dad died and become the caretaker of me and it wasn’t fair. He didn’t deserve that. 

“What does Alex think,” Jay moved away from my arms, crossing my room to stare at my wall of photos. He pulled one of Alex and me in middle school. I glanced at it and I found myself missing who I used to be. I had been lucky to have Alex, I knew not many others would’ve put up with me. I owed everything to him. “I can’t believe I’m even asking you about him,” Jay scoffed, tossing the picture on my desk. I didn’t understand why he disliked him so much.

“He isn’t speaking to me right now,” I sighed, trying to be patient with his anger. I wanted a chance to apologize to Alex. We have been friends for so long and I didn’t want to lose him. “I ignored him and he isn’t too happy with me.” Jay clenched his teeth together, sitting on my chair. I let out a deep breath deciding to try and ask him why he was so angry at Alex.“Jay, why don’t you like him?”

He froze and I wasn’t sure if I had just made a mistake for even asking. I didn’t want to fight, but I needed to know. I wanted to know why my little brother was harboring anger for my closest friend. “I have my reasons. But I can’t tell you.”

I gritted my teeth together, ignoring the frustration that wanted to burst at his dismissal. I wanted to respect his wishes, but he started to dislike him a few months ago and I wanted to know why. I wanted to know what changed and every time I asked he shut me down. “Can’t or won’t?” His eyes snapped to mine and I could see how distraught he was. It wasn’t the emotion I had been expecting and he caught me off guard. Jay hunched over, tugging at his hair harshly. I panicked when I realized he was shaking. I moved quickly so I was kneeling in front of him. Gently I pulled his hands from his hair, I could feel the stickiness of whatever hair product he used. “Jayden breathe.”

He inhaled sharply, holding onto my hands tightly. “He’s not good for you. He never has been. Don’t go back to him.” I frowned holding onto his hands, trying to figure out what the root of the problem was. But my mind was turning up blank.“Please just don’t.” I faltered seeing the hurt in Jay’s eyes. What did Alex do that caused him to react this way?

“Did he do something to you,” I asked, feeling my stomach drop when he let out a shaky breath. I was trying to prepare myself for the worst case, and I was terrified of the answer. Did I let someone I trusted harm him? Had I been too careless about who I brought into our house? “Jayden, sweetheart. Tell me please.” He faltered, his hands continued to shake in mine. _Talk to me._

“No.” He denied, shaking his head. I stared at him, searching to see if he was lying. Jay met my eyes, “No he didn’t.”

“Then what is it Jay,” I asked semi-relieved to find out my worst fear had been shut down. I still wanted to know why Alex caused this bad of a reaction, “I...I don’t understand.”

“Sister, please don’t go back,” Jayden tried to grab my head, but I pulled away still trying to figure out why. “Just trust me this once.” I let out a deep breath, unsure of what to do. I stared at him, wanting him to just tell me what was going on. I was about to tell him that I couldn’t just drop my friendship, but I faltered when I saw him struggling. I pulled him so that he was resting against me as I used to when we were younger and our parents had been fighting. I would hold him close and reassure him that everything would be alright. I ran my fingers through his hair, hating that I drove him to be this upset. Maybe I pushed too hard. “Jayden, just breathe.” I pressed a kiss to his forehead holding him tighter. 

“I know I’m not telling you anything, but I just need you to believe me.” He murmured, bringing his hand to wipe his face. 

It was hard to just go off nothing, but if it drove him to be this upset, I needed to trust him.“Okay.” I sighed, letting my hand drop from his hair. I still wanted to know why he was this upset, but I trusted my brother. I didn’t think he had a reason to lie to me. “You are my brother and I will put you before _anyone_.” I got up, holding my hands out to pull him up. He closed his eyes, setting his hands in mine. I tugged him up, guiding him into the chair. I spun it, looking at his messy hair. I grabbed a comb to try and fix his masterpiece. “It’s going to be okay,” I mumbled, still curious to know exactly what Alex had done. “I want to know what brought this reaction on. Maybe not now, but soon.” Jay froze, not daring to look me in the eyes as he dug his nails into his fists. I reached over him, placing my hands on top of his. He stared at me, and I could see the build-up of tears that he was holding at bay. He blinked letting a few tears fall and I knew then that I had to cut it off. If it drove him to tears, it was a serious problem. I would do anything for my brother, I promised as much when I held him for the first time. “Block everything from him and I’ll handle the rest.” I wiped his cheeks, pulling my little brother into a hug. “I would like you to see a professional about all of this. I know you don’t like them, but I really think that you need someone,” I whispered, knowing that there was a possibility of him refusing. 

“Okay,” He breathed, holding onto me tighter. I expected him to shut it down, but he didn’t and that worried me. What the hell had occurred between the two? I rubbed the back of his neck, trying to deal with the fact that I had to back away from someone I trusted and I had no idea why Jay was so adamant about it. He pulled away, wiping his face again. 

I smiled at him, brushing my fingers across his cheek. I needed to step up, he needed me and I would not fail him. “It will be okay,” I reassured him, even though I felt like I had been doused in ice water. “You said you were gonna go with Leah, so c’mon. Let’s fix your hair.” I spun his chair around, looking at him through the mirror. He deserved more from me. I slowly started to work through the tangles, keeping my face calm. I could feel his piercing brown eyes, and I knew he was waiting for me to crack and beg him to know why, but for now, I was going to respect his space. “Do you want me to cancel today?” 

“No, it’s okay,” He started fiddling with his long sleeves.

I looked in the mirror, seeing that I had styled his hair similar to what he had. “There,” I set the comb down, hearing a horn honking. I wanted to stay with him, but I knew Leah had him. I dusted away the imaginary dust on his shoulder, sending him a small smile. “Don’t stress, have a good time with Leah, and talk to her about whatever you need too. Everything will work out, alright?” He nodded, standing up brushing his shirt down. “If you need cash, pull whatever you need from my account.” 

Jayden moved quickly as he tossed his skinny arms around my shoulders. He hugged me tight and I swallowed hard at how much my baby brother had grown. He easily towered over me by two inches and I just wanted him to stop growing. “I love you. Thank you for trusting me.”

“Always,” I smiled, feeling his words warm my heart, “I love you too. So much.”

** 11:29 a.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington **

I stared at the photos on my wall, taking the ones of Alex and I down tossing them into an old shoebox. The last time I had seen my brother with tears in his eyes was the day that mom left, and since then I had never seen him cry. Whatever had happened was a big deal to him and I didn’t want him to see reminders of Alex whenever he came into my room. I jumped when my phone started ringing loudly. I grabbed it from my bed seeing Kim’s name pop up. I smiled, thankful for the distraction as I answered it.

“Laryssa, answer the door will you,” She said and I could hear the slight pounding.

I rolled my eyes, I had already texted her that it was open. “If you had read my text you would know it’s already open.” I laughed when I heard the front door open and the phone hung up abruptly. Kim peeked her head through the door a few moments later, her face falling when she looked at me. 

“Laryssa we are leaving in fifteen minutes and you’re not dressed,” She eyed my outfit skeptically. I glanced at her outfit, wishing I looked good in shorts like she did. Kim was beautiful with her long dark hair and kind eyes and I paled in comparison. I thought I looked fine in my dark leggings and white off the shoulder loose knitted sweater. Granted it wasn’t something you wore when it was sunny but I was feeling like crap and I wanted something comfortable.

“I have to change into some jeans,” I offered, hoping that would appease her for right now. Maybe if I wore my ripped jeans, it would be more beach-worthy. 

“It’s sunny and warm,” Kim sighed, tossing herself on my bed. “Why are you wearing a sweater? Not going to get into the water?” 

I stared at her like she had grown a second head. The water was freezing, even if the weather was warm. “No. Are you going in the water?”

“Oh yeah,” Kim said, ruffling through my pictures. She had way more guts than I did. “What are you doing?” I had promised myself that I wasn’t going to bring it up and ruin the day. I wanted to tell her so badly to see what she thought. I was so close to Alex and Jay that I needed someone to see past the emotions. 

I kept my mouth shut, pulling out my ripped jean capris. I changed into the quickly, trying to think of a reason why all of my photos containing Alex were currently being shoved in a box. “Rearranging.”

She sat up, eyeing me like she didn’t believe me. “Something happened?” Kim was a good people reader and right now I wished she didn’t have that gift. I bit my lip, trying to scramble for a reason not to tell her. “Laryssa?”

“I’m reevaluating my friendship with Alex,” I sighed, getting it over with when I couldn’t think of anything. I was a bad liar and I didn’t want to lie to Kim. “Something happened between Alex and Jay, but Jay won’t tell me what. He just asked me to stay away from him,” I sat on the bed, tugging my shoes on. 

“Something bad,” Kim moved so she was sitting right next to me. 

“I think so. But it left a bad feeling in my stomach and it’s bothering Jay. He started crying and he hasn’t done that since mom left for New York two years ago,” I rushed out, the words leaving a bad taste in my mouth. “I trust my little brother and he wouldn’t lie to me.”

“What two years ago,” Kim shot to her feet, causing the box of photos to fall off my bed. She glanced at it wincing, “I know your upset about your brother, and believe me I want to know what’s going on but two years is a long time for your mom to be away.” 

I smiled at her, it was part of what I felt. Two years was a long time, but we were used to it.“I know Kim,” I sighed, bending down to pick up the photos. “I think it’s better if I hold the relationship at a distance.” 

Kim stared at me nodding, placing her hands on her hips. “How are you feeling?”

“I just…” I looked at my hands. I was furious, hurt, confused, and frustrated. I wanted to take him and knee him where the sun didn’t shine for making my little brother like this. But most of all I wanted to know what the hell happened. What caused this horrible riff? “Kim, I’m so freaking lost right now.” I wanted to cry, to yell and scream until I couldn’t anymore. But I couldn’t, I needed to be strong and prove to my brother that I would handle it and he didn’t need to protect me. 

Kim plopped next to me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. “I’ll help you through the maze.”

I let out a breathy laugh, knowing I didn’t deserve her friendship but I was extremely lucky to have her by my side. “I’m so grateful that I fell on the track that day.” I thought back to the day I fell and how embarrassed I was because the other girls had laughed at me instead of helping me up. Kim pushed through the other girls and offered her hand to me, pulling me up so I walked beside her and away from the giggles. From that day our friendship had started.

Kim laughed, poking my cheek. “Me too. Those girls were mean.”

I nodded in agreement, “Please don’t mention this to anyone.” The last thing I wanted to be was for this to blow up and ruin my new friendships. 

“I won’t,” Kim promised, hooking her pinky through mine. I got up, pulling her up with me. I pulled her into a quick hug. She hugged me back, “Let’s go have fun for a while.”

** 12:05 p.m. First Beach, La Push, Washington **

I walked beside Kim, looking up at the sun. It was nice to feel the warmth on my skin, instead of the bitter chill. I almost wished that I wore a shirt instead of a sweater. I grinned when I heard the yells from the guys playing soccer. I glanced over at the guys, excited to hear them laughing loudly. I faltered when I noticed Paul was shirtless. The sun’s rays highlighted his tan skin making it look smooth and golden. I swallowed hard when I realized that I had been intimately pressed against him yesterday and how he made my skin tingle pleasantly. I winced when Paul shoved Embry to the sand. 

“Em’s gonna have a bruise,” I winced again when he shot up shoving Paul playfully. Paul shoved him back and before I knew it they were wrestling in the sand. I couldn’t help but smirk when Paul was winning.

Kim laughed, running to jump on Jared’s back. I slowly trailed after, stopping beside Jacob. I sent him a small smile, hoping that he was okay that I was here. He narrowed his eyes, turning to stare back at his friends. “Why are you wearing a sweater? It’s hot.”

I pulled on sleeves, feeling the cool breeze on my skin. “It’s comfortable,” I said, relieved that he was at least speaking to me. “You were playing soccer, of course, it’s gonna be hot,” Jake smirked, rubbing the sweat from his head wiping it on my sweater. “Gross,” I shoved him, frowning when he didn’t move an inch. “God, you weigh a ton! What is Billy feeding you?” There was no way he was getting this big off of TV dinners and the small meals Bill knew how to make. 

“Laryssa,” I glanced away from Jake, seeing Paul jogging towards me. I tried hard to keep my eyes on his face, and not let them wander down his body. He was attractive, but I wasn’t going to look at him like he was a piece of meat, even though I wanted to. I felt my face heat up when Jake bumped my shoulder with a laugh as he joined the others. I slid my sleeves up trying to get some kind of cool air and I knew I had made a grave mistake wearing a sweater. I was going to die of heatstroke. “You made it,” He grinned, wiping his face. I watched his muscles flex and I almost melted into a puddle of goo. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and I had made the mistake of following his hand. I stared at his impressive six-pack for a few seconds before I looked away quickly hoping he didn’t see me openly gawking at him. I shoved my hands in my back pockets so I didn’t dig my nails into my palm, “Look.” He held out his phone showing me a picture of my painting on a wall. It was hanging at the center of the wall.

Warmth flushed throughout my body and I found myself grinning at the fact that he hung it up proudly. When I sent my art out, I never knew what happened to it after my buyers got it and it was nice to see it displayed proudly. “It looks great.” 

“Yeah, it does,” Paul put his phone away, beckoning me to follow him over to the group. I walked beside him, his arm brushing against mine. “I’m glad you came,” He murmured, looking out at the water. I stopped, sliding my shoes off so I could feel the warm sand against my feet. I eyed the two surfboards that were standing proud in the sand. 

“Thanks for the invite,” I grinned, hoping that I would get a chance to see him surf. I wanted to see if I had done him justice by capturing him right. “So are you gonna surf today?” 

He smirked pushing his hair back and I fought the urge to stop and stare at him. He was so freaking attractive, it should’ve been illegal to look as good as he did. “I’m not sure, I want to spend time with you.” My eyes snapped to his to see if he was joking. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” He backtracked, his hand moving to rub the back of his neck.

“No, it’s just-” 

“Laryssa!” Kim yelled, waving for me to go to her. 

I held up my hand silently telling her to hold on, not wanting there to be a misunderstanding between Paul and me. “I was curious about w..why?”

“Why I want to spend time with you,” Paul asked, turning so that his back was facing the group staring at the two of us. When he blocked them I felt better that I couldn’t see their faces and I was able to focus on him and not on everyone else. I nodded, hoping that I didn’t offend him. “Why wouldn’t I?” I could think of a plethora of reasons why not. I shrugged, holding my shoes closer to my chest. “I want to get to know you, Laryssa. Outside of our project. Is it so wrong to want to spend time getting to know a friend?”

I swallowed hard, feeling like I had swallowed a mouthful of sand. _Friend._ Of course, I had foolishly dreamed that I would be something more than a friend to him. Why did I allow myself to hold him, to touch him when I couldn’t do it again. 

“I’m new to making friends,” I offered, sending him a smile. It was a stupid crush, and I would get over it. I had to if I wanted to be friends with him. “I should go see what Kim wants.” He frowned, nodding when I brushed past him scurrying to Kim. She patted the sand next to her, smiling at Jared when he kissed her cheek lovingly. “Hi Jared,” I greeted, trying not to let my hurt show. It was my own stupid fault for having the crush. God, I was an idiot.

“Laryssa, remember it’s a stress-free weekend,” Jared pointed at me before he gestured to the beach. “Relax!”

I laughed at him, nodding as I sat down. “Will do,” I tried to push away my stress and enjoy the moment. I closed my eyes feeling the cool breeze on my heated skin. I would’ve been cold if I had just worn a shirt. I listened to the guys returning to their game and Kim and Jared giggling to each other. I cracked open an eye when I felt a warm arm brush against mine and the sand next to me shift under a new weight. Paul sent me a small smile before he stared at the water. I pulled my knees to my chest, trying not to think of the tingles I was feeling from his arm. 

“Laryssa!” I glanced at Embry holding up a frisbee. I furrowed my eyebrows at him wondering how in the world he thought I had good hand-eye coordination. I shook my head at him, knowing if I joined I was going to get hit in the face. “C’mon!”

I rolled my eyes before standing up. Paul glanced up at me, it looked like he didn’t want me to leave. I sent him a tense smile, as much as I wanted to sit with him, I wanted to try new things. I dusted the sand from my pants, trudging over to Embry. I held up my hand, quickly tying my hair up. “I have bad hand-eye coordination,” I told him so he didn’t make outrageous throws and help me make more of a fool of myself. 

“I’ll go easy on you,” He grinned, tossing it gently so I could catch it. I felt giddy when I caught it easily, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

“How nice of you,” I smiled, gently tossing it back. “Did I miss anything important yesterday,” I asked, watching him dive to catch it. “Dramatic.”

Embry snickered, tossing it gently. “A worksheet. We have a test next week.” I caught it again, tossing it so that he didn’t have to dive. “I’ll give you the study guide.” He jumped up, missing the frisbee by mere inches as it soared over his head. I laughed, covering my mouth when he narrowed his eyes at me. “It’s on!” He cackled, like a mad man.

“Wait no,” I tried to smother my laughs, wishing I had a white flag to surrender. He tossed it and it went soaring over my head, hitting Paul in the back of the head. I bit my lip, hearing Embry’s laughter quiet down. I bit my lip trying to stop the grin that was threatening to spread across my face. I ran towards the frisbee, stopping when Paul turned to glare at the two of us. He grabbed the frisbee, flinging it at Embry. I winced hearing the plastic connect with Embry’s skin. How did he have a good aim?

Paul laughed, moving to stand. “Think that’s funny Laryssa?” I shook my head, covering my mouth to smother my smile. He stalked towards me and I turned running letting my smile grow. I looked over my shoulder, squealing when I realized he was gaining on me. I pushed my legs harder, knowing there was no way I was faster than him and I had to be strategic. Just as I was about to turn and dodge him, warm arms picked me up twirling me around. I laughed, grabbing onto his shoulders as he spun us in circles. “Do you give?” I nodded furiously, trying to smother my laughter. 

He set me down, laughing with me. “I didn’t think it was going to hit you,” I admitted, staring up at him with a grin. I stepped away when I realized how close I was to him. “I-” I froze when his arms reached out wrapping around me, keeping me so that I was close to him. Friends didn’t hold each other like this. 

“I was asking you out that day in the gym,” Paul murmured quickly, staring at me. I blinked rapidly, trying to wrap my head around his quick confession. “I don’t want to pressure you into dating me or being uncomfortable around me. That’s not why I’m telling you.”

“Why are you telling me,” I asked, wincing at my voice sounding small. He clenched his jaw, his arms tightening around me. “I don’t understand.”

I couldn’t break my eyes from his. I felt like I was in a trance and I didn’t want to break away. His eyes were so expressive and I wanted the chance to capture them so I could stare at them forever. “I wanted you to know where I stood and I feel like you deserve to know. But I understand, if you want to just be friends. I’d rather be your friend than nothing at all.”

I let out a breath, my head was spinning at his words and the feel of his body pressed tightly against mine. I could feel every muscle on his stomach as it pressed against mine. His arm twitched every now and then and I felt faint from his touches. I had wanted it to be a date after what happened yesterday, but I knew he could do so much better than me. He deserves someone who was confident in who they were, who didn’t have insecurities. Someone who was on his level and I was far _far_ below. “I’m not worth it,” I breathed, hoping that my words would wake up the part of him that knew I wasn’t worth it and he would come to his senses. As much as I wanted his body closer to mine, I couldn’t think straight. My mind was telling me to push him back so I could try and think clearly, but my body didn’t want to obey the commands. 

Paul’s eyes widened, and I could see the shock flash across his eyes. He shook his head, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I closed my eyes relishing in the feel of his rough fingertips against my cool skin. “Don’t say that… You are worth it,” He breathed, pressing his forehead against mine. My eyes shot open as I stared closely into his. I could feel my heart pounding wildly at his words. My selfish thoughts started to take hold and I didn’t want to fight them, but I knew that I should. “When you called me an ass,” He laughed, his fingers lightly stroking my back, sending tingles along my spine, “I wanted to know you. No one dared to call me an ass, even if I messed something up. And there you were, holding your ground against me with your head held high. Glaring at me with your beautiful brown eyes.” I looked away from him, hating that my cheeks started to warm up. I needed to pull away, but I couldn’t find it in my heart to do so. It was scary when I realized how alive he made me feel. I craved his touch after yesterday, and I didn’t understand why it felt so nice to be held so intimately. “When I’m with you I feel like I’m at peace.” I felt it too. When I was with him, it felt easier than what I was used to. Everything seemed bearable. Since he had seen so many of my mishaps, I was comfortable with him seeing me in such a vulnerable state.“If anything, I don’t think I’m good enough for you.”

My eyes snapped back to his and my hands moved on their own accord gripping his arms tightly. “Why?” He was the opposite of what everyone had assumed. Everyone saw him as an angry ass, but he hadn’t been like that with me. He was patient and kind. “Is it because of the gossip at school?”

“I have a history of being a sleazeball and being an ass,” He sighed, pulling his forehead away from mine and my body mourned the loss. I stared at him, seeing how willing he was to be vulnerable to me. His fingers were still trailing along my back and my body was going into overdrive with all of the sensations flowing through me. “Why do you think you aren’t worth it?”

“You helped me through a panic attack after knowing me for a day or two at the most, I think that automatically disqualifies you from being an ass in my book,” I offered, sending him a small smile. “You haven’t been a sleazeball to me,” I murmured quietly, letting my fingers trace circles onto his arms. My eyes closed when he rested his head against mine.

“I’m relieved to know that I’m not considered an ass or a sleazeball to you,” I could hear the grin in his voice. I opened my eyes when I felt his hand on my cheek. “Can you tell me why?” I knew he wanted me to be vulnerable with him and I was terrified. Being vulnerable was scary. It was giving a part of yourself to someone, hoping that they wouldn’t use it against you.

I had told myself multiple times that I wanted to take a chance, but saying it and doing it were two totally different things. I stared at him, searching to see if I was making the right choice and my gut was telling me that I was. “I’m an insecure broken mess, Paul,” I whispered the dreadful words out loud. “You don’t deserve that.” His finger wiped away a tear that I didn’t know had fallen, holding my cheek so softly as if I would break and I wanted nothing more than to press my cheek further into his hand.

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that,” Paul smiled, stroking my cheek. I stared at him, wondering why he wasn’t running for the hills like any normal guy. “I don’t want to push you into anything you don’t want, but I want to date you.”

I felt him lightly touch my skin as if he were afraid that if he put more pressure he would scare me. I took his hand, ignoring his look of surprise when I held his hand. For the first time in a long time, I knew what I wanted to do and my choice scared me, “and if I take a chance?”

His brown eyes met mine and I could see how nervous he actually was. I could feel my heartbeat rapidly in my chest as I waited for his response. “You won’t regret it,” Paul murmured earnestly, leaning closer to me so his nose brushed against mine. I sent him a small smile when his arm tightened around me. 

“I want to try.” I had never been in a situation where someone wanted to date me and I wasn’t sure what to expect. “I haven’t been on any dates,” I said, feeling embarrassed at my lack of experience.

“It’s nothing to be nervous about,” Paul reassured quickly, tucking my hair behind my ear. “You set the pace and I’ll follow you.” 

** 7:35 p.m. Chiago Driveway, La Push, Washington **

I glanced up at the sky seeing the sun slowly starting to disappear behind the clouds. It had been nice while it lasted. The lack of sun didn’t deter my happiness. I still wasn’t sure if the events today actually happened. “You’re quiet.”

I looked over at Paul, staring at me as he put his truck in park. He looked worried, “Just thinking about when we will see the sun again.” 

“Hopefully soon,” He grinned, the worry starting to ease off his face. “Maybe then you’ll come to join me to surf.”

I laughed, knowing there was no way that surfing and I would get along. “I’ll spend most of my time attacking the water.” He laughed, turning in his seat to face me. I looked at him, smirking when I realized he had sand on his face. I leaned towards him, freezing when I heard his intake of breath. “You have sand on your cheek,” I murmured, trying my hardest not to back away. I had touched him on the cheek before and I told myself that it was going to be okay. I reached towards him, brushing his cheek gently trying to get rid of the sand. 

He caught my hand, placing my hand in his. “Are you sure you’re okay with today?” He sounded unsure and it didn’t seem like him. I found it endearing that he wanted me to be at ease with him. He had cared enough to make sure I was comfortable. 

I bit my lip, loving the way his hand felt. My body was still in overdrive because of all the different sensations. “I’m nervous. But I still want to try.” I swallowed hard when I realized maybe he wanted an out. “Are you?” I felt like my heart was going to pop out of my chest. If he wanted an out, then that would’ve been the best few hours of my life and I would have to get over it.

“I’m more than okay with today.” He smiled, looking down at our hands. “I just wanted to ask. The last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable.” I still managed to flush at how thoughtful he was being. “You’ll tell me if you get uncomfortable?”

I squeezed his hand, “Yeah.” I glanced at my house, seeing the curtain move. I smiled, knowing Jay was watching. “I should head in,” I murmured, slowly letting go of his hand. I paused, letting out a small sigh. “If you start having doubts. You’ll tell me, right?” I didn’t want to ask him, but I would’ve been a fool not too. I couldn’t meet his gaze, because I was afraid of what I would see. 

A warm hand cupped my chin, gently tugging my head so I was staring into deep brown eyes. “I don’t see that happening, but I will.” I could see the honesty shining through his eyes. I closed my eyes when I felt his thumb brush against my chin. “Your brother is peeking at us through the window.” I opened my eyes looking up to the window seeing Jay, staring at us intently. Ever the protector. Normally, I would’ve felt embarrassed and frustrated but I knew he was being overprotective. “I’ll let you go,” Paul brushed his thumb against my chin one last time before his hand dropped. 

I sent him a small smile, getting out of his truck. “Drive safe.” He grinned, nodding to me. I shut the door, jogging to the porch, watching him back up. Jay opened the door, watching me as I entered. “How did it go with Leah?”

He closed the door, crossing his arms as he stared at me. “She’s in the kitchen.” I nodded setting my things by the door. “Things go well at the beach?”

“Yeah,” I smiled, taking my shoes off. “It was nice.” I listened to him sigh before he trudged to his room. I watched him go before I headed to the kitchen. Leah had her books spread out across the table, and she sent me a grime smile when she saw me. “Studying for an exam?”

Leah nodded, closing her textbook eyeing the empty seat across from her. I let out a small sigh, moving to sit down. “Jay told me about this Alex kid.” I stared at the table, letting my emotions from earlier rush to the surface. “I’m not going to tell you. He wanted to be the one too, but from what Jay had to say. It’s better if you just let him go.” I shoved down the frustration and the hurt that Leah knew before me. I had told Jay that I was okay that he was talking to Leah and I wasn’t about to go back on my word. “He just doesn’t know how to tell you. But he will soon.”

“Is he okay,” I asked, hoping that she would tell me that at least.

Leah stood, moving so she sat in the chair next to me. Her arms wrapped around my shoulder, tugging me so that I rested against her. “No, but he will be. He mentioned that you were going to get him into a professional?” I nodded against her, feeling tears well up in my eyes. “Good. It will help him.” I glanced up at her, turning my face so that she didn’t see me cry. What happened that was so bad that Jay wasn’t doing good and I had to cut off my longest friendship? I wanted my dad, more than anything. He would know what to do to make everything better. Her hand rested in my hair, “It’s gonna be alright.”

I wanted to believe her, but now I wasn’t so sure. “Will you help me with Alex,” I asked, unsure how to break away from him. 

“Jay told me that you guys weren’t speaking right now,” Leah said, running her fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes listening to her calm heartbeat. I understood why Jay went to her, she was calming and steady. 

“We aren’t,” I confirmed, thinking about all the ways this could play out. “But what if he wants to talk and then what. Do I just tell him, I can’t do it anymore?” It was difficult for me to go off hearsay. I was conflicted, I loved my brother and I trusted him and if Leah believed him then I shouldn’t be second-guessing this. 

“I think you’ll know what to do when the time comes,” She murmured, sighing heavily. “How was the beach?” 

I knew she was trying to change the subject and I didn’t have the heart to try and continue. I was going to have to figure this out myself. I would take the comfort she offered. “It was really nice.” Now that I was able to think about it clearly, it still brought a smile to my face. Even with everything going on with Alex and Jay, it felt nice to have something happy to think about.

“What’s that smile for,” Leah pulled back, letting my hair fall from her fingers. I peered up at her before I sat up. 

I didn’t know exactly how to tell her that I agreed to date, Paul. I wished that I had spoken about it to him more, as in what dating meant. “I have someone who's interested in me and it’s not someone I would’ve expected.” 

“Paul,” Leah asked, standing up abruptly shooting me a disapproving look. I faltered, wondering why she was suddenly so pissed off. “Laryssa what did I tell you yesterday?” I almost rolled my eyes but caught myself. “Don’t make the same mistake I did,” She whispered brokenly. I had been there when the fall out happened between her and Sam. I had seen her scream at the top of her lungs before she broke down crying. “Be smart.”

“Leah.” I watched her start packing up her books. “Leah.” She set her books down angrily, staring at me with her face blank. “I don’t feel like I’m making a mistake. It’s just going out on dates and getting to know each other.”

“It never feels like a mistake at first…” She trailed off, hauling her books into her arms. “Then dating turns into more.” I followed her to the door, pausing when she stopped. “It’s always nice at first. To feel wanted and cherished. Reality will always strike Laryssa. I hope you're prepared for it.” She yanked the door open, letting it close behind her.

Was I so weak that everyone decided that they knew what was best for me? I curled my hands into fists, wanting to strike something. I closed my eyes trying to pull in the frustration, this was my life and I was the only one that was going to live it. “Sister?”

“Yeah,” My voice came out steady as I released my fists. 

I turned to face my little brother, hovering by the kitchen. His huge sweatshirt dwarfing his frame made him look younger than he was. “Are you upset because I told Leah?”

“No,” I answered honestly. He deserved an older sister to share concerns with and I knew I wasn’t that person for him. It was my own fault that he didn’t trust me and I was going to change it. “I want the best for you. I’m glad you have someone to trust and confide in,” His eyes softened before he launched himself at me. I stumbled against the door, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. I held him against me tightly, wishing that I could take all of the negative emotions away and leave him happy. “Did you eat?”

“I’m not hungry,” He mumbled, pushing his face into my shoulder. I nodded, patting his back, not daring to let go until he did. “I heard you and Leah.” I let out a small sigh when he finally let go. Part of me didn’t want to release him. “Will you tell me about the beach?”

I eyed him wondering why he was having a change of heart. “C’mon, I’m hungry. We can talk as I made something.” Jay nodded, shuffling towards the kitchen. I followed after him, smirking when he pulled himself up on the counter. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything,” He replied, swinging his legs back and forth. I nodded, pulling the jelly out of the fridge. “I want one too.” I laughed, knowing PB & J was his absolute favorite and he couldn’t resist. “White bread though.”

I pulled down the peanut butter and white bread, trying to figure where he wanted me to start. “Kim picked me up and she drove me to the beach. We met up with the others,” He handed me a butterknife, pulling out paper plates, “I had given Paul a painting yesterday and he showed me that he had hung it up.” I couldn’t help the small smile that crossed my face. 

“What painting,” Jay asked, starting to open up the peanut butter. “He was here yesterday?”

I nodded, pulling out my phone to show him the painting I had been working on. “Yeah, he was here for a while. I was inspired by his hobby.” Jay grabbed my phone zooming in on the picture I had taken. 

“It’s a nice one,” Jay locked my phone, setting it on the counter, grabbing one of the sandwiches. “He hung it up?” I took a bite, wrinkling my nose at the sandwich. I wasn’t a fan of grape jelly. “Nice way to get me to eat.”

“I heard your stomach growling and I knew you couldn’t resist,” I laughed, leaning against the counter slowly chewing past the disgust. “Yeah, he had it hanging on a wall. It was the center.”

“Really,” He asked, taking the other half of my sandwich. He pulled out another two pieces of bread, spreading peanut butter on it. “What else happened?”

“I played frisbee with Embry and we accidentally hit Paul in the back of the head,” I bit into the peanut butter sandwich trying to smother my smile. 

“Did he get angry,” Jay asked, tensing up, setting his sandwich down. 

“No, he started laughing,” I said, remembering how he chased me. I could feel his arms around me, twirling me around. Jay relaxed, picking up his sandwich. “I agreed to date him,” I watched him freeze at my words. He tore his sandwich up, taking smaller bites. “It’s just hanging out and getting to know each other.”

“Are you happy,” He asked, setting his plate to the side, staring at me. 

“Yeah, I am.” I took another bite, tapping my fingers against the counter. He rubbed the back of his neck, refusing to meet my gaze. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“Can I meet him,” Jay started swinging his legs back and forth. “I think I should. Since he can’t ask Pop for permission. I’m the next best thing.”

“What,” I coughed, setting what was left of my sandwich. Jay smirked at me, picking his food back up. “Permission?”

Jay rolled his eyes, shoving the rest of his sandwich in his mouth. I grimaced at his mouth full of food. “Pop always said when you were going on a date, the person who was going to take you out had to ask his permission to be with his Pretty Girl.” I faltered, trying to recall when dad had said that. “I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them.”

I rolled my eyes at him, pushing his head playfully. “You’re such an old man.” He laughed, finishing off the rest of this food. “Can I ask how it went with Leah? Or am I being too pushy?” I wanted to know why he had a sudden change of heart. 

“We ate and talked. It was nice,” He smiled, grabbing my plate and tossing it in the trash. “She really helped me out and she told me that she thought it was a good idea that I was gonna see someone.” I nodded, feeling my phone buzz in my pocket. “I’m going to tell you soon, it’s just hard.” Jay murmured after a few moments. “I know that he’s your best friend, but he’s not who you think he is.” I frowned, pouring a glass of water. “Thank you for trusting me.”

I set my glass down, pulling myself up on the counter. “I’m not going to lie, Jay, it’s hard going off of nothing and I wasn’t sure what to do at first, to be honest.” I faltered rubbing the rim of the glass, unsure if he wanted to know what I was thinking. “But, when I saw you cry Jay I knew that whatever Alex and I had doesn’t compare to you and I. Whatever the issue is it’s something that deeply bothers you and that’s not okay with me. I love you more than anything.”

“I love you, Rys.” Jay rubbed his face, running his fingers through his hair, messing it up so that it was standing up wildly. “I’m tired. I’ve had a long day, so I’m going to go to bed.” I jumped down, walking towards him, wrapping him into a hug. I licked his cheek, laughing when he shoved me off with a disgusted look on his face. “Nasty!”

“Night,” I called when he disappeared out of the kitchen. I pulled myself back on the counter, feeling relieved with my talk with him. I grabbed my phone out of my back pocket, smiling when Paul’s name flashed on my screen. 

**Paul: I got home safe. And I still don’t have doubts.**

**Paul: Was your brother upset?**

I bit my lower lip, feeling giddy at the simple text messages. I locked my phone, tapping my nails against the screen before I downed the rest of my water. I pressed the glass against my cheek trying not to fidget. I chuckled to myself unlocking my phone trying to figure out what I wanted to say.

**Laryssa: No… Just a bit protective, he wants to meet you.. If you don’t mind.**

I jumped down from the counter, washing my glass and the butter knife quickly before I began to lock up for the night. I rounded the house, fixing the pillows on the couch, making sure the screen door was locked. I turned the lights off, humming to myself as I glanced down at Jay’s door seeing the light off. I stopped at his door, closing my eyes waving my hands over his door. “Bad dreams, go away. Good dreams, here to stay.” I whispered the mantra three more times before I touched his door drawing a heart on the white door. “Sweet dreams.” 

I slowly backed away from his door, walking towards my room. I opened the door, groaning quietly when I saw the mess of pictures beside my bed. I felt my phone buzz, and I had to stop myself from pulling it out right away to look at the message. _Patience._ I bent down, starting to gather the pictures, shoving them in the box. I picked up one of the photos, grinning when I saw Paul in the background. The only thing different about him was his lack of toned muscles. He was still wildly attractive, and his smile was still the same. I sat on my bed, trailing my fingers over his face. He was grinning wildly with his arms tossed around a girl who had light brown hair. From the way the photo was taken, I couldn’t quite see her face. I held the photo closer to my face, trying to figure out who she was. I shook my head, setting the photo on top of the others. I pulled out my phone, unlocking it quickly so I could see what he sent. 

**Paul: He’s a good brother if he’s protective. I don’t mind at all. Anything for you.**

**Paul: I want to meet him.**

I felt a blush rise to my cheeks, as I reread the message. _Anything for me?_ I let out a breath, gnawing on my bottom lip again. He wasn’t even in front of me and I was still blushing. I set my phone down, moving to my dresser to pull on a tank top and night shorts. I wasn’t going to get overheated, in my sweater. I dressed quickly, tying my hair up into a messy bun. 

**Laryssa: I’ll let him know that you’re up for it. He can be a bit much though… fair warning.**

**Paul: Nervous?**

**Laryssa: More like mentally preparing for the embarrassment.**

I yawned, stretching my arms up. I picked up my phone when it started buzzing rapidly. I tilted my head when I saw Paul’s name flash across my screen. I held down the green button, placing my phone to my ear. “Hello?”

“Hey,” his voice was deep over the phone. I set it on speakerphone, sitting at my vanity starting to do my night routine. “Why would you be mentally preparing for embarrassment?”

I snorted, slapping my hand over my mouth. “I know my little brother and he is the king of trying to embarrass me,” I explained, holding in a yawn. 

“Yeah,’ Paul murmured, and I could hear shuffling on his end. “Should I be nervous?”

I pursed my lips, pretending to mull it over. “I’m tempted to say yes to see you nervous, but I think I’ll let you off the hook this once clumsy.”

He barked out a laugh, causing a smile to overtake my face. “One time Laryssa… I’m nervous all the time around you.” I imagined him rubbing the back of his neck. 

“That one time brings me joy,” I laughed, forgetting my night routine going to lay on my bed. I stared up at my ceiling focusing on the constellations, “You don’t have to be nervous around me.” He breathed out a chuckle and shivers when up my spin. “What are you doing?”

“Laying down, staring up at the painting you made. Did you enjoy watching me surf,” Paul asked. I set my phone on my pillow next to my ear. 

“Yeah,” I murmured, happy that I had managed to do him justice. “You were pretty great, it seemed as if you belonged on the waves.” He did look great on the water, it was as if he’d been in his element. “You really like my painting don’t you?” It was flattering that he admired it. 

“It’s the first real gift I’ve gotten,” Paul whispered, causing a shiver to roll through my body. “I like it because it’s how I think you see me.” I stared at my phone, wishing that I could see his face and look him in his endearing brown eyes and tell him that it’s how I see him. I didn’t understand what he meant by a real gift. “You don’t see me as an angry ass or as a manwhore. I’m just a guy on the waves finally at peace.”

I grinned sitting up, feeling my heart swell at his words. “I was nervous to show you…” I trailed off, pulling my hair out letting it fall onto my shoulders. “But you have no idea how relieved I am that you like it so much.” Drawing someone without their permission felt like I had intruded into their lives without their say so. It was intimate for me, and I didn’t want to take away their right. “What I painted was how I was starting to see you. Today just solidified it.”

“Me attacking the water a few times did the trick right,” Paul asked teasingly, I could hear the smile in his voice. “One day, will you let me teach you? Or at least just wade in the water with me?”

I giggled, thinking about the few times he had fallen into the water. “It’s been a while since I swam,” I was scared of accidentally drowning in the water, “but, I wouldn’t mind wading.” I tapped my fingers on my thigh, “I’ll let you teach me.”

I heard the sound of something being slapped against skin. I laughed quietly when I heard his quiet curses. “Shit, sorry. I dropped my phone. I’m a good teacher, promise.”

“I guess I’ll just have to see,” I smirked, letting out a yawn. 

“Tired,” He questioned, as I laid on my side settling my phone back on the pillow. 

“A little bit,” I fought off another yawn, not wanting to get off the phone with him. “You?”

“Somewhat,” He answered. “I’ll let you go.”

“Alright,” I tried to keep the disappointment from my tone. I was tired, I just didn’t want to be by myself. “Sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams Laryssa,” Paul said quietly. Just as I hovered over the end button, I heard his voice.“Laryssa?” 

“Yeah,” I asked, staring at the phone. My fingers trailed circles on the back of my phone case.

“I still don’t have doubts.” I pulled my phone closer to my chest, feeling my stomach start to swirl pleasantly. 

“Me either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Edited on May 14, 2020.


	10. Let Me Take Care Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe. Thank you to those who have favored, followed, and reviewed you are my inspiration and I appreciate each and every one of you! I hope you guys liked Chapter 8. I'm excited for you to read Chapter 9, I wrote this chapter quickly because of all the lovely reviews and favorites I got from you guys! They made my heart sore! But, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> I have posted Scarred Angel on Fanfiction, and Archive of our own as well. Enjoy!
> 
> Always and Forever,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, misuse of a bet, stress, emotional abuse, suicide, negative thoughts, and implying abusive sexual innuendos. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 9: Let Me Take Care Of You

**“When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew.”**

**― Arrigo Boito**

**9:49 a.m. Inside Chiago House, La Push, Washington**

“You are sick, go back to bed,” I grumbled, trying to get a hold of his controller. He pulled it away, glaring at me. “Jayden, don’t make me get upset.” I put my hands on my hips, tapping my foot impatiently.

“Don’t make me-” He croaked, wagging his finger at me before he doubled over coughing. I grabbed his controller, taking advantage of his coughing fit. “Lary-”

I set it near the door, turning back to him helping him get settled back into bed. I tugged his blanket up to his chin, sitting on the edge of the bed. I pressed my hand against his forehead, frowning when I felt how warm he was. “Let me get you some medicine. Your body needs rest.” I got up, grabbing his controller on the way out. I went to my room, hiding his controller under my pillow. I opened my cabinet, searching for the cold medicine. I smiled in triumph when I found it, ignoring the fact that I was going to have to fight him to take it. I stopped at the restroom, getting a damp rag. I opened his door, noticing his eyes fighting to stay open. “Here,” I measured out the medicine, hoping he had matured since the last time I gave it to him. He sat up, taking it willingly, grimacing when he finished. I helped him lay back a small grin on my face since I didn't have to fight him. I set the rag on his forehead, stroking his cheek lightly. “Get some sleep, I’m going to go to the store.” Jay nodded, closing his eyes allowing his body to relax into the bed.

I closed his door behind me, heading to my room to get dressed. I grabbed my phone, sending a quick text to my mom to let her know to call the school and let them know Jay was sick. I yawned into my hand, digging through my mountain of clothes pulling out jeans and a long sleeve. I yanked on my boots, grimacing at the downpour. I picked up my phone when it started to ring. Without looking to see who was calling, I answered it pushing it to my ear. “Hello?”

“Get to school. We need to talk,” Alex didn’t bother with the greetings.

I rolled my eyes at his demand. After almost two weeks of not speaking to me, he was going to try and order me around. It wasn’t going to work like that. “No, I’m not there for a reason.”

“Laryssa-”

“Alex, I don’t want to speak to you. Leave me alone,” I hung up, tossing my phone to the side. I let out a breath that I had been holding. My legs started to feel like jello, I sat down glancing at my phone vibrating. I ignored the call, quickly blocking his number. I frowned, wanting Jay to just tell me what the issue was. It wasn’t fair for Alex to just be left without an explanation. I closed my eyes, taking a moment to gather myself. “Get up.”

I took a deep breath, standing up gathering my bag, umbrella, and keys. I walked past Jay’s room, peeking in to see if he had managed to nod off. I smiled to myself when I saw him asleep. I closed the door quietly, clutching the umbrella tighter. I could hear the rain pelting against the roof. I sighed, pulling the front door open, grimacing when I saw the puddles of water right next to the driver’s door. I had just cleaned my car. Grumbling at my luck, I opened the umbrella trying to figure out how to get into my car without tracking in mud. I hummed to myself, opening the driver side door tossing my things in, stretching my leg out before I used the steering wheel to pull myself in. I smirked to myself, proud that I didn’t get mud in my car.

**10:39 a.m. Grocery Store, Forks, Washington**

I stared at the different vegetables, trying to remember what my dad made when we were sick. I could taste the soup, but I had never seen him make it. I skimmed the vegetables trying to rack my brain of what it looked and smelled like. My hands hovered over the veggies, picking up a squash, some carrots, a cabbage, and corn. I hummed to myself, setting a bag of potatoes in the cart. I pushed the cart picking up a few things here and there before I reached the meat department. I skimmed the meats, looking for the short ribs. Clicking my tongue a few times, I grinned in relief when I finally found it. A hand waved in my line of sight catching my eye. I glanced up, grinning when I saw John Gray waving at me excitedly. I yanked out my earphones, staring at my mom’s old ‘apprentice’, “Hi my Lil artist.”

I rolled my eyes at his nickname, reaching to give him a hug. “When did you get back?” I asked, wrapping my earphones around my phone. I hadn’t seen him since he graduated two years ago, his dark hair had grown past his shoulders, his skin was darker with no acne insight, and he had lost all of his baby fat. “You look great. Arizona agrees with you.”

“Three days ago, I’m on spring break and I decided to come home to visit my family. I was planning to stop by tomorrow, to see you guys. But uhm, it’s hot, but it beats the rain. Aren’t you a senior or did you graduate early,” He asked, moving his cart so that it wasn’t blocking the walkway.

“No, I didn’t graduate early, I will in a few months though. Uhm, Jay’s not feeling well so I stayed home to make sure he would be okay. I decided to make some of the soup my dad used to make,” I gestured to the stuff in my cart. “It’s nice that you decided to come back for spring break. I was wondering why it decided to pour. Now, I know it’s just welcoming you home.”

John rolled his eyes, smirking at me. “Still the poetic one,” he shoved his hands in his pockets, “that little rugrat. Man, I miss him, he kicks ass on our online group.” I smiled, Jay had looked up to John. It had always been John this and John that. “How’s Alex?” I faltered, a small frown had worked its way onto my face before I could stop it. “Not good?” I shook my head. “Let’s grab a cup of coffee, you look like you need to talk to someone and who better than your favorite person in the whole wide world.”

I snorted at him, sending him a small nod. “Make it a hot chocolate, not coffee.”

John laughed, grabbing his cart heading towards the front. “God, how do you not like coffee? Is that little coffee shop still open?”

**11:09 a.m. Coffee House, Forks, Washington**

I watched the rainfall, tapping my fingers against the table. I glanced over at John flirting with the girl behind the counter. My mom would be happy to know that her protégé returned home and that he was still the biggest flirt. I cringed at the times she used to beg him to talk about his dates for her book. John sent the girl one last smile as he grabbed the mugs. He winked at me, setting my hot chocolate down in front of me. “Still got it.”

I rolled my eyes at him, warming my hands on the cup. “I don’t know why girls used to fawn over you. Clearly they’ve never smelt your morning breath,” I teased, remembering the time he had fallen asleep at the kitchen table writing. I had been tasked to wake him up and he breathed in my face and I almost died.

“Just you wait until the guy you like sees how much you drool,” He snarked, taking a sip of his coffee. “There is something about the coffee here that Arizona can’t compete with.” He set his cup down, leaning back in his chair. “Lay it on me.”

I didn’t drool a lot. I bit my lip, bringing the hot chocolate up to my lips, letting my mind swirl rapidly. “I don’t even know where to start,” I sighed, wiping the top of my lip feeling the whipped cream.

He leaned forward setting his elbows on the table, a small frown had made its way onto his face. “Laryssa, start from the beginning.”

I nodded, gripping the cup tighter. “A few months ago, Jay suddenly started hating Alex. I kept bugging him about it but he wouldn’t tell me. So I just let it go. Then about two and a half weeks ago, I ignored Alex because he was stressing me out about this huge project that was due. You know me, John. My work is important to me. Something was missing on the project and I couldn’t figure out what it was and Alex kept bugging me to just send it in. He said I was being a diva. Then when I go to apologize for ignoring him, he gives me the silent treatment. I tried to talk to him multiple times and apologize but nothing. So another friend of mine invites me to sit with her and her boyfriend’s friends. She told me to give him space, so I did. But John he’s been a nightmare, he’s always glaring at me and then today he orders me to go to school so we can talk.” I huffed taking a sip from my cup, trying to use the chocolate to soothe me. “That’s not even the worse thing John… When Jay found out he and I weren’t speaking he basically broke down and told me he’s not good for me and not to go back. He begged me to trust him, but he wouldn’t tell me what happened. He told his best friend’s sister and she told me that it was better that I let him go.”

John leaned back, crossing his arms across his chest. The frown was still on his face, “That’s a lot,” He murmured, twirling his empty mug. I frowned when he couldn’t meet my gaze.

“You know too. Don’t you,” I asked, watching his light brown eyes shoot up to stare at me. I shook my head feeling betrayed that my brother could tell literally everyone else, but not tell me. “Of freaking course. I bet you’re not gonna tell me either.”

“I swore I wouldn’t say anything. I agree with Jayden,” John shrugged, tossing his hair over his shoulder. I rolled my eyes, feeling anger burn in my chest. My little brother could trust everyone else about something that applied to me, but he couldn’t even muster up the courage to let me know what the hell was going on. “I’m sensing you’re angry…”

“What the hell gave that away John,” I seethed, pulling out my wallet slapping a five-dollar bill on the table. “I’m so sick of everyone knowing something that is so bad for me, but they can’t even tell me what the hell it is.” I stood up sending him a glare. “Have a nice freaking day and have safe travels back.” I walked out of the cafe ignoring the freezing rain, listening to John’s footsteps follow me wishing I had never even run into him.

I fiddled with my keys, unlocking my car and yanking the door open. I tossed my stuff in the car, pushing down the burning anger raging through me. I got in, getting ready to slam the door but a hand caught my door preventing me from shutting it. “Laryssa, c’mon.” I glared up at him, wanting to take all my anger out on him. I looked away feeling my eyes start to burn and my throat start to close. “Don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

I rubbed my eyes harshly, grabbing my umbrella from the passenger seat, opening it up so he wasn’t getting soaked. He squatted so that I was looking at him face to face, sending me a small grateful smile. “What did I do that was so wrong that Jay can’t even trust me? I have known Alex since middle school. He was there since my dad died and he put up with all my moods. How can I just shove him away like he means nothing?”

“It’s not about him not trusting you. He’s scared that he could lose you, Laryssa. He almost lost you after your dad died, remember?” I stared at my steering wheel. A few tears slipped down as I remembered waking up in the hospital and Jayden clinging to my arm. I nodded, brushing my cheeks, ignoring my stuffy nose. “It must feel like your between a rock and a hard place, huh? I know you love your brother and you trust him. I also know you cherish your friendship with Alex.”

“I’m not who I was when you left. I’m stronger than I was then. I know I hurt him when I tried to kill myself. I know that John. But I have healed and I learned how to cope with loss,” I sniffed, pushing my hair away from my face. I went through countless therapy sessions so that I could get better and I had come to a place where I felt that I was good. “I need to know what he did to warrant such hatred. Why do I have to cut off my oldest friend? Don’t you think that’s something I need to know?”

John sighed, reaching over to pinch my cheek lightly. He moved so that he was sitting on the door frame, I almost cracked a smile at his lengthy frame trying to squeeze himself onto the small space. He grabbed my hand, holding it tightly. “Alright. I’ll tell you. It’s gonna hurt and I need you to keep me updated with how you’re doing.”

**2:00 p.m. Inside Chiago House, La Push, Washington**

I set the stew on the stove, trying not to get lost in what John had told me. I opened the freezer, taking out one of the ice cubes. I held it in my palm tightly, watching the rain pelt against the window. I let out a deep breath, letting the smaller piece of ice fall into the sink when I felt better. I walked to Jay’s room, opening his door seeing him tangled in his sheets, I peered closer seeing sweat cling to his brow. I quickly made my way to the restroom, grabbing another rag wetting it lightly.

I sighed, glancing in the mirror closing my eyes letting a few tears escape. I focused on trying to regulate my breathing. I took a few deep breaths before I opened my eyes. I leaned down, washing my face slowly taking time to feel the cool water against my cheeks. I turned the water off, drying my face slowly. I set the towel to the side, holding onto the edge of the sink. I understood now why my brother was so adamant about not telling me, he knew that it was Pandora's box and he didn’t want me opening it.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, my heart was in pain. I closed my eyes pleading for my dad to guide me. I imagined him telling me to relax and take slow breaths. I inhaled slowly, focusing on each breath I took. I could see him, sitting on his favorite chair, in his favorite painted blue jeans, and his white shirt splattered with paint and a paintbrush tucked behind his ear right ear. Pay attention to what’s happening. Think first. Never react if you haven’t thought about it. Once you pay attention, we can figure out the problem and come up with a solution.

I opened my eyes, rewetting the rag, turning the light off. I trailed back to Jay’s room, smiling slightly, sitting beside him. I dabbed the cool rag against his heated skin, “I’m sorry for the burden you had.” Never again. I brushed his hair back, seeing how young he really looked. “I understand why you didn’t want to tell me.” It was my own fault. I was all he truly had here and I knew how much he loved it here. If he had tried to kill himself, I wouldn’t want him to bear anything else remotely traumatic. “I was hurt because I thought you didn’t trust me, but now I know that wasn’t the case.”

I rested my fingers on his cheek, taking them away when he turned his back to me. With a small sigh, I stood up fixing his blankets. I eyed his room, grimacing when I saw the piles of dirty clothes. I slowly started to pick up his clothes, deciding that I would do his laundry since he was sick. I walked with his pile of clothes trying not to breathe in the rank smell of his old musty clothes. I shoved his clothes in the washer, making sure to put extra baking soda in. I started the wash going to check on the stew. The sound of the doorbell going off had me detouring, wondering who was at the door. I peeked through the little peephole, hurrying to open the door when I realized who was on the other side. I opened the door quickly, staring at Paul’s sheepish face. “Hey.”

“Hey,” I sounded breathless, I cleared my throat. “Come in.” He shuffled in quickly, I shut the door, looking down at the bags in his hand.”What are you doing here?”

“Mind if I,” He gestured to the kitchen, waiting for me to nod.

“Yeah, of course,” I trailed after him, watching him set the bags on the counter, glancing at the papers that still littered the table. I decided that I was going to pack them away. She could sort them out again when she decided to come home. He turned back to me, reaching to pull me into him. I grinned, shuffling closer into his warm hug. “Is school out already?”

Paul pulled back grinning down at me. “No, I didn’t have last hour so I wanted to check on you guys.” I closed my eyes when his fingers brushed against my cheek. He didn’t have to do that, and I appreciated that he did. I opened my eyes when his hand pulled away, turning so that he could rifle through the bags with his other arm still around me. “I got him some yellow Gatorade because yellow is the best to drink when your sick and crackers. The lady said that ginger tea was supposed to be good for him, so I got him some of that. These are honey cough drops that aren’t like the nasty ones. Something about them being all-natural. I got some kleenex, too.” I pulled myself out of his arms, staring up at him in shock.

I eyed the stuff for my little brother, my eyes started to water at how thoughtful he was. Paul frowned, glancing at the stuff he had bought. I walked closer to him, wrapping my arms around his middle, holding onto him tight. No one had ever done something like this before. “Thank you. This means a lot.” His arms wrapped around me tightly, as he rested his chin on my head.

I sniffed, pulling back wiping my face turning away so he didn’t see me crying over something silly.

“You’re welcome. How was your day,” Paul asked, setting his hands on my shoulders, rubbing them soothingly before he let go of me. I watched him rifle through the bag, setting three Hershey's bars off to the side peeking at me over his shoulder. It was my favorite chocolate to eat. “I didn’t know if you would be stressed, so I thought I’d get them just in case.”

I eyed the chocolate, although I had no desire to eat it. “My day was eventful,” I murmured, remembering how John had told me the last thing I expected to hear.

“Do you want to talk about it,” He asked, his hand reaching out to touch my arm. I stared at him, setting my hand on top of his. It was way too much drama that he didn’t have to endure. On the other hand, maybe it was good that he knew. He could decide then if he had doubts and it would be easier for him to walk away and hopefully we could remain friends or cordial. I hoped that it was early enough that it wouldn’t hurt me badly. “Laryssa?” I pulled him towards the living room, so we could talk on the couch. I didn’t want to lose him, not when I had barely gotten to know him. I wanted more time with him.

“That day that we went to the beach Jay had a little bit of a meltdown,” I started, moving so that my leg was under me as I turned to face him. Paul turned, a slight frown on his face as he turned so that he was giving me his full attention. “I told him that Alex and I aren’t speaking right now. Jay went off about how Alex wasn’t good for me and not to go back to him. He begged me to trust him, but he wouldn’t tell me what happened. Well, he told Leah and John.” I bit my lip, running my fingers through my hair. “I don’t know if you remember John Gray, he was a senior when we were sophomores. He left for Arizona since he had gotten a scholarship there. Anyway, he’s back for the week. I ran into him when I went to get some items from the store. We caught up at the Coffee House in Forks. I told him about everything that’s been going on and I had managed to get him to tell me why Jay was so distraught about Alex.” I stopped, glancing towards his door hoping that he was still asleep. I pursed my lips, fighting to gain control of the angry monster that had broken free of its cage. I dug my nails into my palms, taking a deep breath. “Jay was right, Alex isn’t good for me.” I didn’t dare look at Paul, I didn’t want to see what he thought of my drama.

“What did he tell you,” Paul questioned, grabbing my hands to unravel them. I blinked rapidly staring at his hands. I could feel the slight calluses, and how hot they were.

I didn’t even want to repeat the bet that I heard Alex had made. Who the hell did Alex think he was? How could he make a bet about him taking my virginity? How could he even dare to think that he owned me? “He made a bet with someone over the phone. I guess he bet a hundred dollars that he would be the one to take my V card on prom night.” Had I meant so little to him, that he would do that to me? I had trusted him by telling him I wanted to wait for someone I loved. He had just stomped all over me.

I blinked rapidly when I realized Paul had fallen silent. I slowly let my eyes trail over him, shrinking back when I saw how angry his gaze had become. My eyes darted his hands when I felt them shaking. “He what?” I swallowed hard when I heard him growl. He breathed hard, releasing my hands to stand up and pace. I watched him shake unsure what to say.

I licked my lips, trying to gain the courage to speak. I reached out taking his wrist in my hand to get him to stop. His eyes snapped to my hand and I let him go as if I had suddenly been burned, “I’m s-sorry.” I pulled my hand to my chest, cursing myself for touching him.

I couldn’t meet his eyes as he kneeled in front of me. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I just wasn’t expecting your touch.” I slowly looked up at him, seeing the frown on his face deepening. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get upset. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling.” He wasn’t mad that I had touched him, he was just startled. I held out my hand offering it to him.

“So many different things,” I offered when he took my hand sitting beside me. “Anger, hurt, confusion.” I listed off a few, feeling him sit closer to me. I rested my head on his shoulder savoring that I could do this for the moment, waiting for what was going to come next. It was inevitable, no guy wanted this sort of drama. “I’ve been wanting to know since I knew Jay couldn’t stand him. But I’d never thought it would be this. I opened Pandora’s box.”

When John had told me, I didn’t believe it at first. But then the pieces had finally come together. Alex used to let me practice Spanish on his premium app, but when he and Jay had the falling out he wouldn’t let me touch his phone. There were times that he had been more touchy-feely than I had been comfortable with. When we had fallen asleep from watching a movie on opposite sides of the couch, I had woken up with his arms around me. He claimed that I had moved so I was laying on him.

“What can I do,” He murmured, letting go of my hand moving his arm so it was settled behind my shoulder. He gently pulled me back, so I was tucked into his side. I rested my head back on his shoulder, letting his hand take my free one.

I let out a small shuttered breath, closing my eyes trying to fight against the tears. “You’re already doing it,” I whispered, feeling like I was being shielded by the blows being thrown. He was giving me a chance to get my bearings, covering me from what I couldn’t handle. I still didn’t understand why I felt so enamored with him in such a short amount of time, but some things just weren’t meant to be understood right away, and right now I was more than okay with that. He readjusted himself, pulling me so that I was tucked closer into his side, his warmth was comforting. I felt his head rest on mine and his thumb stroke soothing circles into my skin.

**3:34 p.m. Inside Chiago House, La Push, Washington**

I stirred the stew, inhaling the mouthwatering aroma. “I never got a chance to ask you how your day was,” I glanced back at Paul, sitting at the table staring at me as I started to cut up the cabbage. I had just flown straight into me and forgotten about him. I tossed the cabbage in the pot, turning so I gave him my full attention.

“Boring. My beautiful partner wasn’t in class with me and I had no one to walk to the gym. Lunch was uneventful since I didn’t have anyone trying to steal my fries,” Paul sighed, sending me a grumpy look.

I bit my lip, trying to suppress my smile. I had stolen one of his fries last week and he had teased me about it ever since. “I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” I smirked, offering him a carrot. “Did they even serve fries today?”

Paul grinned, his tongue poking out to wet his lips. “No, “ He reached over taking the carrot.

“Oh, so you’re trying to make me feel guilty for taking your food,” I teased, munching on the leftover carrots. “It’s almost as if you wanted my mouth to keep burning,” I laughed, mentally blaming Embry for lying to me so I would try the chili he had grown. “Starch has been proven to help alleviate spiciness.”

“I warned you not to try it,” Paul smirked, getting up from the chair, taking a carrot from the cutting board.

“You tried it with no problem, so I thought it was a dud,” I leaned against the counter, listening to the rainfall. “Sometimes I just have to take a chance.” I eyed him out of the corner of my eye, watching him grin.

“Sis,” Jay’s voice cracked. I turned around frowning at how awful he sounded. He nodded to Paul, leaning against the wall.

I walked towards him reaching out to feel his skin. I winced feeling how feverish he felt. “Back to bed, c’mon.” I tried to herd him towards his room, but he wasn’t having it. “Jayden, you aren’t feeling well and your body needs rest.”

He batted my hands away, turning to stare at Paul. “You hurt my sis, I’ll hurt you.” I froze, letting my mouth fall open at his threat. He was like a little chihuahua going after a rottweiler.

“Oh my god,” I murmured mortified, that even sick he could embarrass me. “Let’s go,” I grabbed his arm pulling it over my shoulder tugging him towards his room.

“Payback for taking my controller,” He snickered, falling into a coughing fit. I rolled my eyes at him, patting his back gently. I pulled back his covers helping him back into bed. I pulled his pillows so he was propped up. I grabbed his blankets, pulling them over him. “When did he come over?”

“Earlier,” I mumbled, sitting on the side of his bed. I watched him, seeing how exhausted he was. “He brought you some things to help you get better.” I eyed him seeing him settle into his pillows clasping his hands together. “I made some soup… I’ll bring you some in a bit and you can watch some TV.”

I stood up, stopping when his hand wrapped around my wrist. I glanced at him sitting back down, wondering what was going through his mind. “Ask him if he wants to play a game with me in the living room after I eat.”

“Is that an olive branch,” I asked, reaching forward to run my fingers through his hair. He nodded settling against his pillows. “Why don’t I ask when you’re feeling better?” I wanted him to rest, but I also didn’t want Paul to get sick. I had already exposed him to my second-hand germs, I didn’t want him to get it from the source.

“That’s why your the smart one,” Jay murmured, closing his eyes at my fingers massaging his scalp. “Next time.”

I grinned at him, getting up to bring him some food. I walked to the kitchen seeing Paul gazing out the window watching the rainfall. I took a second to admire him. His hair looked so soft that I wanted to run my fingers through it. His black shirt stretched across his torso, causing me to blush at the sight of him. He was undeniably attractive and I was so meh.

“Even sick he still manages to be frightening,” Paul turned, leaning against the sink sending me a small smile.

Jay was about as frightening as a puppy. “How so,” I asked, wanting to hear his thoughts about how my tiny brother was scaring him.

“I saw the look in his eyes. Even if he was struggling to hold himself up,” Paul rubbed his face, a thoughtful expression had taken over his face. “I’m not planning on hurting you, god forbid if I did it’s nice to know that he would make me pay.”

I eyed my shoes, feeling my cheeks start to warm up at his admission. Hurting people was inevitable, but it was heartwarming to know that he didn’t want to hurt me. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. I scratched my eyebrow, trying to will away the butterflies. I felt that he liked to see me as a blushing mess. “He wants to play a video game with you when he feels better. If you’re up for it.”

“Name the time and I’m here,” Paul grinned, moving towards me. I stared down at his shoes, seeing the shine in his boots. I felt my face being lifted up so that I was looking at him. “I can’t get enough of you blushing.”

“Well my cheeks would like a break from the constant blood rush,” I said, feeling a small grin trying to push its way onto my face. I reached up to touch his face gently, trailing my fingers underneath his eyes. “Not sleeping well?”

“Not really,” He grabbed my hand, holding it to his cheek. He nuzzled my hand, closing his eyes. “Did you want me to stop trying to make you blush?”

“No,” I answered quickly, shying away slightly when he opened his eyes. He leaned forward, nuzzling his nose against mine. “How come you aren’t sleeping well,” I whispered as if we were in a bubble and if I spoke any louder it was going to burst.

“Work is stressing me out,” Paul sighed, his arm coming to rest on my back. “So you like blushing?”

I frowned, tugging him towards the couch. I sat him down, handing him the remote. “For the record, I don’t mind if you make me blush,” I hummed, wincing at my loose mouth. I pushed his shoulder gently when he tried to get up. “I’m going to give Jay something to eat. Are you hungry?” He shook his head, letting his body relax into the couch. “Relax, I’ll be right back,” I murmured, trying to escape to the kitchen so I didn’t tell him something else embarrassing.

His hand wrapped around my wrist, tugging me so that I tumbled down on his lap. I blew my hair out of my face, freezing when I realized how close I was to his lips. “I’m okay. I promise.” He tucked my hair behind my ear, sending me a small smile.

“You took care of me… let me do the same for you,” I focused on looking at his eyes, so I didn’t stare at his soft lips. It was a small gesture, nothing that compared to what he had already done for me, but it was the only thing I could offer. “Can I do that?” I let my hands wander to the side of his face. I stroked his cheeks, wanting him to take a few moments to relax. Paul nodded, letting out a deep breath nuzzling his face into my hands. “I’ll be right back.” I let my hands drop from his face, as I carefully got up out of his lap.

**4:57 p.m. Inside Chiago House, La Push, Washington**

I quickly folded Jay’s clothes, setting them on his desk while he set his bowl to the side. I glanced back at him, seeing him rub his stomach. “You made Pop’s soup? I thought you didn’t know how to make it.”

I grabbed the basket, hiking it up on my hip. He handed me his bowl with a content smile. “I didn’t. But I wanted to try it off of taste alone,” I smiled, setting the basket down to pull his blanket up. I fixed up his nightstand, making sure his Gatorade was open, his cough drops were beside them and the tissue box was at his side. “When we were sick, he made it and I know I always felt better after I ate it.”

“I feel full, but a nice full. Did Paul like it,” Jay asked, settling in his pillows, pulling his blanket closer to his chest.

“He dozed off a few minutes ago, I’ll give him some when he wakes up,” I smiled, picking the basket back up, setting the bowl in it. “Thanks for giving him a chance Jay.”

“You trust me… I trust you,” He grinned, letting a yawn out.

I nodded, holding onto his door. “Open or closed?”

“Closed,” Jay yawned again. I closed the door behind me, heading towards the laundry room to set the basket down. I took the bowl out, humming to myself as I walked back to the kitchen. I peeked over the couch seeing Paul passed out. I set the bowl down, unraveling the small blanket on top of the couch tossing it gently over his massive form. I smiled when I heard him snore, he needed a good rest and I hoped he was going to get it on our small couch. I went back into the kitchen, making myself a small bowl. I let it sit for a moment, heading towards my art room to grab some supplies to draw. I grabbed my lucky notebook, and the last pencil my dad had gifted me. Walking back to the kitchen, I grabbed my bowl heading to go sit at the coffee table.

I set my things down quietly, sitting against the couch. I pulled my bowl onto my lap, watching wipeout laughing quietly when the people were falling off the balls. I glanced behind me, seeing Paul still passed out. I set my bowl down, picking up my notebook quietly trying to turn to a blank page. I kissed my pencil, quietly thanking my dad for giving it to me. I eyed the pencil, smiling at how worn it was. It had been the first pencil my dad had been gifted from his mom when he started drawing. He had passed it down to me when I sold my first painting. If I was lucky to have children, I wanted to be able to pass this small token onto them. I started to sketch Paul at the window, he had been staring at the rain intently and I wasn’t sure what he thought about my drama. I waited for the ball to drop and the doubts to come, but he had just held me and let me wind down. He had scared me when his eyes had snapped to my hand when I tried to get him to stop pacing. I closed my eyes, the hurt didn’t subside from when I told him, but it did lessen. I still didn’t know how I was going to handle Alex, but I did know that if I saw him soon I was going to unleash my rage. I wanted him to pay for how he wronged me.

I shook myself out of my thoughts when Paul whined in his sleep. He flinched and whined again. I set my things to the side, moving closer to him. I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to get him to calm down without waking him. “It’s alright,” I murmured softly, hoping that I didn’t wake him. He relaxed into my touch, pushing his face further into the couch. I smiled at him, I didn’t want to drop my hand from his soft strands just yet. I let him go after a moment,

“You didn’t have to stop,” I heard him mumble as he turned his head to stare at me. I smiled at him, reaching towards him to run my fingers through his hair.

“Is it comforting,” I asked, watching his eyes flutter close. I smirked, letting my hand trail down to his cheek. I couldn’t get enough of the skin to skin contact.

“Hmm,” Paul moved his face closer, liking the attention he was getting. I moved my hand back to his hair and trailed my hand over his back scratching lightly. “What time is it?”

“A little bit after five,” I glanced at the clock hanging at the back of the living room. “Do you have to go to work today?” He nodded, closing his eyes. I felt for him, all my work was done from the comfort of my home. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s worth it since I got to wake up to you,” Paul moved leaning closer to me. “How are you?” I let my fingers trail back up to his hair. I ran my fingers over his scalp scratching lightly.

“Better,” I promised, sending him a small smile. “Are you hungry?”

“A little bit. Did you eat?” He asked, sitting up glancing at my notebook. “Can I see what you drew?” He wiped his face, letting out a big yawn while he stretched.

I pursed my lips, glancing back at my half-eaten bowl. It didn’t taste like my dad’s but it would do. I grasped my notebook, pulling myself to sit beside him on the couch. I set my notebook on his lap and stood up to make him a bowl. I opened the pot, grinning at the fact that it was still warm. I filled up a bigger bowl, knowing how much he and the other guys ate. I brought it back to the living room, seeing him trace over the simple sketch.

“This from earlier,” He questioned taking the bowl from me, setting my folder on the coffee table. I sat a little way from him, pulling my knees to my chest.

“Yeah.” I wasn’t sure how he felt about being my muse. He had been a constant muse of mine so far and I couldn’t seem to stop. I bit my lip because I felt like I was overbearing and creepy. “Does... Does that make you uncomfortable?”

He turned to stare at me, his cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk. I would have laughed if it weren’t for the anxiety building in my stomach. “No. I like seeing how you see me.” I nodded, letting the anxiety melt away and the butterflies start. I grabbed my bowl, slowly starting to eat. We ate quietly and it was nice not to have to feel the need to speak. I set my bowl down when I finished all the meat leaving the veggies. “Don’t like vegetables?”

“Not right now.” I grinned, stretching. I wasn’t too hungry but if I had to eat, I was going to eat the meat. “How is it?”

“I think I found something better than brownies,” He grinned, setting his bowl to the side. I smirked when he rubbed his stomach. He held out his hand, glancing at me. “C’mere.” I set my hand in his allowing him to pull me to him. I bit my lip when I slid into his lap, unable to meet his eyes. I shouldn’t have been this nervous to be pressed against him since I had been held in his arms so many times. I allowed myself to relax when his arms wrapped around my waist as he held me to him. “I know a lot must be going on in there,” he tapped my head lightly, “and I just want you to know that I’m here for you.” I didn’t want to cry anymore. I had shed so many tears today and I didn’t want to shed anymore. Not over Alex. His pathetic self shouldn’t be worth my tears.

“This is a lot, Paul… you didn’t sign up to deal with this,” I mustered up the courage to stare at him. I needed him to see that it was okay to leave and that he didn’t have to worry about me. He was a kind person that everyone misjudged, and any girl would be lucky to be with him. “It’s alright if you don’t want to deal with this.”

Paul frowned, placing his hands on my face holding me so that I was staring at him. “I still don’t have doubts, Laryssa.” I blinked rapidly, wondering how in the world he didn’t. How was he able to handle that my best friend obviously bet on sleeping with me. What guy wouldn’t look at that and say I can’t do this? “What that,” He took a deep breath closing his eyes and I felt him shiver. I tentatively reached out to touch his shoulder. “What Alex did to you isn’t causing me to think of you in a negative light. I want to hurt him, but you… I just want to hold you and keep you away from him. Everything that you are feeling because of what he did is valid.” I let out a shaky breath, trying to shove down the waterworks. “I don’t want you to hold it in. If you’re hurt and you wanna cry, then you can bury your face into my shoulder and I’ll hold you tightly until you feel better. If you’re angry and you wanna go kick his ass, I’ll hold him down and you can get some shots in or scream at him if you don’t want to get too violent. You tell me what you wanna do. But before you do, I want to make one thing clear,” I stared at him, seeing his eyes holding mine and different emotions swirling behind the deep brown, “this isn’t causing any doubts for me. I want to be beside you through anything.” I blinked rapidly, feeling the tears fall freely. He let go of my face and I let myself bury my face into his neck as I sobbed quietly. I held onto him as if he were my last lifeline. I felt his hand hold the back of my neck lightly and his arm tighten across my waist. Right now he was the only thing that I was able to hold onto to keep my sanity.

I sniffed, laying my head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry for doubting,” I murmured, bringing my hand up to wipe my face. “And for getting your shirt wet.”

“There will be a day when you won’t have them anymore and until then I’m happy to remind you,” He tightened his arm again. He sounded so sure and I craved that feeling. “As for the shirt, I’d say that it’s okay, but I never want you to cry like that unless it’s from happiness.”

“One day.” I wiped my eyes again, “Jay doesn’t know that I know. Will you keep this between you and me?” He nodded, pulling back to look at me. I stared at him, feeling extremely tired from all of the stress and crying. “What time do you have to leave for work?”

“In an hour,” I felt his chest rumble soothingly. I nodded, knowing that I should get up, but he was so warm and I didn’t know that I was that cold. I closed my eyes for a second shuffling closer to his warmth.

**5:53 p.m. Inside Chiago House, La Push, Washington**

Paul pulled back her covers, setting her down gently. He felt something hard under her pillow and he reached down pulling out a controller. He set it off to the side with a grin, as he tried to move his arms from her. He didn’t want to leave her, but he had patrol and he couldn’t cancel. She whimpered, holding onto his shirt tightly in her sleep. Paul leaned towards her, stroking her cheek lightly as if he were trying to coax her into letting him go. Laryssa sighed, pushing her face into her pillow letting him go to hold another pillow. He grinned down at her, pulling her grey blanket up to her chin. He grabbed the controller, holding it in his hand tightly so he didn’t drop it.

He took a moment to look at her room and it resembled her. She had plants decorating every shelf and tucked into every corner of her room. She had a whole forest outside at her fingertips, but she chose to bring more freshness to her as she slept. He pictured her watering her plants and speaking to them in her soothing voice. Her walls were decorated with paintings and her ceiling was covered in glow in the dark stars. Paul stepped towards her mirror seeing her writing on the glass. Love Yourself. He squinted looking at the post beside her mirror, it wasn’t her handwriting. It was worn and the edges had been taped down. It looked like she had run her fingers over the note many times.

Pretty Girl, remember that you are trying and that’s good enough. Be home soon. -Dad

He stared at the note, wishing that he could’ve met her father. She always talked about him and he thought back to the sketch he had ruined. He would give anything to have met her and not ruined her work. He really needed to get going, but he didn’t want to leave her. Paul looked back at Laryssa, her face was peaceful as she slipped into her dreams. He hoped they were giving her comfort when he couldn’t. “Sweet dreams, Laryssa.”

Paul moved towards her door, quietly closing it behind him. He knocked quietly on the door next to her's. “Come in,” A weak voice called out.

He opened the door, feeling slightly anxious at talking with her little brother. He was grateful that she had a protector, but he didn’t want to be on the wrong side of that protection. He made a move to sit up quickly but stopped when Paul held his hand up. “Your sister fell asleep, I uh put her in her room. This was under her pillow,” He held up the controller. “I’m going to head out. Is there anything you need before I go?”

Jayden reached out for the controller. Paul stepped into his room, smelling Laryssa’s scent mixed with his. He set the controller in Jayden’s hand, glancing around his room. “Thanks… I’m alright… Did she ask you about the game?”

“Yeah, name the time and place and I’m there,” Paul said, sending him a small grin. He wasn’t sure about how to react around him.

“Good,” Jayden pulled up his blanket, leaning against his pillows. “My sister wants to give you a chance and I respect and trust her choices. So I’m giving you a chance. I- I don’t know if she told you anything about Alex, but if you ever hurt her like he has. You will regret it.”

Paul swallowed, even though he towered over the kid he saw the threat and the fear in his eyes. From what it looked like, Laryssa was all he had and he seemed like someone who would go down fighting for her. It was a type of love that he saw between siblings who had a strong bond. He admired the kid willing to go to bat for her. “I don’t plan on hurting your sister. I know that the rumors say different, but Laryssa means a lot to me. I hope one day I can earn your trust.”

Jayden eyed him, sending him a small nod. “Thanks for getting me the stuff,” He jerked his head to the items that he had bought earlier for him. “I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome. Feel better,” Paul said, backing out of his room. He heard the small thanks as he walked away from Jayden’s door. He made sure to lock the door behind him. The rain had finally stopped and he wasn’t looking forward to the mud. He got into his truck, trying to suppress the anger that was boiling in his chest. Laryssa didn’t need to see his anger, but he wanted to-. He took a deep breath, not daring to let his thoughts go down that path. Paul backed out of her driveway, heading towards Sam and Emily’s house, trying to not let the fact that that worm hurt his imprint emotionally and planned to use her sexually. Over his dead body would he have let that happen. Paul searched his memories, trying to summon one of Laryssa that calmed him. He needed her to get him through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Edited on May 18, 2020.


	11. Take A Nap With Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe. Thank you to those who have favored, followed, and reviewed you are my inspiration and I appreciate each and every one of you! I hope you guys liked Chapter 9. I'm excited for you to read Chapter 10. But, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> I have posted Scarred Angel on Fanfiction, and Archive of our own as well. Enjoy!
> 
> Always and Forever,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, bodily insecurity, anger issues, misuse of a bet, stress, emotional abuse, suicide, negative thoughts, and implying abusive sexual innuendos.
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 10: Take A Nap With Me?

**“When you trip over love, it is easy to get up. But when you fall in love, it is impossible to stand again.”**

**― Albert Einstein**

** 10:49 a.m. Inside Chiago House, La Push, Washington **

I looked at myself in the mirror, grimacing at the fat on my stomach, but slightly impressed when I realized my thighs still looked good. I poked my stomach, deciding to go for a run. I needed to exercise to get rid of my tummy. The excessive amount of chocolate I was consuming wasn’t helping. I sighed, pulling my shirt down, grabbing my dark leggings. I didn’t want to go, but I needed it. I sighed, sliding onto the floor pulling my shoes out from under my bed. 

“Jay,” I called, tugging my running shoes on. I heard him drop something before his heavy stomps sounded in the hallway.

He threw open my door, wincing when it slammed against my plant. I glared at his sheepish smile as he bent down to make sure he didn’t crack the pot. “Sorry. What’s up?”

“I’m going for a run,” I held my hand out for him to pull me up. He rolled his eyes, tugging me up pretending to struggle. I smacked his head lightly when I stood, gathering my hair to pull it up.

“It’s raining,” He pointed out as if I couldn’t hear it pelting against the window. I glanced out my window noticing that it wasn’t as severe as it sounded. “Okay maybe it’s drizzling, but it’s gonna start back up soon.” I grabbed my phone checking to see if it was going to rain all day. If that was the case then I would have to push my run back to later in the evening. Maybe it wasn’t dire to go for a run now, it wasn’t like my stomach was gonna disappear after it. I nodded, listening to his voice of reason. “Why are you wanting to go anyway?”

I rubbed my stomach absentmindedly, “too many sweets.” He rolled his eyes, putting his hands on his hips. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m surprised that I didn’t break out from all the chocolate.” I sighed, kicking off my shoes, pulling my converse on instead. “I guess I can just eat something healthy to substitute for the run. Maybe cut out soda and sweets for a while.”

“Is this because of Paul,” Jay asked, leaning against the door frame, looking at the wall behind me. He trailed over to the wall, setting his hand where all of my old pictures used to hang. “You need some new ones. Wanna use my camera?”

What did Paul have to do with me wanting to go for a run? Did he not see how tight my shirt had gotten around my stomach? “No, why,” I eyed him wearily sitting at my vanity. “No, I have my camera. Thanks though.” I started cleaning up my messy desk, not wanting to open another can of worms with Jay.

“Just making sure,” He murmured, running his fingers over my plant. “He kicked ass at video games,” I stared at him through the mirror, seeing him smirking. He loved his videogames and anyone who was good automatically was in his good graces. “Since John’s leaving tomorrow, I’m going to go hang out with him. Wanna come?”

I kept my face carefully blank at the mention of John. He had texted every day since he told me, making sure I wasn’t downing in any pills. “No, I’m gonna start on my next project. Have fun.”

“Can we talk about the Alex thing later today,” He asked quickly, causing me to accidentally knock off my makeup at his question. He bent down quickly picking up my broken pallet. He glanced up at me curiously, “Sis?” I felt horrible at lying to him since I already knew what he was going to tell me. It was better that I own up now and face his anger.

“I know,” I tried my best to prepare for his anger, hoping this wouldn’t end up in a one-sided screaming match. I had told him I was going to wait for him to come clean, but I had allowed John to be the one who dealt the blow. “I know about the bet,” I clarified, too unsure to even look at him. My eyes shot to him when he dropped my pallet at my feet. I winced internally at the colors probably mixing in with my teal converse.

He stared at me in disbelief. I could see his hands curled into his sides. The last thing I wanted was to ruin his relationship with John, I just couldn’t lie to him. Honesty was always the best route. “How,” He hissed, his voice betraying his hurt. 

I took a deep breath, looking up at him towering over me. He was making me feel small and that wasn’t sitting well with me. “Sit down,” I glanced at the bed. I could hear his deep shaky breaths, indicating that he was about to blow his lid. I wasn’t about to have a screaming match with him. I stared into his eyes, watching him want to ignore my words. “I’m not going to speak to you when you’re towering over me like that.” He inhaled sharply sitting at the end of my bed. I ignored the pallet, turning to face him. “Before you get angrier, this was my doing. So if you’re gonna blame someone, blame me and my lack of patience.” He frowned, holding my eyes. I listened to his foot tap the floor anxiously. I continued cautiously, “John told me the day you were sick.” 

Jay gritted his teeth, his foot stopped tapping abruptly. “It wasn’t his place. That was for _me_ to tell you, not _him_. I was supposed to watch over you. How could I possibly do that when I didn’t know you knew?”

“He didn’t want to tell me at first. Said that it wasn’t his place, but I wore him down. He has been keeping tabs on me, checking in on me. I don’t think you give me enough credit,” I felt my anger rising at myself. I shoved it down, I had to be the reasonable one out of the two of us. Even if I had made myself a burden, one that my little brother thought he had to watch. “When I tried to kill myself,” He flinched violently at my words, refusing to look at me, “I was a different person. I’m stronger than I was then. I went through my therapy, and I healed from what I did. When John told me, that was the last thing on my mind. I was hurt Jay, but not to where I wanted it all to end.” I moved so that I was kneeling in front of his knees. I grabbed his clasped hands holding onto them tightly. “As much as you wanted to keep me protected from it, I _needed_ to know and I wasn’t patient enough to wait.”

“You didn’t want to die,” He whispered, his voice sounded so broken. I got up, sitting beside him pulling him into a tight hug. I caused this pain that my brother carried and I knew that it was one that would never fully heal. That day that I tried to end it all, I remembered kissing his forehead and hugging him so tight that he couldn’t breathe. When I had woken up, he had been clinging onto my arm crying while my mom had been outside yelling away on her phone. Jay had stuck to me like glue for months after then, and now that I thought back he never told me how he felt. Maybe it was because I had never thought to ask. For my own comfort, I buried it in the closet letting it get lost. 

“No, I felt hurt and confused but not to where I wanted to die. John didn’t tell me because he wanted to betray your trust. He didn’t want to hurt you. You mean so much to him.” I knew how much John adored Jay, how much he smiled when he talked bout him, and vice versa. “He’s older and wiser than us and he knew what he was doing. Don’t fault him for that.”

“I’m not angry at him anymore, I didn’t know how to tell you. You’re all I have,” He pulled away wiping his eyes. “I won’t lose you.”

“You won’t lose me. I am stronger than I was then and I don’t have thoughts dying. As much as I’m hurt right now, I have so many things to live for. I may not be happy all the time, but I want to live.” I touched his chest, feeling his heartbeat rapidly. “You have so much hurt in your heart and your mind, and you need to heal from the pain I’ve caused, that others have caused. I found a few therapists in Forks. Or we can go to Port Angeles if you don’t want to see anyone here.” 

He nodded slowly, brushing my hands away from him. “Send me the information and I’ll decide later. I’m going to go to the beach. I need some time. Can you let John know?” He didn’t even bother to listen to my answer as he closed my door. I rubbed my hands over my face, praying that I didn’t fuck up his relationship with John. I pulled out my phone, replying to Paul’s message about seeing him later today. 

I clicked on John’s number, hovering above the screen. I was scared to tell him, I should’ve waited for Jay to tell me, but I had shoved John in the middle unintentionally. I clicked his number, placing my phone next to my ear and my leg started tapping anxiously. I held my breath when I heard the line click over. “What’s up? I’m almost at your house.”

“Jay needs some time. I uh told him and he went for a walk. I- I- I’m not sure how long he’s gonna be gone,” I rushed out, pulling my hair out of the hair tie. 

“Alright. I’m still coming over. Make some hot chocolate,” John sighed. I could hear his blinker on. “Laryssa, it’s okay. I’m not upset. Focus on making the drinks, alright?” I nodded into the phone, letting out a small breath. “Laryssa?”

“Alright,” I said when I realized that he couldn’t see me nodding. “Door’s open,” I murmured, I clicked off, forcing my legs to get up and take me to the kitchen. I opened the fridge pulling out the milk. I focused on warming it up, pulling down the can that held the mix. I whisked in the powder, watching it dissolve in the saucepan. It was soothing watching it swirl. 

I glanced back at the door when it opened. John cursed, sliding slightly as he entered the living room. “It’s freezing. Why isn’t the heater on?” 

I rolled my eyes at him, bringing down a mug, pouring the hot chocolate. He came to stand next to me, patting my head in thanks when I offered him the warm mug. “Arizona made you a wuss.”

“Don’t be a hater. I should start calling you a pale face,” John grinned, taking down another mug pouring the rest into it. He pushed the mug into my hands, nodding his head towards the living room. So much for trying to be healthy today. “Look at this gorgeous tan skin. Arizona gave me that.”

I kicked my shoes off, pulling my feet under my body. I tossed the throw over his lap since he was cold. “It’s not even cold. You still have dry skin, so your skin is meh at most,” I said, ignoring the slight chill in the house. I was used to it and it hardly bothered me. “Call me a pale face and you’ll find yourself locked outside in the rain and wind.”

John rolled his eyes, touching his face. I hid my smirk behind my mug. He actually had clear skin and I was a little bit jealous. “Vicious. How are you?”

“I think I should be asking you that,” I stared at the blank TV, curling into myself. The mug felt nice against my palms. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin your relationship.”

“You didn’t ruin anything Laryssa. Sure he’s angry, I did break a promise.” John sighed, setting his mug on the coffee table, turning to stare at me. He ran his fingers through his hair, a thoughtful expression on his face. “I can handle his anger.” I clicked my tongue against my teeth, turning so that I could rest my head on the back of the couch and face him. “I see you and him as my little siblings. Granted I’m an only child, but I spent so much time with you two. I made a choice and I stand by it. Do you regret asking?”

“No,” I answered, feeling better that I knew. “He wants to protect me. But, he doesn’t have too. Not anymore,” I grimaced at my faults. If there was anything that I regretted, it was that I chose this path for us. When I had made my choice, I had accidentally made his. If it had been different, then maybe this wouldn’t be happening. “He needs a male figure, someone to look up too. I didn’t want to take that away.”

“You worry too much,” John said, picking his mug back up. “Have faith in me.” John grinned, slurping from his mug. I wrinkled my nose at his disgusting behavior. “Now, tell me about this project for your mom.”

** 12:49 p.m. Inside Chiago House, La Push, Washington **

“John if you don’t knock it off I’m going to knee you where the sun doesn’t shine,” I grumbled half-heartedly thankful that he was helping me clean off the table. He had stopped to read some of mom’s drafts and the voices he was making, no matter how funny they were, were a disgrace to mom's book. 

“You wound me,” He sighed, setting the papers in the box. “My voices are getting be-” He stopped when the door opened. I peeked around the corner seeing Jay and Paul grinning as they shook off the access water. “Who’s that,” I jumped when John asked suddenly beside me. 

“Don’t do that,” I smacked him with the stack of papers I had clutched in my hand. I looked back at Paul, seeing him eyeing John wearily. “I’ll go get some towels,” I murmured, shoving the papers in John’s hands, silently telling him to get back to work. I quickly walked to the linen closet grabbing two of the towels. I walked back seeing that the guys hadn't moved an inch. I frowned slightly offering Paul and Jay a towel. Paul took the towel gently, not daring to take his eyes off of John. “You okay?” Paul glanced at me nodding quickly before he glanced back at John. I furrowed my eyebrows wondering what was going on. I glanced at Jay when he sighed, wiping his face before he trailed over to John. I watched with hope blooming in my chest as John held out his hand to him. Jay smiled slightly, taking his hand, letting John pull him into a hug. I grinned, leaning back slightly accidentally brushing against Paul. I turned, tilting my head slightly when Paul kept his eyes on John. “Hey, thirsty?” I was hoping that it would snap him out of whatever was going through his mind.

His eyes snapped to mine and I could see anger flash through his eyes. Without thinking, I set my hand over his that was gripping the towel tightly. “Paul, this is John. John this is Laryssa’s boyfriend Paul.” 

I froze at Jay’s introduction. I hadn’t even thought to introduce Paul and I wasn’t sure how he would react to being called my boyfriend. We were just dating, and I didn’t think that it meant we were exclusive. I hadn’t even kissed him yet. Paul brushed past me, reaching out a hand to John. “Nice to meet you, John. I’ve heard good things about you.”

“I would say the same but it seems Laryssa decided to block out the part where she had a boyfriend,” John said, causing me to falter at his accusing tone. John let go of his hand, stepping around him to face me. “Why’s that? _Embarrassed?_ ”

I caught Paul’s hurt look in the mirror before I glared up at John. “Of course not. You’re being an ass,” I shoved past him, grabbing Paul’s hand pulling him towards my art room. It was a place that John wasn’t allowed to enter. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, once I shut the door and locked it so Jay couldn’t barge in. I turned to face him, seeing his face impassive. I faltered, he had never shut me out and I realized maybe I had hurt him and he didn’t want me to know. “Paul,” I ventured closer, setting my hand on his arm. 

“Are you,” He asked, sitting on the open stool, staring at me. I let my hand drop to my side. Was I what? I tilted my head wondering what he was asking. “Embarrassed? To be with me?”

“No,” I said quickly, wondering if I should touch him. “I’m not. I just didn’t know that we were exclusive and he never asked. I should’ve told him that I was seeing you. I wasn’t trying to hide, I’m sorry.” I stepped closer to him, my fingers were itching to touch him. I was trying to give him space. 

Paul sighed, setting the towel on the desk, rubbing the back of his neck. I closed my eyes cursing myself internally for not telling John. I had been thoughtless and it was coming back to haunt me. I stared at him, seeing water drip down the side of his face. I stepped forward grabbing the towel, leaning forward making sure that I stayed a good distance away so he could push me away if he wanted as I tried to wipe the side of his face before I chickened out. I ignored his eyes, focusing on drying his hair when he didn’t push me away. He must have been caught in the downpour when it started up again. I jumped slightly when his arms rested on my hips clasping his hands behind my back. He tugged me forward so I was standing in between his legs. I looked down at him, seeing him stare at his lap. “I understand if you were embarrassed.”

I stopped drying his hair, leaving the towel on the top of his head. I put my hands under his face, so he could look at me. “I’m not. I don’t have any doubts,” I stroked the top of his cheek, seeing that he still looked tired. He had repeated those five words to me and somehow they always put me at ease. “Still not getting sleep?” I let go, letting my hands trail up to the towel, lightly scrubbing his scalp. 

Paul grinned, his arms tightening around me. He shook his head, resting his forehead on my stomach. I smiled slightly, rubbing the towel lightly at the back of his head. “I’m sorry for doubting.” I chuckled slowly, taking the towel off his head, letting my nails run over his upper back. I bit my lip when he pushed his forehead further into my stomach. I shoved my insecurities down, focusing on him. 

“I’m sorry I gave you a reason too.” I didn’t like how it felt when there was doubt and I wondered if that’s how he felt when I doubted him. I needed to trust because I didn’t like this feeling and I didn’t want him to feel like this. “I’ll be better,” I promised.

“You’re okay being called my girlfriend?” I shivered at the word, feeling happiness start to bubble at the pit of my stomach. He pulled back, resting his chin on my stomach, looking up at me. 

“Yeah, more than okay,” I mumbled, trying not to grin widely at my admission. I set my hands on his cheeks again, watching his eyes flutter close. I sighed harshly when I heard an obnoxious knock on the door and the door try to open. Whatever peace we had made evaporated, with the continued knocking. “Should we sneak out the window,” I asked, not wanting to deal with John and Jay. 

“We can hang out at my place,” Paul grinned, raising his eyebrow at me. I grinned back nodding, pulling him over to the window. I yanked it open, staring up at the rain starting to fall harder. “I’ll go first,” He whispered, causing me to shiver at how low his voice was. I nodded, stepping to the side watching him, pull himself out of the window with ease. Paul turned around, beckoning me out the window. I swallowed hard when his grey shirt started sticking to his body. I leaned out, feeling his warm hands settle on my waist as he picked me up effortlessly, pulling me the rest of the way through the window. I blushed, when he pressed me closer to him, I could feel every defined muscle and how warm he was. I couldn’t help but grin at the cool rain that pelted against my skin, cooling my heated flesh. “C’mon.”

I held in the laughter as we ran to his truck. I had almost fallen a few times, but his quick reflexes caught me so I didn’t face plant in the mud. He opened his door, letting me slide in first. He followed quickly, turning to glance at me. I laughed staring down at our drenched clothes, relishing in the fact that I was running in the rain with my boyfriend. My nerves were burning up in excitement, it was the first time that I felt exhilarated. Paul laughed starting to turn on the truck, his laugh prompted shivers to shoot up my spine. I set my hand on his arm, unable to laugh any further. Paul stared down at me in confusion, his laughter dying out, I took in the water dripping down his face, his hair was sticking to his face and his brown eyes were darker than they had ever been. Before I lost my sudden courage, I leaned up kissing him quickly. I instantly pulled away when my anxiety started creeping up in the back of my mind. I didn’t know what I was thinking. “I’m sor-” I froze when his warm hands cupped my cheeks gently, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles into my skin. 

Time seemed to freeze as his lips met mine. The only thing that I could even think about as I closed my eyes was him. It was his soft lips pressed against mine and his warm hands, and how they felt so good against the chill. My mind was drawing blanks at the sensory overload. He pulled away too quickly and I was majorly disappointed that I had to breathe. I opened my eyes to see a wide grin on his face and multiple emotions running across his eyes. I pulled his hands into mine, squeezing them tightly before I let them go. I couldn’t help but mirror his grin, not feeling an ounce of embarrassment. I had only kissed two other people before, those kisses didn’t feel anything like how this moment felt. I had been embarrassed during the aftermath of my previous kisses, I had bolted so I didn’t die of my embarrassment. The last thing on my mind was running. Instead, I scooted closer to his side, tucking myself into him as I placed my head on his shoulder, grinning wildly at my heart pounding in my chest and his warm hand resting on my knee as he backed out of my driveway. 

** 1:49 p.m. Inside Lahote House, La Push, Washington **

Paul glanced around his room, wincing at the empty soda cans and five-hour energy bottles. He didn’t even think about the state of his house when he invited her over. He hadn’t had time to clean in between patrols, school, and spending time with her. The only thing he wanted was to spend time with her. Her home was in better shape than his and he hoped that she didn’t mind. 

“You know five-hour energy isn’t really healthy for you,” She chided with a smile, using the towel he offered her to dry her hair. “It doesn’t help you sleep.” Laryssa stared at him, drying the sides of her face. 

“Sorry it’s a mess,” Paul murmured, wishing he had taken his father’s offer to clean before he left for Seattle. She shrugged, shivering slightly. He realized that she was still in her wet clothes, he kept forgetting that his temperature ran hotter than hers. “I have some dry clothes you can change into. I can put yours in the dryer.” He bent down, yanking out his bottom drawer quickly. He shifted through his old clothes, hoping she had something to fit her smaller form so she wasn’t swimming in his clothes. Paul grabbed his old black sweatpants and a simple dark t-shirt. He handed them to her, smiling at her pink cheeks. He couldn’t help himself as he leaned down to kiss her cheek gently. He heard her breath hitch and her fingers lightly brush against his. “You can change in there,” He pulled away, hiding his smirk when he noticed her cheeks darken. He watched her shuffled towards his restroom, noticing the way her leggings hugged her figure. Once the door shut, he got to work quickly cleaning up the room. He fixed his bed, pulling out one of the old blankets he used to use before he shifted. He opened the bottom drawer pulling out the wooly socks he wore when it got too cold.

Paul stopped when the door opened and she stepped out. His breath caught in the back of his throat. He swallowed hard trying to contain the sudden rush of pride at Laryssa in his clothes. Part of him wanted to hold her close to him and never let her leave the house. He didn’t know what it was, but there was something about her being dwarfed in his shirt, and his sweats cuffed at the bottom so she didn’t step on them. He could smell his scent mixing with hers and it was starting to make him dizzy. She made something so small, so desirable. “Where should I put these,” Her soothing voice broke through his trance.

“I’ll take them,” He walked towards her, holding his hands out for the wet clothes. Up close he could see her skin still flushed, and her loose hair starting to curl at the ends. “There are some socks on the bed. Make yourself comfortable.” He couldn’t help himself as he brushed his fingers across her soft cheek. It was one thing that he couldn’t get enough of. He had taken a huge chance holding her close that day she had gifted him her painting. He was glad that he had taken the chance to hold her since it opened the door to being able to touch her without the fear of her getting frightened. “I’ll be right back.”

He pulled back, heading to the dryer to dry her clothes. He tossed her clothes in, freezing slightly when his eyes caught onto the navy bra. Paul stepped back, tugging his shirt off tossing it in to cover up the material. He tried his best not to picture how the color navy complimented her tan skin. He pulled his damp jeans off, quickly pulling on some black basketball shorts. Closing his eyes, taking a deep breath he shut the dryer turning it on. Quickly he riffled through the clothing he had yet to fold, as he looked for a shirt. He was burning up and he wanted to forgo the shirt, he wasn’t sure if she would be comfortable with him shirtless without others around. It was different when they were at the beach. He slowly tailed back to his room, pausing at the door when he saw her sitting in the middle of his bed staring up at her painting. A soft smile was on her face, she turned to look at him.

He moved, throwing himself beside her, grinning when she giggled. Paul laid his head on her thigh closing his eyes when her fingers ran across his bare shoulder. “So I read something, the other day…” He opened his eyes, giving her his full attention.

“Which was,” He mumbled, his hand coming up to rest on her lower back. He started tracing shapes when he noticed how nervous she seemed. 

“Well to help promote trust, long periods of physical contact stimulates chemicals in your brain that help with uh trust,” Laryssa mumbled, her fingers stopped as she stared up at the painting. “Never mind, that sounded weird.”

Paul sat up, setting his hand on the other side of her. He stared into her eyes, bumping his nose against hers. “No judgment. Tell me what you wanted to say.”

Laryssa closed her eyes, resting her forehead against his. “Take a really long nap with me?”

He wanted to laugh at how simple her request was. One of these days she was going to realize that she had him wrapped around her finger. “Is this way to get me to sleep?”

She pulled away pursing her lips at his question. “Is it working?” He grinned at her, brushing his lips against her cheek. 

“A little bit,” He pulled her so she was sitting in his lap. “Sleeping next to each other, helps with trust?” Laryssa hummed nodding shyly, and he could see the pretty pink color spread across her cheeks. The more he saw her blush, he realized that it was his favorite color. “I have something I want to give you first.” He leaned back, pulling out a small box from the nightstand. 

Laryssa grinned at him when she took the box gently. She leaned further into him, opening the little purple box. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, smiling when he heard her gasp. She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, pulling out the silver chain holding the pendant wood carving of a sunflower. He had made it the day she told him that she liked sunflowers. “Put it on me?” Paul nodded, taking the chain from her. She swept her hair to the side, shivering lightly when his fingers brushed across the back of her neck. He watched her fingers, trail up to the pendant, running her fingers against it. “It’s beautiful.”

“You think so,” He asked, watching her turn to stare at him. 

She nodded, her hands reaching up to cup his cheeks. “Yeah, I do.” He glanced down at the necklace, picking up the pendant. He didn’t tell her that the last time he had craved was before he shifted. “You remembered?”

“I craved it the day you told me that you liked them,” He brushed his thumb across it one last time, setting it back down. “C’mon, let’s take a nap.” He looked at her expectantly.

Laryssa beamed at him, kissing the tip of his nose. He leaned back pulling her back with him. She braced herself on his shoulders, staring down at him. Paul gazed up at her, holding her hips. “This isn’t a nap,” She trailed off, leaning down to kiss his cheek. Paul smirked, “Don’t you dar-” He turned to the side pulling her down so she was lying beside him. She huffed at him, brushing away the hair that blocked her view. Laryssa mock glared at him as he pulled her close, tucking his head on top of hers. He felt her fingers trail up his back, reaching the back of his neck, pulling his hair at the nape of his neck lightly. He felt her smirk against his chest. “Get some rest,” He heard her murmur as she maneuvered closer to him. Paul sighed in content, pulling her impossibly closer, letting her scent calm him as he drifted off.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Edited on May 24, 2020.


	12. Limit Reached

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe and happy! Thank you to those who have favored, followed, and reviewed you are my inspiration and I appreciate each and every one of you! I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. I hope you guys liked Chapter 10. I'm a bit nervous for you to read Chapter 11. But, nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> I have posted Scarred Angel on Fanfiction, Tumblr, and Archive of our own as well. Enjoy!
> 
> Always and Forever,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, bullying, physical abuse, anger issues, misuse of a bet, stress, emotional abuse, negative thoughts, and implying abusive sexual innuendos.
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 11: Limit Reached

" **I guess that's just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up."**

― **Lauren Oliver, Delirium**

**8:27 a.m. La Push High, La Push, Washington**

I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, listening to the rain pelt against the windshield. I glanced down at my phone, grimacing at the time. I needed to go to my locker, yet I couldn't force myself to get out. "You're being a baby," I mumbled, unclicking my seat belt. Only a few more months of school and I could be done with this hell hole forever. I hit the wipers seeing Alex still perched on the ledge beside the doors. Of course, he would pick the day where Paul wouldn't be here. "You don't need him to fight your battles," I grumbled at my thoughts. I could face him alone, I didn't need someone to hold my hand. A rapid knock on my window, caused me to clutch my heart. I glanced out the window seeing Kim grinning at me.

I opened my door, smiling when she held the umbrella higher so that we didn't get wet. "Why are you so jumpy?" I grabbed my bag getting out of the car, slamming the car door. I hooked my arm through hers thankful that she was there. I was a coward and I would admit it head-on. I didn't want to be anywhere with him.

"When am I not jumpy," I asked, holding my bag closer to my chest. Kim laughed, pulling me towards the double doors. My arm tightened in hers when we walked past Alex. I was thankful that he didn't try to stop us. I just had to get through two classes, the time in between classes, lunch and after school. "I have so much to tell you."

"We should've skipped today," Kim sighed, closing her umbrella. "I do not want to run today," She yawned, gesturing for me to take the umbrella. I took it, mouthing sorry when I accidentally flung water at a random chick. "Are we going through the maze?"

"Yeah," I murmured wishing that I didn't have to go through the maze, but at least that I wasn't alone. "Wanna skip during lunch?"

"Uh Yeah! Let's go eat in Forks," Kim smiled, jumping up and down. I laughed, jumping with her, ignoring the weird looks we were getting. "Alright meet me at my locker?"

I nodded, letting her arm go. "Sounds like a plan. See you in the locker room then." I turned heading to my locker. I weaved in and out of people, wishing that I could just walk normally through the halls. I hummed to myself when I finally reached my locker.

"Is this what we are doing now," I tensed hearing Alex's voice behind me. I held my breath, opening my locker, setting my new chocolate bars in, and grabbing out my textbook. "Laryssa." I gripped my book tightly, so I didn't turn around and knee him. I needed to go about this calmly and not give away my power. He didn't deserve to see how much he hurt me.

I jumped back, dropping my book when his hand reached over my shoulder slamming my locker. I turned to shove him back forgetting about being calm. "I told you to leave me alone." I glared at him watching his dark eyes widen at my sudden use of force. I had never gotten angry at him to the point where I would put my hands on him. "I don't want to speak to you. I don't want anything to do with you." _Walk away, before you do something you will regret._

I grabbed my book, walking quickly to the classroom. I could feel several eyes on my back and I hated the attention. I had no doubt that the rumors were going to start circulating. I yanked open the door sighing in relief when there was no one in the classroom. I ran my fingers through my hair, wishing that I could crawl under my covers and bawl. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out, slowly walking to the desk that started out as Alex and I's desk but turned into Paul and I's desk. I set my bag down with a thunk, a small grateful smile rising as I looked at Paul's message sitting down in the uncomfortable chair.

**Paul: Have a good day today! Miss you. See you later?**

**Laryssa: Yeah your turn to pick a movie. ;P**

**Laryssa: I'll try. Have a good day too. Miss you too! See you later.**

I rubbed my finger fondly over my lockscreen. I bit my lip, at the picture of us. I unlocked my phone, clicking on Paul's message again. I typed in a new message to him, hovering over the send button. "Stop being a coward."

I hit send before my brain could talk me out of it.

**Laryssa: <3**

_F lashback: _ _**4:45 p.m. Inside Lahote House, La Push, Washington** _

_I moved closer to the warmth, pressing my face into a firm surface. I frowned wondering what I had put on my bed and since I didn't want to open my eyes, I used my hand to try and figure out what was so warm and firm. When I couldn't figure it out, I surrendered, opening my eyes to see brown skin under my palm. I dropped my hand biting my lip at my stupidity for forgetting that I had asked Paul to take a nap with me, I took a small peek at Paul only to see him still passed out, snoring away. I let out a breath of relief when I realized he wasn't awake to feel me accidentally grabbing his body. I glanced down at our bodies, grimacing when I realized that I was probably crushing him since I was halfway on his body. I had half a mind to just forget about it and go back to sleep since he was really warm. I stilled when Paul moved his snores halting, pulling me so that I was closer and his hand was lightly rubbing my back._

" _Why are you so tense," He whispered groggily, burying his face further in my hair. "Relax, Laryssa." I nodded, taking his advice, trusting that if I was making him uncomfortable he would tell me. I laid my head back on his chest listening to the steady beat of his heart."Did you sleep okay?"_

" _Yeah," I said, feeling well-rested. I usually got cold easily, but his warmth kept me content. "Did you," I asked, letting my fingers trace shapes into his skin. I pressed my head closer to his chest when I heard his heart beat faster._

" _I haven't slept that good in years," He admitted, pulling back to look at me. I peeked up at him, shooting him a small grin. "I might not let you go home now."_

_I laughed, scooting up so that I was eye level with him. Paul moved his arm so he could prop his head up. "I guess it wouldn't mind," I teased, resting my face on my hand. "Your bed is really comfortable." Paul laughed tilting his head back._

_He looked back at me still smiling as he brushed his fingers against my cheek. Paul moved so that he hovered over me, I leaned back against the bed, reaching up to rest my hand on his face. I couldn't seem to stop reaching out to touch him. There were times that I felt like I was dreaming and when I felt his warm skin I knew that I wasn't dreaming. I pulled him closer, brushing my nose against his. Slowly I let my fingers trail into the hair on the nape of his neck. "Is that the only reason why you wouldn't mind?"_

_All I had to do was lean up and our lips would meet. "There might be a few more," I grinned, playing with his hair. I tugged lightly, biting my lip when he let out a small groan. "Did I hurt you?"_

_He shook his head, reassuring me that I wasn't pulling his hair too hard. "Tell me the other reasons… Please," He leaned closer, his lips brushing against mine softly. I could hear my heart pounding excitedly in my chest and I was starting to forget all my reasons at the chaste kiss. If I pressed my head further in the pillow and tilted my head up, our lips would fully meet. I closed my eyes when I felt his hand take mine._

" _You're really warm," I opened my eyes, pulling him closer. I held his gaze before I lifted up to meet his lips. He grinned into the kiss, letting my hand go so he could place it on my back. I broke away when he flipped us so that I was hovering over him. I blinked rapidly trying to fight the sudden rush of dizziness. I laughed once I felt better, hitting his chest playfully. "You scared me."_

" _Sorry babe," He sat up, pulling me flush against his chest. I shivered at the new term. I hooked my arms around his neck, tilting my head to the side. I looked away from him, staring out his window seeing the rain still falling. "What's out there?"_

" _The rest of my reasons," I teased, squirming away when his hands pressed into my sides. I knocked my forehead against his chin, trying to fight off his hands. "Why are you so strong?" Paul chuckled, wrapping his arms around mine so I was trapped._

" _One more reason and I'll let you go," Paul compromised, leaning closer to press a soft kiss at the tip of my nose. I stared at him wondering how I ever made the mistake of thinking he was an ass. "Promise."_

" _I really like spending time with you, even if it's just something simple like taking a nap," I admitted slightly embarrassed as I pursed my lips when his arms released mine. I didn't like the fact that I suddenly felt cold. "Satisfied," I asked, pushing my hair away from my face._

" _I am," He rested his arms on my back. I settled my arms over his shoulders, letting my fingers trail back to the nape of his neck. My attention was drawn away when I heard the rumble of thunder. The last time that I heard thunder was when I was trying to take a photo, I had almost dropped the camera because the boom startled me. I wasn't really one for selfies, but as I thought about it more in-depth, Paul and I had no pictures together. "Tell me what you're thinking about?"_

" _We don't have any pictures together," I replied, shrinking closer when lightning flashed. I could ignore the thunder and the rain, the lightning not so much. I looked back at Paul, willing myself not to get scared._

" _Want me to close the curtains," Paul asked, starting to rub my back. I shook my head, telling myself that I could handle it, I just didn't like it. Without letting go of me he reached back grabbing his phone. He unlocked it, "I may or may not have taken a few pictures of you at the beach."_

" _Oh?" I perked up, moving closer to his phone to see the photos. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face as I looked at his screensaver of me, staring at the ocean. I smirked when I realized that it was the day he had chased me. Although I didn't remember him taking one. "That was a nice day," I murmured suddenly feeling shy and flattered at the fact that he set it as his screensaver. I looked away from his phone, focusing on tracing shapes into his skin so I didn't blush._

" _Yeah, it was," He rested his head on my shoulder. "Laryssa?" He picked up his head from my shoulder, staring at me with a small smile. I smiled back, giving him my full attention. I blinked rapidly when I heard a small click. Paul laughed looking back at his phone, pulling up the picture. "You'll like this one," He held it up, I squinted trying to see it._

" _May I?" I asked, holding my hand out for his phone. He set it in my palm, I readjusted his brightness so I could see the photo better. I grinned down at it, slightly envious at how well he took the picture. "What are some things that you aren't good at?"_

" _I'll tell you when I find out," Paul reached up kissing me._

**8:37 a.m. La Push High, La Push, Washington**

I looked down at the picture of me smiling down at him fondly. He was so confident that I admired him and I wanted to be like that too. I locked my phone with a small smile, pocketing it when my classmates started to enter. I pulled out my notebook, clicking my red pen as I roughly sketched a rose since I didn't have a partner today. I reached up to take my pendant out of my jacket when Alex strolled in, I started messing with it as I tried to focus on the sketch instead of Alex roughly pulling the chair out in front of me. I wanted to glare at him when he shoved the chair into my desk, causing me to mess up. I knew he wanted a reaction and I wasn't going to give it to him. He wanted to mess with me fine, I could deal with it. I continued on, ignoring the darker red line as I started over again. He did it again and I set my pen down calmly, scooting my chair back pulling the table with me so he couldn't touch the table.

"Partner up," Ms. Blu called, clapping her hands excitedly. I tried my hardest to ignore Alex when he shoved his chair back into my desk. I licked my lips, silently telling myself to breathe. "Laryssa?" I glanced at Ms. Blu waving her hand at me to come to her desk. I set my things on my chair so Alex couldn't touch them. I stood, walking to her desk, making sure that I could still see Alex and my things. "Since your partner isn't here today and you two have missed a few classes, you're gonna have to make up the work out of class."

"Can I show you something," I asked, ignoring her comment. She nodded wearily and I went back to my desk grabbing my bag and notebook. I brought my notebook up to her, flipping through the pages until I reached my rough draft of Paul's biography. "We finished our questions yesterday," I handed her my notebook so she could skim it. "I started typing it last night."

Ms. Blu slowly flipped through my front and back pages, a small smile on her face. "All of the questions?"

"All of them," I confirmed hoping that she was satisfied with it. "Since I did this and I'm using my laptop to write it. Can I go to the library?" The last thing I wanted was to be on the end of Alex's torments.

"I'll give you a pass," She opened her drawer, writing in her bubbly letters. "Paul finished his too?" She inquired, tearing the purple slip off the pad. She closed my notebook setting my slip on top of it.

"Yeah, but I'm not sure if he typed it up yet," I said, grabbing the slip with a small smile.

"Good job," Ms. Blu nodded glancing at the rest of the class. I took that as a sign that I could leave. "Laryssa?" I turned, wondering what else she wanted. "I can't wait to read it." I smiled, turning back to the door. I quickly left the room, letting out a sigh of relief. I had a whole hour to myself without having to worry about Alex.

I turned around the corner tucking my slip into my notebook, grimacing when I saw Cody. I couldn't get a break, I clicked my red pen nervously, hoping that he would leave me alone. "Good morning, Laryssa." I stopped glancing at Cody's smirk. I wasn't in the mood to deal with him.

"Morning," I gritted my teeth, starting to walk away feeling him following me.

"Hey," I heard his heavy footsteps, reminding myself to stay calm as I ignored him. His rough hand wrapped around my arm, shoving me against the locker. I winced when my back connected with one of the locks. "What did I tell you?"

I stared into his hateful brown eyes, shoving my anger down. I didn't understand why he felt the need to touch me. I yanked my arm out of his hold, glaring up at him. "Don't touch me."

"Bold of you to think you have a choice," Cody smirked leaning closer. I gagged at the smell of his breath. I had half a mind to shove a bottle of Listerine down his throat so I didn't have to smell dead fish again. "Who do you think you are?"

I dropped my bag and notebook, hearing the loud bang carry through the empty hallways. "Someone who is not in the mood for your bullshit." I watched his face morph into fury. I swallowed my fear when I felt his hand wrap around my throat, slamming my head against the locker. I ignored the pain, feeling panic set in as I clawed his hand, trying to get it off of me.

He leaned closer to me, and his breath surrounded my senses. I glared at him the best I could, digging my nails into his hand. "Brave girl."

I tried to shove the panic down, but the more I felt his hand press on my throat tightly, the more uneasy I felt. I let my hand drop from his moving to stand on my toes to get some relief. He shuffled on his feet so I could move. His hand tightened again and I pressed my hands against his shoulders. Cody laughed at my small attempts to push him off. "Off- me" I choked out, unable to breathe in deeply, realizing that if he moved back a little bit, I could knee him where the sun didn't shine and get away from him. His hand loosened some as he shifted and I made my move. I grabbed his shoulders, digging my nails into his shirt, bringing my knee up harshly feeling his hand let go of me. I bent down grabbing my things, ignoring him kneeling in pain, as I took off down the hallway not daring to look back. I reached the library doors, yanking them open, shoving myself past a few students not listening to their protests.

"You there, what's the rush?" I stopped pressing my hand to my racing heart. I tried to stop my hands from shaking. I kneeled, holding my notebook closer to my chest trying to calm myself. I scrambled back when a hand touched my shoulder. I looked up into the grey eyes of the old librarian. "Are you alright?"

"Yes," I stuttered out, opening my notebook to hand her the slip. "You just startled me," I lied, hoping that she would take the slip and leave me be. She reached out, taking the slip from my hand. She looked as if she didn't believe me but she didn't push further. Slowly, I got to my feet pulling my things closer to me. "Is there anything else you need from me?" I wanted to curl myself in the farthest corner of the library and forget about what just happened.

"No, let me know if you need _anything_ ," She emphasized anything and I almost wanted to take her up on her offer. I nodded, walking to the corner where I knew I wouldn't be bothered. I set my things on the small circular desk, looking around wearily realizing that I was the only one in this area. Quietly I pulled out my small compact mirror, tugging my jacket down seeing finger marks on my neck, and three scratches. I swallowed harshly, dropping the mirror watching it clatter on the table. I curled my hands into fists, wanting to find him and sock him in his disgusting mouth for daring to touch me but I knew I wouldn't do it. I closed my eyes, feeling my eyes burn at my shame. I was scared of Cody before he grabbed me, now I was terrified of him. I adjusted my sweater, trying to figure out what to do. I settled against the chair, knowing that I had half an hour to try and relax.

**10:17 a.m. Gym, La Push High, La Push, Washington**

I sat on the bleachers, fiddling with my jacket. "I have a test later, we can't go get lunch," Kim huffed, plopping herself next to me. She leaned back, patting her stomach sadly. "I really wanted pizza."

"Kim," I murmured, pulling my jacket closer wishing that I could see if the marks bruised. "I'm going to go to the locker room. I'll be right back." I didn't bother to listen to her response as I quickly walked towards the locker room. I rushed into the room, checking to see if there was anyone else in there. When I didn't see anyone, I looked into the mirror pulling my jacket down, moving my hair to the side, seeing the marks had faded, but the scratches remained. "Fucking Cody," I whispered, wishing that I had brought makeup so I could hide it. I fixed my jacket, seeing one of the stalls open. I cursed at myself when I realized that I had forgotten to check the stalls. I glanced at the smaller girl, hoping she didn't see anything. I turned away from her, heading back out to the gym. I opened the door not watching where I was going, and I bumped into Kim. I tried to smile, as I fixed my jacket. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking."

"C'mon tell me everything," Kim tugged on my arm, pulling me to sit in the empty entrance. I eyed the gym doors wondering if Coach Mig was gonna be mad. "Eh, he doesn't care. Tell me everything." I sighed, moving my hand to my neck.

"Alex made a bet with someone over the phone. I guess he bet a hundred dollars that he would be the one to take my virginity on prom night," I told her, watching the shock filter through her face before anger took over. She got up starting to pace back and forth. "Kim. Sit down."

"I'll beat him up for you," Kim growled, slamming her fist against her hand. "Give me a signal and I'll make sure he pays." She sat down next to me and I smiled at her. "Laryssa, what are you gonna do?"

"Cut him off," I shrugged, pulling my legs to my chest. "Right now Kim, it's the least of my worries. I honestly just don't care," I admitted, wondering if it was because of Cody. What happened was the only thing that I could really think about and the only thing I was worried about.

"What else are you worried about," Kim shuffled closer to me, staring at my hand on my neck. I closed my eyes, feeling burdensome. It wasn't fair that I was always going through something and Kim was always comforting me.

"It's nothing, so what's new with you," I asked, not wanting to talk about it. I wanted to be distracted and not deal with what happened earlier. "Let's talk about something else."

Kim stared at me, a small frown on her face. "I'm gonna let it go this once." She stated, stretching her legs out in front of her. "You know you can tell me anything right?"

I leaned my head on her shoulder, she was like the sister I'd always wanted. "I know Kim. I just haven't talked to you in forever and I want to know what's going on with you." Kim smiled, launching into a story about how Jared took her out to eat in Forks and how he had fallen into a pile of mud.

**11:53 a.m. Cafeteria, La Push High, La Push, Washington**

I sat in my usual seat, staring at Cody across the lunchroom. He laughed with his little group of friends and it was irritating me. I could faintly hear Kim grumbling about her test in her next hour. I tapped my nails on the table, catching Cody's gaze. I averted my eyes, feeling his glare on me. I could hear the blood rushing to my ears and I blocked out everything Kim was saying. I dropped my hand to my lap when he reached the table.

"Laryssa. Kim." Cody greeted sitting right beside me. He pulled his chair closer to mine and I wrinkled my nose at the smell. He placed his arm on the back of my chair when I didn't look at him. "Laryssa, don't think I forgot about our little talk."

I scoffed, shoving him away from me. I knew he wouldn't try anything with a room full of people. I turned in my chair knocking my knees against his leg, staring at him. I leaned towards him, "You're mistaking me." I glared at him, feeling fury run through my veins. I was tired of being a burden. I was tired of being shoved around by him. I was tired of feeling hurt by Alex. I was tired of being scared. I had reached my limit and if he pressed me any further I was going to blow. "I'm going to tell you this once, and I hope you can get it through your thick head." Cody scowled, his eyes flashing angrily. "If you ever bother me again, you will regret it."

Cody laughed sarcastically, grabbing my right wrist tightly, his nails digging in. I grabbed his hand digging my nails into the material of his tan long sleeve. "Your show of anger is laughable. I can do whatever the hell I want. If I want to mess with you, then I will. Your threat doesn't scare me."

I let his hand go, yanking my wrist from his grip. I stood up quickly letting my chair clatter against the floor as it fell. I narrowed my eyes at him, curling my hand into a fist. "That's the thing Rivers, I'm not scared of you. And it wasn't a threat." I said, aware of everyone's eyes on us. "It's a promise."

Cody gritted his teeth standing up, towering over me. I felt my blood run cold when he shoved me into the table, "You stupid bitch. Who the fuc-"

I cut him off, slamming my fist into his cheek, watching him go down. I shook my hand at the flair of pain, ignoring the excited shouts of the other kids. I could feel Kim yanking on my arm to get away from him, but I stayed staring down at him. Cody glared up at me, touching his split lip. "I'm a girl tired of your shit," I hissed, ignoring the others crowding around us. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alex moving to stand in between Cody and I. His back was turned towards me as she blocked me from Cody. I wanted to scoff at his show of trying to protect me.

"Ms. Chiago," Coach Mig yelled, pushing through the crowd, "What the hell is your problem?". He grabbed my arm tightly, helping Cody up from the floor. "You alright Rivers?"

I pulled myself from his grip, feeling Kim let go of me. "I can find my way to the principal's office without you touching me." I shoved my way through the crowd, ignoring the pats on the back and the glares. I stopped short seeing the librarian and I could see a look of understanding on her face. I blinked rapidly trying to clear the burn from my eyes. She walked towards me, putting her arm behind my back walking with me to the office. I stopped, staring at her as I pulled down my jacket showing her the marks on my neck and wrist. I didn't know what was going to happen, but I knew she would believe me regardless and that was okay with me. "He shouldn't have put his hands on me."

Her eyes softened, patting my back gently. "Let's get you to the nurse." I nodded, feeling hypersensitive to everything. I wanted it to stop.

**12:19 p.m. Nurses Office, La Push High, La Push, Washington**

I stared at the posters, ignoring Jennifer cleaning the small cut on my hand. I could feel Francis' eyes on me, but I couldn't bear to look at her. I heard the door open, I didn't dare look at whoever entered. "Laryssa?"

My eyes snapped to Kim holding my things. She set them on the chair moving to sit beside me. "You have to go back to class," Francis said, looking at Kim.

She ignored her, moving to kneel by my legs. "You okay?" I nodded at her, glancing at the elder librarian. Kim set her hand on my knees. "I-"

"I'm okay," I sent her a small smile, patting her hand. "Go take your test, I'll be okay. Thanks for bringing my things." Kim frowned standing up, pushing a chocolate bar into my palm. "Eat something, even if it's this." Kim sighed, hiking her bag on her shoulder, "I… text me if you need me."

I held the chocolate bar in my hand, watching her leave the small room. I looked down at the bar, realizing that it wasn't one of mine. I closed my eyes when I realized she must have kept one on her. "Your hand is going to be bruised. Anything else you want me to look at," Jennifer prompted, causing me to open my eyes, as she sat back on her heels.

I was about to tell her, no, but Francis beat me. "There are scratches on her neck." Jennifer nodded, moving to move my jacket. I shuffled away from her when she grabbed my jacket. I looked at the floor, pulling my jacket to the side when I realized she was trying to help. She frowned, leaning closer to them. "It's going to sting when I clean them."

The door opened and Mr. Peters walked in, shutting the door behind him. He let out a heavy sigh, staring at me with a look of indifference. I held his gaze, not daring to show the uncomfortable stinging that Jennifer was inflicting on my neck. "What happened?"

"I hit him for putting his hands on me," I said, trying to figure out what was going through his mind. He sat down in the chair, his tone accusing, "I wasn't able to get a hold of your parents. You're going to be suspended for three days and you must write an apology to Mr. Rivers. You know, I had half a mind to expel you, but your teachers spoke up for your character, so you are presented with one more chance.."

My character was being questioned because I threw the first punch. I laughed at him, seeing the shock filter through his face. "My mom's at work and my dad is dead," I answered, not really caring that I was suspended, but irritated that he had the audacity to try and come after my character. I had a spotless record, I always got along with my teachers and others. Cody got what he deserved and I wasn't going to apologize for it, it's not like they would've done anything if I would've told them. Since I didn't have a parent in my corner I had to defend myself. "It's funny that you want to expel me when he was the one that did this earlier this morning," I gestured to my neck. "Check your cameras in the math wing and you'll see what kind of person he is." I glared at him, "You wanna expel me for defending myself, get ready for a lawsuit on you. There were multiple teachers in that lunchroom and not one of them did anything when he shoved me or grabbed my wrist. I'm not going to apologize for defending myself against him. He shouldn't have touched me in the first place."

I breathed hard, wishing that I had my dad with me. Instead, I was alone, and my mother couldn't even bother to pick up her phone. I froze when the door opened and Sue walked in. I batted Jennifer's hands away, rushing to hug her. Sue hugged me tightly, "Seth and Jay messaged me and I came right away. What's going on?"

"Who are you," Mr. Peters asked, standing up.

"Sue Clearwater," Her voice sounded tight as she addressed him. "I'm on the school board, we met last Tuesday." I pulled away from her. "I'm Laryssa's aunt," She lied, frowning at him.

"I'm sorry. It's been a long day," His voice changed into one more at ease. "I was trying to understand what caused Laryssa to hit another student."

Sue looked down at me, her eyebrows creasing in worry. I scoffed at the man, "Liar," I huffed turning to face him. How dare he try to play that he wasn't just shaming me. "Don't change your tune because my fami-"

"Laryssa," Francis held her hand up, shaking her head lightly. "Doulas," She chided, crossing her arms. "This is unbecoming of you, maybe I should have a word with the superintendent about this incident." He pinched the bridge of his nose, "Let the three of us have a word outside."

"I will talk to Laryssa first," Sue stated, setting her hands on my upper arms. Francis nodded, ushering the others out. I sat down on the bed when they left, setting my head in my hands. I felt Sue sit next to me, setting her arm around my back rubbing it soothingly.

She waited patiently until I was ready to talk. "He put his hand around my throat this morning. Then he came to the lunch table and I told him that if he bothered me he was going to regret it. He said he can do whatever he wants and he's not scared of my threats. Then I said it wasn't a threat but a promise and then he called me a stupid bitch, so I hit him. He's always picked on me and I can't take it anymore."

Sue nodded, moving my hair staring at the scratches. She grabbed the rest of Jennifer's supplies, recleaning my neck. She rested her hand on my cheek, "Leave the rest to me."

"I just want to go home," I let my shoulders drop, wishing that I could shut myself in my art room.

"Soon, trust me," Sue got up heading towards the door.

**1:03 p.m. Nurses Office, La Push High, La Push, Washington**

"You're suspended for one day, so you have a three day weekend. You don't have to apologize and he is being expelled," Sue said, holding my bag. "C'mon, let's get you home."

I stood grabbing my bag, walking by her side keeping my eyes on my feet. I rummaged through my bag getting my keys out. "Thank you for coming. I appreciate it."

"I'm always going to be here for you," Sue set her hand on my shoulder, stopping me. She lifted my head up, "Hold your head up, you defended yourself against a horrible kid and the principle. I'm sorry that you had to, but don't be ashamed of what you did." I stared at her, wishing I didn't feel the way I did. "Your dad would be proud."

I missed him now more than ever. "I'm going to go home. I hate to ask you, but will you pick up Jay?"

"Yes. I'll talk to him," Sue pulled me into a hug, rubbing the back of my head. "I'll bring you some food, so don't bother cooking. Call if you need anything." I let her go, walking over to my car ignoring the rain. I set my stuff in the back getting in. I held the steering wheel, turning the car on and backing out of the school. Once I was far away I let my tears fall.

**1:39 p.m. Driveway of Chiago House, La Push High, La Push, Washington**

I stared at the house, turning off the car. Slowly I got off, feeling the cold rain soak into my clothes. I made my way up the steps, turning when I heard tires meeting the gravel. I let out a breath when the truck came to a screeching halt and Paul jumped out not bothering to turn it off or close his door. I stood frozen when he ran towards me. I took a few steps towards him before I broke out into a sprint. He caught me, holding me close to his chest. I grabbed him burying my face into him. "I've got you," I heard him murmur. "Let's get you out of the rain."

"How-," I pulled back, feeling tears mix with the rain. He stared down at me, his eyes connecting with my neck. I felt him start to tremble as he took a step back. "Paul?" His fingers trailed up to my neck still vibrating, a furious look crossing his face. "Rivers?" I nodded, holding my arms closer to my body. "Laryssa, I need you to go inside." I stared at him confused. "Baby… please." I stepped back when his voice came out strained.

I shook myself out of my confusion, turning on my heel to rush up the stairs. I glanced back seeing him running off into the woods. "What is going on," I asked, holding my arms closer to my chest going to let myself in the house. I turned back to my car, hearing Paul's truck still running. I bit my lip, running back out into the rain to get his keys. I turned off his truck, slamming the door turning around seeing a flash of silver in the woods. I squinted, taking a step closer trying to figure out if I was seeing things. I rubbed my eyes, freezing when I saw a dark figure slink through the woods where Paul had run off too.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Edited on May 28, 2020.


	13. In Your Arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe and happy! Thank you to those who have favored, followed, and reviewed you are my inspiration and I appreciate each and every one of you! I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. I hope you guys liked Chapter 11. I'm a bit nervous for you to read Chapter 12. Also, I just got word today that I'm going to go back to work next week. I don't think that it will interfere with my writing, and I still plan on having this as my priority. Sorry for the late update! But, nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> I have posted Scarred Angel on Fanfiction, Tumblr, and Archive of our own as well. Enjoy!
> 
> Always and Forever,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, bullying, physical abuse, anger issues, stress, emotional abuse, and negative thoughts.
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 12: In Your Arms

" **The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only."**

― **Victor Hugo, Les Misérables**

**Continued: I rubbed my eyes, freezing when I saw a dark figure slink through the woods where Paul had run off too.**

I took another step forward ready to race into the woods to make sure Paul was alright. "Laryssa!" I turned to see Jared jogging towards me shirtless. "What are you doing in the rain crazy girl?" He set his hand on my shoulder, lightly pushing me towards the shelter of the porch. I wanted to fight against his hand, and chase after Paul. Once we were out of the rain he turned to me, sending me a small unsure smile. Jared glanced down at me shaking his head, flinging water at me. I wiped my

face, pulling out my keys to unlock the house. I inhaled sharply when my hands kept shaking. "Paul ran into the woods," I mumbled out, watching Jared's hand reach over mine, taking the keys from my hand. He inserted the key, opening the door. "Thank you," I whispered, walking in the house ignoring the chill.

"He's fine, don't worry." Jared tried to ease my worries. But that didn't stop me from looking out the living room window, to try and get a glimpse of him. I sighed, knowing that Jared knew him better than I did.

I walked to the linen closet, pulling out two towels so we could dry ourselves off. I pulled the smaller one over my shoulders, taking the other to Jared. He was still standing outside staring at the trees. "Jared?" He turned, his eyes focusing on my neck. I turned my head so he didn't see the marks as I held out the towel for him to take. "I have a pair of Paul's sweats. They seem about your size."

"I'm going to wait here for Paul, don't worry about me," Jared said, taking the towel and drying his face. I could see him focus back on the trees.

I nodded unable to meet his gaze. "Make yourself at home. There's food in the fridge, help yourself. If you wanna change into something warm, Paul's sweats are in the laundry room folded on the washer." I rubbed my hair absentmindedly, unsure if I should stay or go. I didn't want to be alone, but I didn't know Jared enough to know if he would be okay with me hanging around. "I'm going to be in my room." I left him standing on the porch, making my way to my room. I closed my door, peeling my wet clothes off so I didn't get sick. I picked up the shirt that Paul had given me, pulling it on inhaling his scent. I frowned when I realized mine was mixed with his. I dropped the shirt wishing it didn't smell so much like me, rummaging through my drawers for some leggings. I pulled out my dark fleece leggings, putting them on rubbing my hands over my thighs trying to warm my hands. I debated on whether or not to tie my hair up. I looked in the mirror seeing the ugly scratches on my skin. I left my hair down, hiding the marks. I kneeled reaching into my bottom drawer, pulling out a small purple bottle of pills. I opened it taking out one of the melatonin pills, swallowing it dry. I trailed over to my bed, pulling back my covers laying down wishing the pill took effect immediately so I could sleep away the rest of today. I pulled my blankets closer to my chest, staring up at the constellations. I turned, feeling a sharp pang in my chest at the memory of my dad and me, putting them up. I remembered him falling off the ladder and onto my bed, laughing loudly. The stupid memory made everything all too real. I was utterly alone and I was a fool to believe I could help raise Jay. I couldn't even take care of myself. The marks on my neck were enough validation of that. "Dad… Mom," I murmured pushing my face into my pillow, so I hid my sobs. "I need you."

**2:46 p.m. Driveway of Chiago House, La Push, Washington**

Paul moved towards the house, seeing Jared standing under the porch watching him with anxious eyes. He jogged up the steps taking the towel from his outstretched hand. He used it to wipe his face from the rain, staring at Jared, anger still clouding his mind. "How is she?"

He breathed in deeply knowing that he just calmed himself down and he couldn't work himself back up. She needed him and he was going to be there for her. Jared set his hand on his shoulder, a frown overtaking his face. "I heard her crying for her parents. She fell asleep fifteen minutes ago. You good?"

Paul knew that Jared was asking if he was in control. Part of him was and part of him wasn't. He wanted to know exactly what happened and who dared to put their hands on her. He had an idea, but he wanted to be sure. "No, I-" He took a deep breath trying to stop the rush of anger.

"I can't even begin to imagine what your feeling. It might help if you see her," Jared said, picking up the spare bag next to his feet. He handed it to Paul, "Change and go to her."

"I'm not in control," Paul admitted, the last thing he wanted was to hurt her or cause her even more pain.

"I'm right here," Jared set his hand on his shoulder. "I'll be right outside her door." He closed his eyes, trusting Jared to keep him from causing her harm. "Trust yourself." He let out a shuttered breath, nodding to his brother. Paul grabbed the bag, heading into her house. He rushed into the restroom changing out of his wet clothes, tossing them in the bag. He opened the door, handing the bag to Jared. Jared took it following him to the closed door. "It will be alight Paul."

He pushed open her door slowly seeing her curled into her pillow. Paul moved towards her silently, sitting beside her bed. Paul rested his hand on top of hers, frowning when he felt how cold she was. He pulled her blanket up, covering their hands, frowning when he noticed her wet hair. "You can go," Paul murmured, keeping his eyes on her. He felt calm as soon as he had touched her skin. Jared didn't bother to ask him if he was sure. He could hear him pulling out one of the kitchen chairs, and how it creaked under his weight. "I'm sorry I left. I didn't want to hurt you," Paul rested his head on her bed, unable to keep his eyes off of her. He couldn't see the scratches and maybe it was a good thing. "I'm here now, Laryssa, and I'm not going anywhere."

**11:43 p.m. Inside Chiago House, La Push, Washington**

I shifted feeling hot at all of the blankets piled on top of me. Slowly I opened my eyes, glancing at the alarm clock next to my bed. Pushing my head back into my pillow with a quiet groan when I realized I didn't sleep the rest of the day away and I was only shy of seventeen minutes. Just my freaking luck.

I turned to my other side, freezing when I heard a snore. I sat up immediately reaching over to turn on the lamp beside my bed. There wasn't a need for Jay to sleep on my floor, I was alright. I shut my eyes quickly when the light flooded the room. Blinking a few times, I faltered seeing Paul's face instead of my brothers, resting on his arm propped on the edge of my bed. "What are you doing," I whispered, as I reached over stroking his cheek without thinking. His eyes shot open startling me, so I jerked back almost falling off my bed. Paul lunged grabbing my shirt so I didn't tumble off the bed. I knocked my nose against his face, steadying myself on his shoulders. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"Baby," Paul sighed, quickly pulling me into his arms. I tensed before I relaxed in his warm embrace. I wrapped my arms around him loosely, inhaling his calming woodsy scent. His hand rested on the back of my head as he kept me to him. "I'm sorry."

I pulled back so I could look at him. I didn't understand why he was apologizing or why he was still with me. "There isn't a need for your-"

"I left you and -"

I put my hand on his mouth stopping the rest of his unnecessary apology, resting my forehead against his. "You didn't do anything wrong." I let my hand drop, running my hand through my hair moving it away from my face. "Are you okay?"

"You're asking me that," He murmured skeptically, brushing my hair away from my neck staring at the scratches. "Will you tell me what happened?"

I looked down at my lap covering the scratches with my hair, wanting to know what happened with him before I went into what happened with me. "You ran into the woods and I saw a shadow, I just wanted to make sure you are okay."

Paul's hand cupped my cheek, pulling my face up so I could look into his eyes. "I saw your neck, I couldn't control my anger and I didn't want you to see that. So I had to clear my head."

His fingers trailed to my neck and I flinched away, closing my eyes. "I'm sorry I-"

"Don't apologize, Laryssa, I understand." My eyes shot open to stare at him. "I should've asked," His voice sounded calm, but his eyes told a different story. It was like a tiny string held the gates together and I didn't want to be the one to break it. Every so often I would feel his hand on my back shake and I had come to know him enough to recognize the shake of his hand was a sign that he was on edge. "I'm okay, I'm just worried about you and I couldn't just leave you."

I let out a shaky breath, knowing that he wasn't going to hurt me. He was probably one of the last people that would hurt me. "Cody, he put his hand around my throat this morning and I kneed him to get away." I watched him seeing anger flash across his face. "Then he came to the lunch table and I told him that if he bothered me he was going to regret it. He said he can do whatever he wants and he's not scared of my threats." I flexed my hand feeling the slight soreness in my knuckles. "So, I said it wasn't a threat but a promise and he called me a stupid bitch, so I punched him." I glanced at my knuckles, wincing slightly. I knew I punched right since I remembered not to tuck my thumb, and I didn't expect my hand to bruise.

"He's not ever gonna get near you again," He growled out, his gaze shot down to my hand, picking it up gently. "He's going to regret ever breathing near you," He examined it closely, brushing his fingers against my knuckles. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me."

I felt his body start to shake and I pulled his face so that he was looking at me. He refused to meet my gaze and I wasn't having it. I didn't want him to feel the need to apologize for something that wasn't his fault. "Paul, look at me." I pulled my hand from his grasp, holding his face tightly in my hands. "Look. At. Me." His eyes flashed to mine and I saw that the tiny string had broken and everything he was feeling rose to the surface. I shoved my guilt to the side focusing on him, "The only person to blame is Cody Rivers. Just him." I stared at him brushing my fingers against his cheeks. "I'm not saying that the anger you feel is invalid, but please don't apologize." I sighed feeling his shaking start to subside. "You did nothing wrong." I pushed my forehead against his, keeping his eyes, "You have _always_ been there for me. Even when you hardly knew me." I pulled back keeping his face in my hands and I felt warmth rush through my body when I realized that he stayed even though he didn't have too. "I need you right now and here you are." I felt his arms wrap around my back. "I took care of him."

"Can I," He asked, his eyes darting to my neck. I hesitated before I let his face go. Slowly I gathered my tangled hair, pulling it away from the scratches. Even though I said the only person to blame was Cody, I was part of the blame. I should've done something earlier so it didn't come to this. Paul kept his eyes on me, as his hand trailed up to my neck. I clenched my teeth when I felt his fingers on the marks. "Do you want me to stop?" I closed my eyes, shaking my head. I trusted him and I didn't like that I was associating him with Cody. He wasn't Cody. His fingers trailed up to cup my cheek. "C'mere." I rested on his shoulder, curling myself closer to him.

"Is your dad gonna be upset since you didn't go home," I questioned after I saw the clock change to 12:06. I didn't want him to get in trouble, and I didn't want him to leave either. Paul shifted on my bed so that we were lying facing each other. My eyes trailed up to his hair, seeing a small twig in his hair. I didn't know how I missed it earlier. I reached out, plucking it out of his hair, setting it on the nightstand behind me.

"No, he's still in Seattle," Paul set his hand on my hair, his fingers lightly scratching my scalp.

I moved closer to him, tentatively setting my hand on his side. "Will…" I grimaced hating that I couldn't ask him five simple words. I glanced behind him trying to raise the courage to ask him to stay with me. He already stayed with me for this long, what was a few more hours. Except he had school tomorrow and I didn't. "Will you stay with me," I whispered, hating that I was being too selfish. I didn't want to be alone and that was overtaking the thought of him needing to go to school. I closed my eyes gritting my teeth, I would be okay by myself. "Neverm-"

"I wasn't planning on going anywhere," Paul said, causing my eyes to shoot open. I stared at him, feeling his hand trail to my cheek. "You seemed shocked. Is it alright that I stayed?"

"Of course. I just… I know you have school tomorrow and I-" I struggled to get my thoughts out, feeling overwhelmed by the sudden rush of heartwarming emotions.

"I'm not going to go anywhere," Paul moved to press a kiss to my forehead, his hand pressing against my lower back. "As for school. I'd much rather stay with you."

I moved closer to him, lifting my head when he put his arm down. I rested my cheek on his bicep, feeling how warm he was. "You can't just miss school for that. I don't want to be a reason for why you aren't going." I closed my eyes when I felt his fingers run up and down on my back. He was so warm I just wanted to go to sleep. But if I went to sleep then he wouldn't go to school, which didn't seem like a bad thing. I opened my eyes, tilting my head back to look at him. "I feel like you're trying to put me to sleep."

He hummed, a small smile making its way onto his face. "Is it working babe?" I smiled back, pushing my hand against his chest. "It's just one day."

"Mhm," I let my head rest against his arm again and I put my hand on his cheek. I couldn't get enough of the skin to skin contact and I hoped that he wasn't bothered by it. "Does this bother you?" I asked, letting my thumb, stroke his cheek. I wanted to know. Paul quirked an eyebrow moving closer. "When I touch you constantly?" I clarified, my eyes feeling droopy again, I didn't realize that I was still tired.

"No, it feels nice," Paul said, yawning. I peered at the circles under his eyes, the guilt starting to chip away at me for keeping him awake. Maybe it wasn't a bad idea if he stayed with me. I could make sure that he slept. "Does it bother you?"

"No, it brings me comfort when I'm in your arms," I answered quickly, moving my hand from his cheek to trace his back like I had done when I had taken a nap with him. "Get some sleep babe," The word felt awkward on my tongue, but it was worth it when I saw his grin.

"Does that mean I can stay with you tomorrow," Paul pulled me so that I was flush against him. I relaxed into his hold, burrowing closer to him, smiling in content at how soft his shirt was. I sighed wondering if I should just back down and stick to my guns. "Laryssa, it's one day. Baby please." I already knew that I was a pushover, but for this man I was puddy. With the pet names and the soft touches, I was a goner.

"This once?" I asked, letting what was left of my resolve crumble.

"Yes," He confirmed, with another kiss to my forehead. Before he started moving, untangling himself from me. I grabbed his hand to stop him as he started getting up like he was going to leave. "I'm not going anywhere. It's just hot." I averted my eyes when he pulled off his shirt quickly. I fought with the blush that warmed my cheeks when he got back on my bed. I knew deep down that he wanted to see me blush and part of me didn't want him to stop trying to make me blush. I peeked at him from under my lashes seeing him grinning at me. "Like what you see?"

I rolled my eyes at him, knowing damn well that he knew I did. "Yeah," I grinned, tugging him on the bed. "You tease me too much." I laughed when he laid me back hovering over me. I reached up playing with the back of his hair. "You need to sleep."

Paul leaned down pushing his lips to mine. I closed my eyes, holding him close to me. I didn't have any doubts about him caring about me. He stayed with me even while I slept, comforted me when I had doubts, he held me close when I was scared, and he made me smile when I was down. I pulled away, staring up at him feeling my heart swell in my chest. How did I manage to get lucky to have someone like him wanting to be with me?

"I'm not tired," He looked as if he caught his second wind from a simple kiss. I narrowed my eyes at him, a small grin made its way onto his face. "You slept for a while and you're not tired?"

I felt more awake after his lips touched mine, but I wasn't going to budge on him going to sleep. "You're not gonna get me to budge, even if I really like kissing you." I wished that I could've taken my words back as soon as I had said them to him when I saw his smirk. He leaned down again and I laughed, turning my head so his lips connected with my cheek. "Not gonna happen," I closed my eyes feeling his lips trail down to my neck. I shivered holding onto my willpower, feeling his smirk. "Paul, you need sleep."

Paul moved back up staring back at me, leaning down to brush his nose against mine. "I want you to know that yesterday, will never happen again. I will never let anyone hurt you ever again." I blinked rapidly feeling tears well up in my eyes. I pulled him down to me, taking his weight until he maneuvered us so that way I was laying on him. "I could've crushed you."

"You don't have to protect me," I sat up, staring down at him, ignoring his comment about crushing me.

Paul sat up quickly, "Laryssa I have no doubt that you can protect yourself." He pulled my hand up, kissing my knuckles. "Just think of me as extra muscle."

I sent him a small smile, "I'd rather think of you as my boyfriend."

"That too," Paul's hand trailed against my back. "But I mean every word I said. I've got you."

I stared at him seeing him stare at me with his beautiful brown eyes. "I know," I put my hand against his heart. "Just so you know, I've got you too," I leaned forward, kissing both of his cheeks softly, "Let's go to sleep."

Paul huffed, leaning back taking me with him. "Why do you always try and get me to go to sleep?" I shifted off of him, tucking myself into his side. For some reason, he didn't seem to want to go to sleep. "I sleep a lot."

"I don't believe you." I yawned tracing figure eights into his skin. "You have bags under your eyes, and you yawn a lot." Paul turned to squeeze my side playfully as he tossed his arm over me. "Sweet dreams."

"Sweet dreams Laryssa," He pulled me tighter, burying his face into my hair. I smiled into his chest, feeling his warmth cocoon me into sleep.

* * *

**Let me know what you guys think!**

**Edited on June 5, 2020.**


	14. Who I Am Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,  
> I hope everyone is staying safe and happy! Thank you to those who have favored, followed, and reviewed you are my inspiration and I appreciate each and every one of you! I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. I hope you guys liked Chapter 12. Here’s Chapter 13. I just have a little information for you guys. I quit my job and I’m stressed out and I think my writing is suffering so please send some good vibes my way! I am going to try my best to not let it interfere with my writing. I still plan on having this as my priority. But, nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it!  
> I have posted Scarred Angel on Fanfiction, Tumblr, and Archive of our own as well. Enjoy!  
> Always and Forever,  
> Ari.  
> Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, bullying, physical abuse, alcohol abuse, anger issues, stress, emotional abuse, and negative thoughts.  
> Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 13:Who I Am Now

“Being with you never felt wrong. It's the one thing I did right. You're the one thing I did right.”

―  **Becca Fitzpatrick, Crescendo**

**9:46 a.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington**

I grinned at the overcooked yellowish-brown scrambled eggs in front of me tossing my phone to the side. It was sweet that he was cooking for me and I hadn’t expected to be served breakfast in bed. “You didn’t have too,” I murmured, eagerly stabbing my fork into the eggs, taking a bite. I froze biting into a shell, sending him a shy smile as I tried not to show the panic on my face. If I spit it out then I risked hurting his feelings. I swallowed it quickly, taking a sip of the orange juice to wash it down. I was grateful for the food, I just wasn’t sure if I could eat the rest of the eggs. 

“It tastes bad right,” Paul sighed, wincing at the eggs. I was about to tell him that it wasn’t bad as he reached over me taking my fork and scooping some of the eggs onto it, shoveling it in his mouth before I could stop him. I watched his face contort into disgust as he took the paper towel and spit it out a frown overtaking his face. I wanted to trail my fingers against his cheek to see him smile. “Why did you swallow that? It had shells.”

“This was really sweet,” I said, setting the tray off to the side, reaching out to take the fork from his hand. “You cooked for me.” I could feel my heart thumping wildly in my chest. I set it back on the tray, moving to get up so my cheeks didn’t flush from the kind gesture. Paul’s hands rushed to try and help but I brushed them away because I wasn’t injured physically and there wasn’t a need to coddle me. “But, we can’t eat that.” Paul pursed his lips, staring down at me the frown still on his face. I reached over taking his hand, pulling him to me trying my best to ease the frown. “You’re amazing and the sweetest,” I said, balancing on my toes pressing a tentative kiss to his cheek. “Why don’t we make breakfast together,” I hummed, tugging him towards the door, grinning internally at the smile that broke out across his face.  _ Mission accomplished.  _ He paused, letting go of my hand getting the tray taking my hand again.

Paul followed me out of my room, and into the kitchen. I let go of his hand, tying my hair up into a bun. I glanced back at Paul, seeing his eyes trail to my neck. I turned my head, so the marks weren’t in his line of sight. “Laryssa?” I tilted my head to signal that I heard him as I busied myself with gathering the ingredients. For some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to turn and face him. It felt different with him seeing them in the morning light than it did with the small lamp from my room. Warm hands settled around my stomach and I felt him bend down setting his chin on my shoulder. His warmth and his woodsy scent encased me, causing me to let my body relax into his arms. “I didn’t mean to stare.”

I rested my hands on top of his arms, stroking my thumbs against his warm skin. “I know. I just-” I paused unsure how I really felt. I knew for sure that I didn’t like them. I was embarrassed that they marred my skin and I should’ve done more to stop it. It should’ve never gotten to that point. I didn’t want to think about Rivers, yet every time I saw my reflection or there was attention drawn to my neck my mind flashed to him. “I don’t want to even think about Rivers.” 

“Okay,” Paul said, his arms tightening around me and I felt like no one would hurt me ever again. I couldn’t wrap my head around the sudden thought of him being my comfort and I was terrified about what that could entail. “No talk about Rivers. Unless you want too.” I turned in his arms, hooking my arms around his neck, shoving my thoughts to the backburner. Paul leaned down, rubbing his nose against mine affectionately.

“Thank you,” I said, biting my lip, trying to contain my grin at the tickling sensation. “What does that mean?” Paul looked at me, his eyebrows scrunching in confusion. “This,” gently I pulled him down towards me, brushing my nose against his mirroring his action.

I grinned widely when I noticed his cheeks start to flush pink. Before I could stop my hands, I cupped his cheeks, peering at him closer shocked at the sudden color. “Babe,” He whined trying to hide his face from me. I let my hands drop, keeping my triumphant smile on my face. I understood why he was so adamant about making me blush, the light blink that was covering his cheeks was endearing and I wanted to see more of it. I laughed when he buried his face in my neck muttering to himself. 

I couldn’t hear his muffled words. “I didn’t hear you,” I teased, scratching the back of his head. I could feel his warm breath and his wide grin on my neck. “I know why you like to make me blush now.” I shivered when he brushed his lips against the right side of my neck lightly. Paul kissed my jaw, trailing up towards my lips. I smiled against his mouth, wanting to tug him closer to me, “distracting me won’t help.” It was a downright lie, but he didn’t know that, not yet at least. 

Paul pressed a quick kiss to my lips before he pulled away. “I didn’t think you would notice that I did that.” 

I stared up at him, rubbing the back of his neck not wanting him to feel pressured. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” I was sure that he would tell me in his own time.

He grinned at me, his hands running up and down my sides softly. “No, I want to. You just caught me off guard Laryssa.” Paul leaned down towards me, pressing his forehead against mine, his eyes held mine. I stared into his deep brown eyes and my heart started to beat wildly when I realized how he stared at me. He always gave me his full attention and his eyes gained a soft look. “This,” he brushed his nose against mine again, “is what my parents used to do when they were together. You reminded me about that when I drove you home from school. I guess it’s comforting for me.” I watched as his cheeks colored more, but he didn’t shy away from me as I would’ve if I were in his shoes. “I wasn’t sure if you were comfortable with me kissing you, so I thought I could show you affection this way too.”

I could feel my heart swell at his words. Gently I pulled him towards me, kissing his forehead, the tip of his nose, both of his cheeks and pressing a light kiss to his lips. I wanted to show him that I was comfortable with kissing. Then I brushed my nose against his, “Just so you know, I am comfortable with you. I would tell you if I wasn’t but I think I have been comfortable with you since you hid me from Alex.” He smiled pulling me impossibly closer to him. “I didn’t think that I could make you blush.” Paul laughed, knocking his head against mine, squeezing my waist playfully. I laughed when I heard his stomach grumble. “C’mon let’s make some breakfast.”

“I still can’t believe you swallowed that,” Paul said with a huff, pressing kisses all over my face. I giggled, relishing in his affection. “After this, do you have any plans for today?” Before I turned he rubbed his nose against mine, pressing a quick kiss to my lips. My breath hitched before a pleased smile made its way onto my face. “What can I do to help?” I turned on the back burner, tossing four sausages patties into the pan.

“Put the bread in the toaster, please.” I heated another pan before I started cracking eggs into the bowl, “No plans.” I added after I poured a little bit of milk into the bowl whisking the eggs. “Did you have something in mind?” I put some butter into the pan, letting it melt before I put the eggs in. 

“Yeah, but if you want to stay at home, we can do that too.” His arms hooked around my waist again, peering over my shoulder at the eggs. “Why did you add milk?”

“Something I saw my mom do,” I smiled, moving them around in the pan like how she used too. He let me go, putting the egg carton and milk back in the fridge, tossing the sausage wrapper in the trash. Paul pulled out two plates, setting the toast on one of the plates, buttering them, while I focused on flipping the sausage and cooking the eggs. I glanced at him, smiling at how focused he was on buttering the toast. I was starting to get used to the bubble of intimacy he provided. If someone had told me that one day Paul Lahote would be in my house, cooking breakfast with me I wouldn’t have believed them. I moved beside him, placing the food on the plates. “See how fluffy the eggs are.”

**10:46 a.m. First Beach, La Push, Washington**

I leaned against Paul, watching the waves crash against the sand. It was almost peaceful. No one was here. I closed my eyes, resting my head on his shoulder feeling his chest rise and fall steadily. I could feel how tense he was. I tugged on the material covering my neck adjusting it. “I can feel the questions swirling around us.” It was like we were in a bubble and multiple unsaid questions were bouncing around us.

“What,” Paul laughed, his arms tightening around my stomach, his fingers tracing shapes onto my side. 

I opened my eyes, tilting my head to stare up at him. “Ever since I covered them, you’re tense,” I sighed, rubbing his arms gently. His eyes darted to my neck before they flashed back to mine. “Tell me what’s on your mind.” He tensed again, “please,” I added. I didn’t want to push him, he hadn’t pushed me and I had no right to push him.

I heard his breath hitch, “Laryssa,” His tone told me that he was on the verge of anger. “I’m fine.” 

I had told myself that so many times. Each time that I did, I was far from fine. “But you’re not.” I looked down at his arms and how my hands were rubbing his arms. “Something shifted, you’re holding me tighter. Your body is on edge,” He sighed, leaning over me resting his head on my shoulder. “You can talk to me.”

“I can’t. Not about this,” Paul said, sitting upright and I let my hands drop from his arms. “You’ve been through a lot yesterday and I don’t want to burden you with my anger.” 

I couldn’t help the anger that flashed through my body. I was tired of people protecting me. I got up turning to stare down at him. I may not have been in serious relationships or any relationships for that matter, I just knew that this wasn’t how I wanted things to be between us. I didn’t want to be the one who released all of my baggage on him, and he took everything while I destroyed him. “Burden? You are far from being a burden to me.”

Paul looked up at me, his eyes scanning my face. He leaned his arms on his knees, turning back to the water. “You don’t need to know Laryssa.”

“Am I so fragile that people can’t come to me,” I asked, glaring at the sand at my feet. “Do they think that I’ll break? Do  _ you _ think that I will?”

“Laryssa,” Paul started, getting up from the sand. He took a step towards me, and I took one back. I couldn’t think straight when he touched me and I saw the hurt flash across his face. “I just-” He cut himself off, rubbing the back of his neck roughly. 

“You don’t want to push me and I don’t want to push you,” I ran my fingers through my hair, tying it up quickly. He told me that I could ask him anything, without judgment and I wanted him to know that he could do the same. I didn’t want him to think that I could spiral off the deep end. “I don’t want to argue. I just don’t want this to be a one-way street. You can come to me.” 

“Hey, it’s going to be us against the problem, not me against you,” Paul said and my eyes darted to his face. I nodded, rubbing my arms against the sudden chill. “Are you cold?” He took a hesitant step forward and when I didn’t step back, he moved towards me, setting his hands on my arms, rubbing them gently. 

“I want to know what’s bothering you. Just like how you’ve got me, I’ve got you too,” I shivered, holding eye contact with him. “If you don’t want to tell me, I understand. Yo-You can lean on me.” Paul nodded, pulling me into his arms. “I want you to know that.”

“You went through something traumatic yesterday. Cody… He put his hands on you and hurt you. I don’t think that was the first time. Embry mentioned that when you ran into him, you looked frightened and how you had nail marks on your wrist,” Paul drew back and took my wrist that Cody had grabbed multiple times in the past few years. “I know you wouldn’t do that to yourself,” I looked down at his fingers trailing over my skin. “You have a habit of digging your nails into your palms, not here. Laryssa, I’m not ready to put what I’m feeling on you. I know that I can come to you, but I can’t with this. At least not right now.” 

I blinked rapidly, my mind flashing to every time Cody grabbed me or belittled me. “You’ll talk to someone?” My voice came out shaky. I understood why he didn’t want to. If I put myself in his position, I would do the same thing. 

“Yeah,” His hand rubbed my spine, “Jared and Sam.” I nodded, resting my face on his chest. “Laryssa?” I hummed, listening to the oceans calming sounds. “Will you look at me?” I leaned back slightly, glancing up at him. “I told you earlier this morning, I will never let anyone hurt you ever again and I mean that.” 

“Extra muscle,” I asked, trying to lighten the mood. 

Paul laughed, knocking his head against mine to brush his nose against mine. “As your boyfriend.”

I smiled at him, wrapping my arms around him pulling him into me. “That too.” Paul rolled his eyes at me, shaking his head. His eyes told me that even though we were joking, he was serious about what he said. “As far as I’m concerned what happened is in the past. I won’t have to deal with him but I’m going to reach out to my old therapist.” 

“Therapy,” Paul questioned, a small frown on his face.

“Not a fan?” I hadn’t been a fan of seeing therapists at first, in fact, I had despised the idea altogether. I had gone through four women before Garcia finally helped me breakthrough my shell. 

“No not really,” Paul shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. “Bad experience when I was younger.” I understood what he was saying, one of the first women that I had seen made me feel so uncomfortable I almost didn’t go back to therapy at all. Paul sat back down, pulling me down so that I was resting against him. His arms wrapped around me, drawing me tightly to his chest. “Does… does it help?”

“The first three times I tried, no. But the fourth, it did. Sometimes you just have to find the right person,” I intertwined our hands, closing my eyes. “The woman I saw, her name was Annabelle Garcia. She liked to be called Garcia, and she helped me through one of the darkest times in my life.” I smiled at the memory of the woman with salt and pepper hair and warm green eyes. “Anyway, it feels so serene here.” 

“It does,” Paul murmured. He shifted, pressing a quick kiss to the side of my head. “So, Sam and Emily are having a bonfire tomorrow night. Wanna go?”

“Yeah, Jared and Kim-” I jerked out of his embrace, fumbling with my phone when I finally remembered I didn’t text Kim back this morning.  _ Shit. Shit. Shit. Kim was going to kill me.  _

“Babe,” Paul asked, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. I pulled up Kim’s contact, knowing that she was at lunch. 

I smiled shyly at Paul as I listened to the line click over. “OH MY GOD! LARYSSA!”

I winced at her screech, holding the phone away from my ear. I listened to her shout question after question not bothering to take a breath, “Kim… Kim… KIM!” She went silent on the other line. “I’m okay,” I breathed tugging on my right earlobe, moving to stand. “I guess I wanted to punch Cody, instead of smacking him.” I smiled when I heard her snort out a laugh. “How bad is it?”

“No one is talking. We shut that shit down,” Kim murmured, and I could only imagine the look of satisfaction she held on her face. It was weird to hear her curse. “I’m keeping an eye on Jay and he seems okay. A little withdrawn. Alex tried to speak with him this morning, but Jared intervened.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. This wouldn’t have happened if Alex would’ve just left me alone. “Laryssa?”

“I’m here,” I gritted my teeth walking away from Paul. As much as I wanted to place the whole blame on Alex, part of what happened was on me. I should’ve never let Cody put his hands on me for so long. I could hear her unanswered question, “I’m just frustrated.”

“We are having a girls’ night,  _ tonight _ . So you can get some normalcy,” The tension from my shoulders eased. “That means we are going to gorge ourselves on junk food, watch some rom-com or comedy, and no boys allowed. Well besides your brother.”

“I’ll get the junk food,” I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face. 

“I know Paul’s with you and he’ll eat it. I’ll get it,” Kim laughed, and I could hear Jared on the other end asking for some brownies. “Lunch is almost over. I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Okay,” I said, handing up the phone. I quieted the stress, sending a silent prayer for my dad to let the drama settle for a while. I was starting to get tired of handling everything. I was at my limit and I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. I shook my head at my thoughts, I couldn’t go down that path.

“Laryssa,” Paul said softly, his warm hand resting on my shoulder. “Everything okay?” I nodded, taking his hand in mine. I eyed the cloudy sky, knowing that it was going to start sprinkling soon. I needed to speak to Garcia soon. “Laryssa?”

I turned facing him, holding onto his hand still. I felt the first sign of the rain when the cool drop dripped on my cheek. “Kim and I are going to have a girl’s night tonight.” I tilted my face up, letting the small drops of water splash against my cheeks. Involuntarily I let my eyes drift close, the conversation with Kim made me feel drained. I wanted to sleep, preferably not alone, I just couldn’t find it in myself to ask him to take a nap with me. “Do you have to work tonight?”

“Not until Monday,” I shivered in content when I felt his warmth encase me. I inhaled deeply when his woodsy scent filled my nostrils. “So does this girl’s night mean no guys?” He sounded like he was whining.

“Afraid so,” I smiled into his gray shirt, wrapping my arms around his waist tightly. We stayed like that for a few moments before I felt my eyes start to get heavy. I fought against it, trying my best to seek out the cool air instead of his warmth. “Can you take me home?” I listened to his heartbeat, the calming rhythm was starting to soothe my anxiety.

“Yeah, baby,” Paul kissed the top of my head, “are you tired?” I nodded, keeping my arm around his waist when he started guiding me back to his truck. “Laryssa?” I hummed in acknowledgment, yawning before I glanced up at him. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m frustrated and tired.” I rubbed my hand over my face, feeling the drowsiness still trying to take hold. I wasn’t sure if I should tell him what I truly felt. “After I hit Cody, Alex put himself in front of me. I don’t know why he decided to do that and I don’t want to care. Kim told me that Alex is trying to speak with Jay but Jared intervened.” I sighed, staring at the sand, pulling my hair down. “I’m tired of the drama. It’s one thing after another. I just want a break.”

“Laryssa.” When I didn’t look up, he cupped my chin so I could look up at him. “You’re confused about Alex.” He stated, his thumb brushing against my skin. “I know you can’t just turn your feelings off. He was your best friend for a long time, he was the one you confided in. It’s alright to miss him-”

“Is it,” I asked, a hit of anger lacing my tone. “Everything was a lie. He was controlling, judgemental, and he didn’t respect my boundaries. He made a bet on something that wasn’t his to take. Why am I missing someone like that?” I was angry at myself for missing him. “If he would’ve just left me alone, none of this would’ve happened.” I blew out the air through my nose, freezing when I realized I snapped at him. “God, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” 

“I know babe,” Paul brushed his thumb against my cheek again. “Everything is confusing. The only thing that makes sense is to take one thing at a time. How does that sound?”

“Less stressful,” I murmured, taking his hand in mine. I couldn’t help but smile when I heard his stomach groan in hunger. “Let’s go to Forks and eat.” 

“You’re not tired?” He asked, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I shook my head, pulling him towards his truck. I could always sleep later, I didn’t want to miss out on time with him. 

**3:46 p.m. Inside the Chiago Household, La Push, Washington**

Paul stared at Laryssa. She glanced at him, sending him a small grin before she focused back on her painting. His eyes trailed down to her neck, seeing the necklace on her neck. She tugged on the turtleneck, adjusting it for the fifth time. She had mentioned that it was only to hide it from Jay, he suspected that she didn’t want anyone to see what Cody had done.

Paul turned his attention back to the notebook, sketching a few designs for his next craving. He listened to her hum to herself. He glanced at the clock knowing that he was going to have to leave her soon. “What time did Kim say she was coming?”

“Five,” Laryssa yawned, rubbing her face to try and keep herself awake. 

Paul set his pencil down, seeing the yellow streak of paint on her cheek. He smirked at her, grabbing his phone to snap a quick picture at how adorable she was. “Babe,” He called, smiling when he captured a few pictures of her. Laryssa tilted her head to the side, quirking an eyebrow up at him. He pocketed his phone, moving towards her. “You look adorable with paint on your cheek.” Laryssa turned to stare at the small mirror, frowning at her reflection. Paul took a small napkin, brushing it against her cheek. “What are you painting?”

Laryssa gritted her teeth together like she was holding back a yawn. “Sunflowers,” She said, closing her eyes when he touched her soft cheek. He couldn’t get enough of the skin to skin contact, it was as if once he started he couldn’t stop. 

“I feel like the tables are reversing,” Paul murmured, seeing her struggle to keep her eyes open. 

“What do you mean,” She asked, leaning into his touch. 

Paul held in his snort when Laryssa sagged into him after he put his arm around her. “Let’s take a nap.”

“But you’re gonna leave in a little bit,” She whined, fighting half-heartedly against his attempts to pick her up. “Do you even want to take a nap?”

“Silly girl,” Paul swooped her into his arms, ignoring her small protests. “I like to sleep whenever I can, I just don’t get too a lot.” He carried her out of her art room and to her room, setting her down on her bed. “How long have you been fighting your sleep?”

“A while,” She mumbled, scooting over for him to lay beside her. He pulled off his shirt, laying beside her. Laryssa moved closer to him, tucking herself under his arm. Paul knew that she was more comfortable with him since they had taken a nap together. His hand stroked her hair absentmindedly. “Paul?”

“Yeah, baby,” He questioned, tilting his head to look down at her. Paul maneuvered himself so he was curled around her. She inhaled deeply, pressing her palms against his torso. He smiled to himself when he realized she was asleep. His fingers stroked her soft dark hair, trying his best to try and focus on sleep. Yet, he couldn’t. “Rest well, baby,” Paul whispered, his fingers trembled against her hair. 

_ F _ _ lashback:  _ __ _ 1:05 p.m. Emily and Sam’s House, La Push, Washington _ _ _

_ Paul grimaced rubbing his shoulder from where Jared sank his teeth in it. It healed on the outside, it didn’t heal on the inside yet he could still feel his skin stitching together. He glared up at the rain, trying to ignore the fact that Jared caught him off guard and it pissed him off. “Paul!” Emily called urgently holding his phone up from underneath the porch. He jogged to the porch, glancing at the unknown caller id. He shook his head, flinging the water at Emily. She smacked him where Jared dug his teeth in wiping the water from her face. “Aren’t you going to answer?” _

_ Paul massaged his shoulder glowering at her as he clicked on the green button. “Hello.” He frowned hearing the scattered chatter from the background. “Who is this?” _

_ “Paul?” Jayden’s voice came through the speaker causing him to falter. Jayden didn’t sound like himself, he sounded wary as the backroom noise ceased, “It’s Jay… Laryssa’s brother?” His mind flashed to Laryssa. She was okay. If she wasn’t she would’ve called him or Kim would’ve. _

_ “Sorry, I didn’t have your number saved. Are you okay,” Paul straightened his spine, hoping nothing was happening with him. _

_ “Uhm yeah…” Jay trailed off, “Did uh Laryssa call you by chance?” Paul could hear him pacing somewhere. _

_ Paul tensed snapping his fingers at Jared when he passed him. “No, she didn’t. Is something going on Jay?” Jared dashing inside signaling that he was going to get his phone. Paul heard him stop pacing. “Is Laryssa okay?” _

_ “I don’t know,” He murmured after a few seconds. Paul raced into the house, fumbling with his keys.“I keep hearing that something happened between her and Rivers. It doesn’t sound like her and I don’t know what’s going on. I thought maybe she called you or texted you and told you what happened.” Paul slammed his hand against the counter, trying to keep his cool. “Sue’s calling me back. I’m sure it’s nothing. I gotta go.” Jay hung up. Paul stared at the phone, ignoring Emily’s concerned voice. His eyes flashed to Jared, seeing him scrolling through his phone. Paul tried to focus on her so his anger didn’t blow up.  _

_ “Kim said Laryssa punched Cody,” Jared said surprise tinting his tone. His eyebrows furrowed at his statement. He couldn’t see her becoming physically violent at all. “Laryssa said she was okay, Kim thinks she’s lying. Kim gave her chocolate to help with her stress. I don’t know much else since Kim had to take a test.” Jared glanced at him, reaching out to touch Paul’s shoulder. “Try calling Laryssa.” Paul fumbled with his phone, his fingers shaking as he tried to pull up her contact. “Emily, will you call Sue?”  _

_ Paul held the phone up to his ear pleading with her to answer. He pinched the bridge of his nose when she didn’t pick up. Paul redialed, “Answer your phone baby.” _

_ “She’s driving home,” Emily asked, tapping Paul’s shoulder gently. He hung up, darting to his truck before they could stop him. He threw himself in the driver seat, peeling out of the driveway. His truck wasn’t going fast enough and he needed to get to her. Paul stepped on the gas when her house came into his sight. He pulled into her driveway, seeing her car parked and her slowly trailing up the porch steps. Paul breathed out a sigh of relief, slamming on his breaks barely putting his truck in park. He jumped out running towards her, watching her take a few steps toward him before breaking out into a sprint. Paul caught her, feeling her push her face into him. “I’ve got you,” he breathed out a sigh of relief, trying to shield her from the rain. “Let’s get you out of the rain.” _

_ “How-,” Laryssa pulled away from him. He took a few seconds to trail over her. Paul saw the tears and the rain. He leaned down, freezing when he saw deep red scratches on her neck. “Paul?” Paul felt his anger start to rise. He already put the pieces together and Rivers was going to pay. He hoped to god that his brain was playing tricks on him and the marks on Laryssa’s neck weren’t real. Paul reached towards her neck, feeling her raised skin. “Rivers,” He needed to confirm. Laryssa shivered, wrapping her arms around herself. “Laryssa, I need you to go inside.” Her brows furrowed as her shaking grew more noticeable. His gaze narrowed in on the marks again and his shaking increased. She wasn’t safe near him and he wasn’t going to risk even more harm coming to her. Paul tried to contain his tremors, “Baby… please.” Laryssa stepped back before she rushed up the stairs. Once her back was turned he darted for the cover of the woods.  _

_ Just as he made it into the treeline, he shifted his focus on Rivers. How dare he put his hands on her. He shouldn’t have left her alone. He knew Rivers was an ass, but not once did he think he was an abusive ass. Rivers flashed through his mind and before he could stop himself he was running towards his house.  _

_ A body barreled into him a few miles from Rivers’ house. “Paul!” Sam’s sharp tone caused him to stop. “Don’t.” _

_ Paul’s memories flashed to Sam showing him all of the reasons why he should. “If this was Emily-” _

_ “No,” Sam shut him down. Paul felt Sam’s sympathy and that was the last thing he wanted, “You can’t harm him. You know that. Control your anger. Right now Laryssa needs you.” Paul froze focusing on Laryssa’s face. “Be with her.” His eyes darted back to the beaten up house, listening to the sounds coming from it. He took a step closer, hearing skin meeting skin harshly. “Go Paul.” _

_ “His father is beating him,” Paul stopped, his ears twitching at the pleads coming from Rivers’ mouth. Sam came to stand next to him as they stared at the house. The anger was beginning to diminish as he listened to Cody cry for his father to stop. He had been on his way to kick his ass, instead, he was feeling sympathy for him. It sounded as if he was being beaten until he was black and blue. “It’s gone on long enough,” Paul sighed, glaring at the broken house. He moved towards the house, nudging the car until the alarm started going off. Darting back to the tree line he saw Cody jump out the window, running as his life depended on it. Paul stared at Cody’s black eyes and a split lip. He could only imagine the pain on his body.  _

_ “Are you going to tell Laryssa,” Sam asked, his gaze still on the father messing with his car.  _

_ “Not now,” Paul closed his eyes seeing the marks on her skin. “I don’t know if I can even shift back,” He admitted, still not feeling in control of his body.  _

_ “Take a moment. Jared is with her,” Sam brushed against his shoulder, “Focus on a happy memory.” He shook out his fur, sniffing the air. He could smell the stale alcohol stench now that the rain had lightened up. Paul’s mind flashed to his mom, remembering her passed out on the sofa with a beer bottle still clutched in her hand. The flash of anger had his temperature rising. Steam was starting to rise off his body. “A happy memory.” He huffed at Sam’s command running back to her house, letting his memories of her wash over him. _

_ Laryssa laughed holding the ice cream out of his reach. Paul made a move to grab her, and she danced out of his reach sending him a breathtaking triumphant grin. He remembered laughing as he chased her around the counter trying to steal a bite. Just as he caught her, she pressed the cool vanilla cone against his cheek. He pulled back with wide eyes seeing her bashful grin.  _

_ Paul felt the familiar pull of his heart calming. He saw Jared pacing back and forth on the porch, glancing at the open door every so often. “C’mon Paul…” _

**4:24 p.m. Inside the Chiago Household, La Push, Washington**

__ Paul blinked when Laryssa pressed her nose into his chest. He smiled down at her wondering how the tip of her nose was so cold. Her hand moved from his chest to his side until she was holding him closer to her. Her legs intertwined with his. Laryssa held onto him like he was her lifeline. It was something he couldn’t quite put into words, he just knew if she woke up she would see his cheeks flush. She sighed softly when he stopped running his fingers through her hair. Paul pressed a quick kiss to the crown of her head, listening to her breathing. “This isn’t you napping with me. It’s more like me drooling all over you while you stare at the walls.”

Paul smirked, pulling back to stare down at her. He didn’t realize she was awake, “I see it more like me getting to keep you in my arms all to myself, even with the drool.” Laryssa snorted peeking up at him rubbing his back. He leaned down brushing his nose against hers, before pressing a quick kiss to her lips. She closed her eyes reaching up to cup his face as she pulled him back to her lips. His eyes closed as he relished in the softness of her. Laryssa grinned against his lips, pulling away for air. Paul tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, moving so that she was sitting on his stomach. She smirked down at him, her hair encasing them in their own personal bubble. His senses were on overdrive with the smell of roses and paint. Paul stared at her, his fingers moving to mess with her necklace. “You’re so beautiful.”

Laryssa blinked rapidly, a small smile working its way onto her face. She sat up brushing her hands across her face, hiding from him. Paul sat up rubbing her lower back, trying to decipher what she was saying through her hands. He leaned towards her pressing a kiss to each of her hands. She peeked at him from between her fingers and he could see her pink cheeks. He grinned at her waiting for her to be comfortable again, he would wait however long she needed. Laryssa took a deep breath in, letting her hands drop to fiddle with her necklace. Her eyes met his and it reminded him of when he imprinted. He reached up to brush his fingers across her cheek, he remembered the anger in her eyes and now that he saw them he could see a different emotion, one that made his heart clench, and his stomach swirl pleasantly. “I think one day my cheeks are going to stay permanently pink.”

“I like the sound of that,” Paul watched her eyes trail over his face. She quirked an eyebrow at him. “Though I might have to fight to keep all the boys away from you.” Laryssa barked out a laugh, rolling her eyes. “I’m not kidding.”

“Even if that was plausible, I only have eyes for you,” Laryssa admitted, running her fingers through her hair. “What,” She questioned when he grinned at her. 

“It’s very plausible,” Paul flipped her, hovering over her ignoring her puzzled look, “but I wanna hear what you said after that.” Laryssa raised her eyebrow, pursing her lips at him. “C’mon baby tell me one more time,” Paul whined showering her face with kisses. 

Laryssa grabbed his face leaning up to press her lips against his. “I only have eyes for you Paul Lahote,” She mumbled against his lips, hooking her leg on his hip. His mind drew a blank as he pulled her closer. Laryssa pulled away smirking at him before she used her body to flip them. Only she misjudged the space on her bed and they both tumbled off. Paul hit the ground with a thud, gawking up at her in shock. “Shit baby, I’m sorry. Are you okay?” She moved quickly pressing her hands to the back of his head, peering closer to his face. 

He sat up with a laugh, taking her hands in his. “You’re amazing,” He brushed his lips against hers. “Damn babe, you really know how to make me lose my breath.” Laryssa groaned burying her face in his shoulder. He chuckled at her, his eyes narrowing in on a shoebox of pictures shoved underneath her bed. Paul reached over plucking the first photo out of the box, seeing himself before he transformed. He froze when he noticed his arm slung around Tif. The one who held the title of first love while simultaneously making him feel like he was nothing. Laryssa lifted her head up, moving so she could see what held his attention. “I wish I met you then,” He murmured, glaring at the offending photo. He destroyed everything of hers and if he could’ve he would’ve erased the memories too. “Then things would’ve been different.”

Laryssa brushed her fingers against Alex in the photo, a sad smile had made its way onto her face. “I don’t think so,” She glanced at him. “That photo was taken five months after my dad died. It was the first time I smiled. I wasn’t who I am now and if we met then I wouldn’t have taken a chance.” Laryssa set her hand on his cheek, pulling him to look at her. “Just like you’re not who you were then. Or am I mistaken?” He thought back to who he was before his shift and she was right. Paul shook his head, resting his head on her chest to listen to the beat of her heart. “Sometimes we have to go through something traumatic or heartbreaking to learn something.”

Even though she was telling him the truth, it didn’t hurt any less when she told him she wouldn’t have taken a chance. If he were being honest, he wouldn’t have even given her a second look. Tif was the only one he had eyes for then. “What did you learn?”

“Not to give up,” Her voice quivered, but she wrapped his arms around him tightly. It was as if the roles reversed and she was holding him together, “to keep fighting even though I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.”

“I guess we met at the moment we were supposed to,” Paul said, rubbing her arms. “Although, I’m not really sure what I learned from that, at least I can’t pinpoint one specific lesson. I just know that I’m happier with you and you have this way o-of making my heart happy Laryssa.” He closed his eyes when he heard Kim and Jared’s voice followed by Jay and Seth’s footsteps. “They’re here,” the disappointment flooded through his tone at the thought of leaving her. He knew she needed it though and he was only a phone call away. He got up, pulling her with him and down the stairs.

**5:26 p.m. Inside the Chiago Household, La Push, Washington**

“Paul,” She called sprinting down the steps, skidding to a stop in front of him. Laryssa grabbed his hand pressing something into it, reaching up to kiss him quickly. She pulled away too fast for his liking and she rubbed her nose against his. “Text me when you make it home,” Laryssa sent a bashful wave to Jared before she jogged back to the house. He glanced down at the paper she placed in his palm, unraveling it slowly. Her writing was messy but he could still make out the words. 

Paul,

I didn’t get a chance to respond since the others came and time seemed to go fast. It feels like that way too often with you. I wish it would stop moving so damn fast so I could have more time with you. Sorry, I’m rambling. What I have with you Paul, I don’t want with anyone else. Like I told you before I tossed us off the bed, I only have eyes for you. I feel alive with you and I’ve never felt that way before. Everything I’ve never done, I want to do with you. 

L. 

“What does it say,” Jared peered over his shoulder, glowering at Paul when he pressed the note into his shirt. “Really?”

He wanted to keep it between him and her for a little longer. “You’ll see it later,” Paul couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face. His eyes darted back to the house, listening to her and Kim laugh. “Laryssa is my imprint and I get to spend the rest of my life with her.”

“It just hit you… didn’t it,” Jared laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. “It only gets more real from here.” 


	15. From The Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe and happy! Thank you to those who have favored, followed, and reviewed you are my inspiration and I appreciate each and every one of you! I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. I hope you guys liked Chapter 13. Here's Chapter 14. I just have a little information for you guys. I quit my job and I actually found a new job and I'm a little stressed out. So, I think my writing is suffering a bit. Please send some good vibes my way! I am going to try my best to not let it interfere with my writing. I still plan on having this as my priority. But, nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> I have posted Scarred Angel on Fanfiction, Tumblr, and Archive of our own as well. Enjoy!
> 
> Always and Forever,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, bullying, anger issues, stress, emotional abuse, and negative thoughts.
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 14: From The Heart

" **We are who we are, because of those we choose to love and because of those who love us."**

― **Kate Mosse, The Winter Ghosts**

**5:06 p.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington**

I glanced at Paul from the corner of my eye, watching him speak quietly to Jay. I could still hear his words from earlier echoing in my ears. I blinked rapidly, when Kim snapped her fingers in front of my face, trying to get my attention. She opened her mouth to say something, but I held my hand up, stopping her. "Give me a few minutes, there is something I have to do," I moved around her, grabbing the notepad from the table, making my way to my art room.

I sat down at my desk. Shoving the art supplies that littered on the top to the side as I frantically looked for my lucky pencil. I breathed out a sigh of relief when I finally found it. I stared at the blank paper, grimacing when I realized that I had no idea what I wanted to say. I am an artist, not a writer. I gnawed on my lip, pleading with my brain to come up with something. I wasn't sure how to respond to Paul or if he even wanted a response to him telling me that I made his heart happy. I had known Paul for almost two months, and he made me feel... I pushed the lead to the notepad several times, closing my eyes, taking a deep breath in. I was making this more complicated than it should be. If my mom had the gift of creating masterpieces with words, then maybe I could tap into her talent. Since I painted with my heart. All I needed to do was write from my heart.

I wrote his name, grimacing at my hideous penmanship. My hand was shaking, and I couldn't seem to keep my hand steady. "I didn't get a chance to respond since the others came, and time seemed to go fast. It feels like that way too often with you. I wish it would stop moving so damn fast so I could have more time with you." I rolled my eyes at what I had written, why was I speaking so much about time. This wasn't supposed to be a message to time. I thought about starting over until I realized I could apologize on the paper for rambling. "Sorry, I'm rambling. What I have with you Paul, I don't want with anyone else." I whispered to myself, ignoring the feeling of vulnerability. I hoped he didn't feel like I was being clingy, it was just the truth. "Like I told you before I tossed us off the bed, I only have eyes for you," I felt the blood rush across my body at my admission. I thought back to earlier when I shoved us off the bed and my body flushed at my mortification. My mind drifted to the feel of his warm hand holding my leg to him. I wanted to cover my face at how brazen I had been, yet that feeling had stirred up something in me. It made me feel alive. "I feel alive with you and I've never felt that way before. Everything I've never done, I want to do with you." I eyed the last sentence nervously, I didn't realize that I had written it.

"Laryssa the boys just left," Kim knocked on the door. I ripped out the paper quickly, folding it so I didn't change my mind about the last sentence.

I opened the door, seeing Kim eyeing me wearily. "I have to give this to Paul." I murmured brushing past her, almost barreling into the screen door. I saw Paul and Jared heading towards his truck. I threw open the door, "Paul," I called, trying not to trip down the steps as I ran to him. I skidded to a stop in front of him, seeing Jared's bewildered look. I knew I looked like a crazy person. Grasping Paul's hand, I pushed the paper in before I chickened out. Moving to my tiptoes, I pressed my lips to his, he moved to deepen it and I pulled away before we could get carried away. I saw the disappointment flash through his eyes when I pulled away. Cupping his face gently I brushed my nose against his. "Text me when you make it home," I stepped away from him, sending a shy wave to Jared when I noticed his smirk. I eyed Paul once last time before I ran back to the house.

"What was that about," Kim asked, resting her arm around Jay. I stared at the two of them, hoping that it was just hot in the room and it wasn't my body flushing with embarrassment. Jay eyed me from my head to my toes. Kim let go of Jay to go peek between the curtains, "He's grinning big." I looked down at my feet, smiling softly to myself. "Love letter?"

I clicked my tongue against my teeth, "No." My fingers trailed up to my hair as I stared at Kim and Jay.

"Kim, can I talk to my sister alone," Jay asked, stepping towards me. I held in my sigh because I knew that it was coming since I haven't seen him since yesterday morning.

"Yeah of course. I'm going to get started on the pizzas'," She said ducking into the kitchen. I listened to her search for the pans.

I moved to the couch, curling my legs under me waiting for Jay to join me. I expected him to sit on the other couch and not right beside me. I glanced at him, seeing a withdrawn look splashed across his face. I wanted to assure him that I was okay. "Maybe once you graduate we should move with mom to New York." I gaped at him in shock. That was the last thing I expected out of his mouth. Just as I was about to shut the idea down he held up his hand. "Hear me out first."

"No. I'm not doing this with you," I rubbed my temples, shaking my head at him when I heard him start to protest again. I didn't want to talk about the possibility of moving to New York with mom. La Push was my home and I didn't want to leave it, even though I knew that I was gonna be the center of attention for a while. "I've always told you that if you wanted to be with mom then you should go. This is my home and I'm not going to leave it."

"Laryssa. Bad memories keep piling up here," Jay whispered through his teeth. The frustration he was trying to keep at bay was starting to seep out. "It's time for us to move on."

"If you want to go... then go. I'm not leaving," I stared at the look of disbelief etched on his face. "Bad things will happen wherever you go."

"I'm not leaving without you," He growled, running his fingers through his hair tugging on his roots. "Someone here put their hands on you. I doubt they would move, so we need to." Jay reached over grabbing my shoulders, shaking me slightly. "Please listen to reason."

"It's not, reason Jayden. It's fear," I took his hands from my shoulders, holding them tightly. "What happened was scary and traumatic-"

"Damn right it was. Cody put his hand around your throat. What's to stop him if he comes at you again in retaliation since he got expelled and everyone hates him. It's you and I here. We don't have Po-" Jay cut himself off as he stood up to start pacing, I dropped my hands to my lap. "You know how anger destroys everything." Jay murmured and I knew that he was taking on the protector role again.

"I'm not scared of him anymore," I sighed, watching him stop his pacing. "I know we don't have dad here and it would be nice if he was, but he's not so I have to handle this. Jay, I understand what you're feeling… I do. But, I'm not gonna run." I grasped his hand pulling him so he was sitting next to me. "I stood up to someone who was bullying me and if he's smart, he will leave me alone. If he's not, then I'll stand up to him again." I placed my hand on his cheek, pulling him so he was looking at me. "If anything, I'm embarrassed because it took me so long to find the courage." I rested my head on his shoulder, "You missed one hell of a punch though," I pulled my hand away from him flexing my fingers. They were sore and it was going to take a while for them to heal. I had grown frustrated earlier when I was trying to paint the sunflowers.

"Collin said it was nice," Jay said, patting my head gently, pulling me from my thoughts. "At least you didn't tuck your thumb. Pops taught you well."

"He showed me how to punch with my thumb tucked in. You're the one who told me that wasn't how you punch," I smirked at him, seeing a small grin make its way on his face.

"I was trying to be modest," Jay complained, shoving my head away from him. "I'm gonna stay the night with Seth so you and Kimberly can hang out." I tilted my head when he said Kim's full name loud enough for her to hear.

"Jayden!" She called sharply coming from the kitchen. I watched her place her hand on her hips as she glared at him. "We talked about this," Jayden smirked at her, using my shoulders to heave himself up. I held my smile when I realized that my little brother had a small crush on Kim. "It's Kim, not Kimberly."

"Sorry, I keep hearing Kimberly," He teased, sending her a charming smile. I glanced between the two of them, wondering what I missed out on. Jay laughed when she swatted at him. "Have fun on your guys' girls night." He turned on his heel, still smiling to himself as he walked towards his room. "Oh and Bossy?" Jay stopped, leaning against the hallway wall.

I closed my eyes breathing in deeply at the old nickname. He hadn't called me that in years. "What do you want Runt," I let the words fall easily from my lips. I could feel the forgotten cherished memories start to swirl from the depths of my mind.

Jay smirked, rubbing his chin, "You got a Lil something." My eyes widened and I darted to the mirror, not seeing anything on my face. I glared at him through the mirror, seeing him holding his stomach as he laughed silently. "You fall for that every time," he wiped the imaginary tear from his eye, turning on his heels when I tossed a pillow at him. Kim walked over to the pillow picking it up, tossing it back on the couch.

I bit my lip, walking over to Kim. I stood in front of her pulling her into a tight hug. Kim wrapped her arms around me just as tight, "Don't do that again. If you're gonna hulk out, you gotta give me a warning so I can hulk out with you." I snorted pulling back to send her a small smile. Kim squished my cheeks in her hands, her eyes gaining a serious tint. "Laryssa, you're my best friend. You can come to me with anything," She stressed, her brown eyes misting over slightly. "I'm here for you and I have your back. Just like you've always had mine."

Tears started to fall from my face at her words. "You're my best friend too Kim," I sniffed, wiping my face. "I'm sorry for not telling you."

"Nothing to apologize for," She said as a small smile graced her face. "Do you want to talk about it or-" I shook my head rapidly, I wanted to have fun. "Let's get started on the girl's night!" Kim yanked me into the kitchen showing me the goodies that she brought.

10:06 p.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington

"No way," I tossed popcorn at her, staring at the TV. "I'd make waffles over pancakes any day."

"You have no taste, Laryssa," Kim snorted, sending me a disappointed look. I pursed my lips at the thought of soggy sugary bread. "Pancakes are way better."

"I have no taste, Kimmie cakes," I couldn't keep my face straight with the nickname. "Says the girl who kills at the chance to eat my food." I leaned my head against the couch trying to catch the kernels in my mouth. "The crunch is what makes it taste divine."

Kim scoffed, catching one of the kernels out of the air popping it into her mouth. "False," She smirked, chewing with her mouth open. "I guess we will just have to agree to disagree." Kim stretched out on the sofa. "Soo, how has Paul been?"

I set the popcorn bowl to the side, turning to face her. "He's been sweet." Kim giggled, sitting up to face me. "Kim, how did it feel when you first got together with Jared?"

"Like I was walking on air," Kim said, running her fingers through her long hair. She winced at how her fingers caught in the tangled strands. I stood up, pulling her with me to my room. I sat her down at my vanity, pulling out my comb from the drawer urging her to continue. "He is my first serious relationship. I mean I had the one from middle school but what I have with Jared is real." I combed her hair gently, grinning at the way she seemed lost in her memories. "I was nervous when we started talking, like why me sort of thing and I thought it was a joke. But he slowly started to gain my trust and everything clicked. Can you braid it?" Kim reached towards the mirror, touching the photo that I had printed of us. I parted her long soft hair, starting to dutch braid her hair. "Y'know the day I realized I loved him was one of the best days of my life. My parents had left for Seattle the day before and he stayed the night with me. I wasn't even nervous, since he spent the whole time making me laugh. When I woke up the next morning, Jared drooled all over the back of my neck. I stayed quiet patiently waiting for him to wake up and I realized that he was everything that I ever wanted. It is like Jared and I are made for each other. When he woke up he was so embarrassed and he got this cute look on his face. It was the kinda look that made me want to cuddle him forever. I didn't care that he drooled or how he snored like he didn't care that I kicked in my sleep or that I constantly move." I tied her hair, grinning at the fact that Jared was a drool monster.

"You kick me in my sleep and I will kick you off the bed," I laughed, playfully pulling on her ear. "Kimmie cakes loves Jared," I teased, squishing her cheeks. "In all seriousness, you guys are goals."

Kim brushed my hands away, leaning towards the mirror pulling out her baby hairs to frame her face. "Looks like you and Paul are well on your way to goals." I sat down on my bed, biting my lip to keep from smiling. "Yeah, I saw the whole love note and nose brushing." I covered my mouth trying to keep the fact that a huge smile wanted to make its way onto my face. "Are you happy?" Kim stretched her hand out. I set my hand in hers, letting the smile overtake my face.

"Yeah, I am," I admitted squeezing her hand. "As for the note, it wasn't a love note. He told me something before you guys came and I didn't get a chance to respond to it. So I wrote down what I wanted to say."

"So what did he say," Kim questioned, wiggling her eyebrows. She moved from the chair, jumping to sit next to me on my bed. "Give me some juicy details."

I giggled to myself. I never thought that I would ever be sitting in my room huddled with my best friend talking about a boy. "He told me that I made his heart happy." Kim squealed, moving to stand up. "But then everyone came and I didn't get a chance to respond, so I wrote it down. I said what I have with him. I don't want anyone else, how alive he made me feel, and that everything I've never done, I want to do with him."

I laughed at her when she shook my shoulders excitedly. "Laryssa that's a love letter!" Kim pulled me up, shoving me out of the room and into the living room. "Sit," I fell back ungracefully onto the couch. I watched her rummage through several of her bags pulling out her laptop. Kim plopped herself next to me, typing in love letters in the search bar.

"What are you doing," I asked, pulling my legs to my chest. I rested my head against her shoulder, looking at the various searches.

"Showing you that you wrote him a love letter," Kim smirked, holding that laptop closer so we could read through them. I snorted, I didn't write Paul a love letter. If anything it was a feelings note. "You're telling me that you don't think what you wrote was a love letter?"

"It was a note of adoration, and affection," I smiled softly. "With a touch of hope," I grabbed the party size bag of peanut M&M's searching for the brown ones.

"Hope," Kim questioned, holding her hand out for one. "One of the blue ones." I hummed picking out a few of the blue candies, placing them in her palm.

"So that I get the chance to experience new things with him," I squished the M&M, setting the bag to the side.

"You don't think that you will," Kim set her laptop off the side turning to face me. "Laryssa is something else going on?"

I shook my head quickly. "No of course not. I'm just hopeful for the future. That's all. No doubts."

"You scared me for a second," Kim let out a deep breath, wiping the imaginary sweat from her brow. I rolled my eyes at her, seeing her smile. "You probably have no idea how happy you made him." I grinned because I had a pretty good idea.

**2:06 a.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington**

I glared at Kim's blanket hogging form, debating if I was going to kick her off. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply, rubbing the sore spot on my lower back. I took her foot out of my tank top feeling slightly bad for Jared. I didn't even understand how her foot had ended up there. Carefully I got out of my bed grabbing my phone, making my way to the couch. I settled on the couch, unlocking my phone brushing my fingers against my lockscreen. His words were still ringing in my ears and I wished that I could see him. I highly doubted that he was awake. That didn't stop me from sending a quick text asking if he was awake. I set my phone to the side trying to find a comfortable position, so I could go back to sleep. My phone started to vibrate rapidly and I picked it up seeing Paul's contact. "Hey," I answered, laying back down adjusting the small throw so it covered my cold feet. "I didn't think you were still awake."

"Are you okay babe?" I frowned at the phone when I realized he sounded groggy. I wished I hadn't texted him.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Did I wake you up," I asked, praying that I didn't wake him up.

"No, I promise," Paul said, "Why are you up?" I heard the shuffling coming from his end.

"Kim kicked me and woke me up. Why are you up," I asked, pulling the throw closer to my chest. I would give anything to have his insane body heat. My body was cold and the small throw wasn't providing any warmth. I tried to get myself to get up and get a blanket.

"Can't sleep. Jared's snoring is loud. Wait she kicked you," Paul's voice crackled on the other end. "Jared said she kicks hard. Are you okay?"

I laughed lightly recalling Kim's story about Jared's drooling. "Yeah she does and I almost shoved her off the bed, but other than that I'm okay." Paul chucked and it sent a shiver down my spine. "Sorry, we didn't get to talk more. Are you okay from earlier? The picture must've shocked you."

"Laryssa, can I come to see you?" He asked suddenly.

I paused glancing down at my phone to see the time. It was late and he still sounded groggy. The last thing I wanted was for him to be out and driving tired. "Of course… Are you okay to drive? I can come to you." I didn't want to leave Kim by herself, but if I could see him for a few minutes longer than I would take them.

"Yeah, I'm wide awake. Trust me," I could hear the smile on his face. "I'd rather come to you, I'll be there in a few minutes. Stay on the phone with me?" I listened to him start up his truck.

"Yeah," I sat up, pushing my hair away from my face. "Fair warning, I look horrible."

"Not possible," Paul countered quickly. "You never look horrible."

"You're a sweetheart," I murmured, getting up to go sit outside. I pulled the throw closer to my body, opening the door. I was cold, but I was too excited to see him. "I can hear your truck coming down the road." I sat on the small bench, seeing the dim lights coming down the road.

"Are you outside? It's freezing," He chided as he pulled into the driveway.

I pushed my hair away from my face, "Good thing my boyfriend who has an insanely high body temp is walking towards me. I should probably go and greet him."

I smirked at him, getting up slowly, "Yeah I guess you could say he's really hot then?" I snorted hanging up on him. I glanced up at him, seeing his bed head. He had been asleep, I noted mentally. "Ouch, hanging up on me. That was harsh baby."

"The hottest," I smirked, wrapping my arms around his waist. I smiled when his arms came to rest around me. A rush of warmth encased me. "Let's go inside."

"Wait," Paul leaned down, his lips brushing against my cheek softly. I hummed closing my eyes, turning my head so that I could pull him into a kiss. My hands trailed up his clothed chest, as I rested my hand on the back of his neck. Paul pulled back, grinning when I whined at the loss of him. "Payback."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Is that how it is?" He laughed, pulling me inside and out of the cold. "I'll remember that." Paul locked the door, turning to head to my room. I pulled on his hand, shaking my head. "Kim's asleep."

"Where are you sleeping?" I pointed to the couch. It was my bed for the rest of the sleepover. There was no way that I was getting kicked again. "It's gonna be a tight squeeze but I'm sure you and I can make it work." Paul laid on the couch opening his arms. I pulled the throw from my shoulders, tucking myself into his arms. Paul hummed once I settled in his embrace. "See we fit perfectly."

"What a relief," I smirked, peeking up at him. Paul looked down at me, shifting slightly so we were lying face to face. I let my hand trailed up to his cheek. "You're so handsome." Paul knocked his head against mine gently as if he were trying to hide his face. He murmured something that I couldn't catch. "Sorry, I didn't catch that." I laughed, running my fingers through his hair, fixing the bed hair.

"First you take my breath away. Now you're making me blush," Paul said, shifted again so he was resting against my chest. "You're the first girl who called me handsome. It looks like we are both experiencing new things." I closed my eyes when I felt his hands settle on my side. The warmth of his hand was seeping through the thin material. "I didn't want to talk about the picture over the phone."

"Do you want to talk about it now," I asked, letting my fingers trail from his hair to his back. I started tracing shapes, on the fabric of his shirt.

"Yeah," Paul let out a deep breath, tugging me closer. "I was a little surprised to see a picture with Tif. She isn't someone I want to remember." I opened my eyes staring up at the ceiling, waiting for him to go on. "She broke my heart. So I don't have fond memories of her, but I'm glad she did what she did."

"Was she the one who liked Cody," I questioned remembering our conversation in Sue's cramped kitchen. I didn't understand why he was glad that he had a broken heart.

"Yeah. She left me for him. She stayed with him until sophomore year, then she left during the fall semester of junior year. I don't know anything else," Paul rolled his shoulders, his fingers skimming over my side. He didn't sound as if he missed her and I didn't realize how much I wanted to know if he missed her or not. "I used to get angry when I saw something that reminded me of her. Like a bitter taste in my mouth. Now, not so much." I pulled him impossibly closer, letting the insecurity simmer down. "I thought about what you said about learning something."

My heart soared when I realized how much he paid attention to what I had to say. "What did you learn?"

Paul shuttered when I ran my fingers down his spine. "That feels good," He sighed as I repeated the action, spurred on by his words. "We were toxic together. It takes two people to work in a relationship. It was always me making an effort to get her to want to be with me. When we fought it was nasty." Paul let out a deep breath. "I learned that what I had with her, is the exact opposite of what I want with you. I want to have a healthy relationship. I want you and I to work together." My heart sped up at his words. I was ecstatic that he thought about the longevity of our relationship. When I told him that I only had eyes for him, I had meant it. I couldn't stop the fear from building in my chest. His words made everything seem so real. I wasn't sure if I was deserving of him. It was my insecurity of not being enough that was creating the fear. "Does that make you uncomfortable?" Paul pulled his head up to look at me. I stared into his eyes, seeing an emotion that I wasn't familiar with. I couldn't understand why he was looking at me like that, I knew that if I was standing it would make my knees feel weak. The past weeks were filled with nothing but my drama and he didn't deserve someone so weak willed. As much as I wanted to be with him, my doubts kept telling me that maybe I wasn't the right one for him. "Laryssa?"

I could feel in my stomach that this was a moment that would change the course of my life. I was at a crossroads. On one side I could be even more vulnerable with him or I could shy away in fear. I had been vulnerable with him and not once had he judged me for it. "I feel scared." I let my hand trail to his cheek. "This feels real and I've never experienced it." Paul sat up quickly, pulling me so I was straddling his lap and he looked as if he wanted to cut me off. I shook my head, silently telling him to wait as I continued with my thoughts. "What if I don't have what it takes to be healthy? Paul, I have a plethora of problems. I know you said that I was worth it, but there are times where I don't think I am. I want you to know that even though I'm telling you this, it's not your job to make me feel better or tell me that I am worth it. It's not something you can change because that's something that comes from within and I have to work at that. With all the drama that has happened has made me realize that I have to talk to a professional." I cupped his cheek fighting the urge not to be vulnerable. "But that's not all I feel. I feel ecstatic alongside the fear of all the possibilities. I want to try with you even if I'm scared. I want to make mistakes with you. More than anything, I want to be with you."

His arms wrapped around me, pulling me into his chest holding me tightly. "Laryssa, thank you for telling me. You know there will come a day where you feel it worthy." He adjusted his grip so he could look at me. I held his gaze, letting my nose brush against his. "I know you will and I'll be right beside you." Paul leaned up pressing a kiss to my forehead. "It's scary for me too. We can set the pace, however fast we want Laryssa." I nodded, letting out a small sigh in relief that I wasn't the only one nervous. Paul let himself fall back into the couch. I quirked an eyebrow at him as I sat on his torso. He opened his arms, inviting me to lay on top of him.

I smirked as a devious plan came into my mind. I leaned down letting my lips brush against his lightly, feeling his hands going to settle on my waist. Paul leaned up lightly and I took the opportunity to pull back, "Told you I'd remember." I kissed his nose lightly, snuggling into his neck, grinning against his skin.

Paul scoffed, maneuvering me so that I was lying underneath him. "I give," He whispered before pressing his lips against mine. His hands tugged me against him, and there wasn't another place I would rather be. I held him to me tightly so that a piece of paper couldn't get between us. I gasped slightly when his hand wandered under my shirt. His hand trailed against my stomach until it rested on my back holding me to him. In my shock, he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. The warmth of his hand on my bare skin and the feel of his soft lips against mine was making me feel pleasurably dizzy. My body was pleasantly warm from him and I could hardly think straight. I pulled away to breathe, my eyes rolling back when his lips traveled down my neck. I let my hands wander from their place on his neck. It was like an urgency to feel more of him. My hands wandered under his thin shirt. Paul groaned, lowly when my fingers trailed against the muscles on his back. He pulled away from my neck, smiling down at me and kissed my lips. "Thank you for remembering," Paul whispered, brushing his nose against mine.

I smiled, brushing my finger across his bottom lip. "Anytime, handsome." He closed his eyes, chuckling. I tugged him so that he was resting his weight on me. I loved the feeling of him close to me. He tensed slightly, "Are you uncomfortable?"

"I'm heavy baby," Paul started to lift himself off of me.

"What if I told you that you aren't," I countered holding him. He glanced at me doubtfully, "You aren't. It's not like I'm picking you up," I ran my nails through his hair, feeling him hesitantly relaxing into me. "You don't have to stay like this if you don't feel comfortable."

"I don't wanna crush you. Can we try when we are on a bed?" Paul moved, turning us so that we were facing each other. He rested his head on my chest, slinging his arm over my side.

"I'd like that," I murmured, cuddling him closer.

* * *

08/09/2020


	16. Finding My Courage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe and happy! Thank you to those who have favored, followed, and reviewed you are my inspiration, and I appreciate each one of you! Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope you guys liked Chapter 14. Here’s Chapter 15. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> I have posted Scarred Angel on Fanfiction, and Archive of our own as well. Enjoy!
> 
> Always and Forever,
> 
> Ari.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, bullying, anger issues, stress, emotional abuse, and negative thoughts.
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 15: Finding My Courage

“We are not trapped or locked up in these bones. No, no. We are free to change. And love changes us. And if we can love one another, we can break open the sky.”

―  **Walter Mosley,** [ **Blue Light** ](https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/336464)

**1:56 p.m. Classroom 9, La Push High, La Push, Washington**

I tapped my fingers against the desk, thankful that the day was almost over. I peeked at Embry next to me, seeing him still passed out on our table. Since we had completed our worksheet early, there wasn’t any more work for us to do. I glanced around the classroom seeing no eyes directed at me. From what I could hear, nothing was being whispered about me. Instead, I heard whispers about a new junior female student who had made an appearance today. Which had shoved me, thankfully off the gossip column. I found myself empathizing with the new student, and I couldn’t imagine starting a new school so late in the year. I picked up my pencil and started to draw Batman symbols on Embry’s notebook. I still didn't understand why he like Batman when Superman was way better. 

“Pst!”

I glanced up from the doodles, seeing the two girls in front of me, turning to face me. I raised an eyebrow at them, wondering what they wanted. If they ever needed something, they always talked to Embry instead of me. I set my pencil down, waiting for one of them to speak to me directly instead of giggling to each other. They whispered back and forth, glancing at Embry slumbering away. I envied him; I wanted to sleep in class too, but I was too uncomfortable to sleep around strangers. I let out a small sigh, picking my pencil back up since they were too busy giggling.

“Marissa!” The girl who sat directly in front of me, patted my hand, trying to regain my attention. Irritation that I had once been able to keep at bay was now threatening to spill over. It wasn’t irritation at her, not knowing my name, since I didn’t know hers. It was an irritation that they expected me to wait until their giggles died down. 

“Who the hell is, Marissa?” Embry sat up, stretching his arms above his head. I shrugged my shoulders, moving my hand away from the touches, going back to the doodles. 

“Your name isn’t Marissa,” The hand returned, setting itself on my wrist. I breathed in deeply; I didn't particularly appreciate being touched by people I wasn’t comfortable with. I glanced at the girl, seeing a small frown on her face. 

“No,” I moved my hands so that they were settled on my lap. The girl tucked her dark hair behind her ear, setting her hand on my desk. “Did you need something,” I asked, wondering why she was so upset. I glanced at Embry from the corner of my eye, seeing him resting his head on his arm and his eyes closed. I could see the dark circles underneath his eyes, and part of me wondered why the tribe needed security so late at night. It seemed to be impacting the guy’s sleep schedule. 

“Oh, uhm,” the girl looked at her friend for help. Her friend shrugged, turning to face the classroom's front, leaving her to struggle with her reasoning on her interruption. The girl eyed Embry, her cheeks coloring slightly as she messed with a folded piece of paper. I realized that she had found her courage to ask Embry out. The past few weeks I’d seen her shy glances towards him, while he remained oblivious. Her eyes met mine, and she held a small piece of paper up in embarrassment. She pointed to the paper and then to Embry’s notebook. I opened his notebook, letting her set the paper in it. She smiled in thanks. “What’s your name?”

“Laryssa,” I sent her a small smile as I readjusted Embry’s notebook, so it looked as if it wasn't carrying her number. She mouthed 'thank you' before she turned around and started giggling with her friend again. I'd wished that I had asked what her name was. Embry groaned as he sat up again, leaning sleepily against the brick wall. He scratched his head, letting out a small yawn. He blinked his eyes a few times, sending me a tired smile. “Getting enough rest Em?”

He shook his head, yawning again, causing me to press my palm into my face to stop myself from mirroring him. “Eh.” I shook my head, fiddling with my uncomfortable turtle neck. “You’re good,” He murmured, flipping through his notebook. Stopping at the page with the loose paper that the girl in front of me put in his notebook. I looked at him curiously, wondering how he knew that I was trying to cover my scratches. I had only shown a handful of people, and he hadn’t been one of them. There was no way that he saw them since I knew my turtle neck hid them well. Before I could ask how he knew, he asked, “What’s this?” 

“Dunno,” I offered as if I never even helped her put it there, tapping my fingers against the desk, hoping he would put the paperback in the notebook even though I was mildly curious about what it said.

Embry hummed opening the paper, his eyebrows furrowing at whatever was on it. He turned his hand, showing me a piece of paper with a phone number and a lipgloss kiss. Before I could stop my eyes, they darted to the girl who had gone rigid in her seat in front of me. Embry closed the paper, setting it on the table a light blush coating his cheeks. He glanced at the girl, thoughtfully, “Hey, Dani?”

I bit my lip when Dani slowly turned to face him. “Yeah,” Her voice sounded soft and hopeful. 

I watched Embry stare at her head-on with a hopeful expression for a few seconds before a dejected expression crossed his face. “Did you get the answer to question number three? Laryssa and I don’t think we have the right answer.” 

Dani blinked a few times before nodding. I glanced down at my worksheet, seeing number three’s question. It was the most straightforward question on our worksheet.“It’s Ag. Was that all Embry?”

“Ye...Yeah,” His voice caught in his throat. Dani turned around, disappointed at his response. I glanced at him, wondering why he asked that question. Embry shook his head at me, and I didn’t push. He must have had his reasons, and I didn’t want to make him feel bad. I pulled my bag from the floor, remembering how he said that he was a stress eater. I had half of a chocolate bar left, and chocolate always made me feel at ease. I set it on his desk, sending him a small smile. “Thanks,” He sounded dejected, and I hadn’t seen him this down since he had stopped talking to Quil. I wondered if he missed him.

“Hey Em,” I asked, my voice dropping, hoping that Dani wasn’t listening in on our conversation. I didn’t want her to get the wrong idea. “Are you busy after school?” Embry shook his head as he broke the chocolate off piece by piece. “Do you wanna be one of my taste testers? I have to make churros for Seth and Jay for their Spanish party next week, and I have to practice.” Embry perked up lightly at my offer for food, “Seth and Jay will be there too.” 

“You don’t mind?” I shook my head, gathering my things when the bell rang. Dani and her friend picked their items quickly. Her friend turned to glare at Embry. I shrunk back when she turned her glare to me. “I’ll finally get to taste the food Paul, Kim and Jared rave about.” I chuckled, ignoring Dani’s friend, handing Embry my paper so he could turn it in. 

“It’s a taste test Em. It might not be good,” I offered, thinking about my other foods' multiple trials and errors. I shuttered internally when I thought about the pasta I had handmade. I stood up straighter when I saw Paul waiting outside the classroom. It sucked that he had to work today, and I only got to see him for a few minutes. 

“It will be a thousand times better than Paul’s food,” Embry smirked, turning to his locker. “I’ll meet you by your car!” 

I shook my head at him, smiling up at Paul. “Your food is seasoned really well.” Paul rolled his eyes, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “I’ll teach you not to put shells in your eggs.” I laughed to myself, hiking my bag on my shoulder. 

“Stop kissing up,” Paul let out a puff of air. “Call’s, gonna be the taste taster?” I nodded, trying to think if I needed anything from my locker. “You promised to save some for me,” He reminded, tossing his arm over my shoulder. 

“I will! I have a container that has a sticky note that says, ‘Paul’s do not touch,'” I said, thinking about Embry’s weird interaction with Dani. It was like he was looking for something in her eyes. 

“Do me a favor,” Paul said, leaning down to speak into my ear. I raised an eyebrow at him nodding. “Put the note on yourself.” 

I stared at him wide-eyed while he cracked up. I put my hand on my mouth, trying to smother the smile. I could feel my body hum with excitement. “Just for that comment, I’m not saving you anything.”

“Baby, don’t be like that,” He laughed, taking my hand in his, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. “It was right there, and you make the cutest faces when you get flustered.” He pressed a kiss to my hand, “I’ll behave. Scouts honor.”

“You were never a boy scout,” I rolled my eyes playfully. “You have one more try, Lahote, to save your snacks.” I glanced at the near-empty hall. In just a few months, I wouldn’t have to set foot in this school ever again. Paul had gone silent, and I looked back at him. 

My eyes darted back to his when his hand cupped my cheek. I could feel the excitement swirl in my stomach. His thumb swiped over my cheek, and my eyes closed at his simple touch. I thought back to the night when he came to see me when Kim slept over. The feel of his hands on my skin made me crave more. I started wondering if I would ever grow used to the feeling of him. “Open your eyes, Laryssa,” my eyes opened at his voice, and I realized how close he was to me. “I'll give you my word that I’ll behave.” I stared into his deep brown eyes, getting lost in them. “Do you believe me?” I nodded, wanting to pull him into me. He grinned at me, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of my lips. I whined at the quick contact, and that caused him to smile even wider. He knew what he did to me. “Later, baby.”

I frowned up at him, “I’ll hold you to that.” I turned away from him, tugging him outside. “Your snacks are safe for now.”

“That’s not the snack I’m excited for.” I paused in my hurry to get out of the building. I faced him, putting a playfully angry face on. Paul laughed, cupping my cheeks again. “That’s the last one I promise.”

I grabbed his hands, pulling them from my cheeks, “Since you’re so excited, don’t ya want an early bite?” I laughed when his eyes widened, and his jaw dropped. I waited for his answer, but it seemed like a cat came outta nowhere, catching his tongue. “Shame, I guess you have to wait for later.” I stood on my toes, pressing a swift kiss to the corner of his lips just like he had done to me. I let his hands go, and I turned on my heels, smirking to myself.  _ Two can play that game.  _

I smiled when I heard his footsteps rushing towards me. His warm warms wound themselves around me in a back hug. “Can it be later?” I laughed, shaking my head at him. 

**4:52 p.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington**

I stared at the three boys wondering if they liked the cinnamon sugar snack. They each had masks of indifference on their faces. It was like they all silently agreed not to tell me what they thought. I narrowed my eyes at the weakest link, knowing that he would be the first to break at my pleads. “Seth?” He couldn’t meet my gaze, as he chewed thoughtfully. “This isn’t helping,” I let my voice whine slightly, hoping he would crack. 

“I like it,” He grinned, sending a glare to Jay when he elbowed him. “It tastes good!” I jumped up excited, taking a bite of the fried dough. I chewed thoughtfully, skimming the recipe, wondering what I could add. I didn’t like it with just cinnamon and sugar. 

“Try it with this,” Embry pushed the little bowl filled with chocolate towards me. I pulled out a spoon drizzling the melted chocolate over it. I took another bite chewing slowly. I nodded my head at it. “It’s good.”

I eyed my silent little brother seeing him setting his half-eaten churro on his plate. “It’s soggy. I don’t like cinnamon.” 

“Fair. I can keep it in the oil longer. Okay, well, your party is next week. I can make the churros for Seth and something different for you,” Jay shrugged, staring at the table. “Alright, there is a milk cake I could do or flan.” He didn’t answer me. I paused, unsure what his deal was, deciding just to let him be as I turned my attention to Seth. “You do like the churro’s Seth?” He nodded enthusiastically, glancing at Jay. 

I caught his gaze, and I knew I didn’t imagine Jay’s attitude. “Can you two stop glancing at each other like that?” I jumped when Jay slammed his hand on the table. I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering what his problem was. “Seth, my sister, wouldn’t dare date you. You’re like a freaking puppy. Quit it!”

“Jayden,” I snapped, seeing Seth’s crestfallen face. Jay’s eyes darted to me, and I faltered, seeing anger in his brown orbs. “You need to calm down.” He rolled his eyes, pushing himself away from the table so hard the chair fell to the floor. Jayden faced me, his eyes blazing. “Take a walk or go to your room to cool off.” 

“You’re not my mom,” He scoffed, leaving the room. I rolled my eyes as I counted mentally in my head to ten. “I’m tired of you trying to act like you are.” I winced as the door slammed shut. 

“I’m sorry,” I apologized to Embry and Seth, willing myself not to feel mortified at my brother’s anger. “I don’t know what happened.” I frowned at Seth’s clenched fist. “Seth, I-”

“It’s okay, Rys.” Seth forced a smile on his face. “It’s a silly little crush. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” His hands moved to his lap. “I have a crush on Collin’s cousin too,” His voice didn’t sound upbeat like it usually did. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” I wanted to reach out and ruffle his hair like I usually did, but I didn’t want to embarrass him. “That was a jackass move, and you need to give him hell for that.” Seth smiled, slightly shaking his head. I paused when I saw that his smile didn’t meet his eyes. “I think Collin’s cousin has a crush on you too,” I smiled when he looked up at me. I wanted him to smile genuinely. “Tell you what since you’re probably feeling vulnerable, I’ll tell you something I haven’t told anyone and it makes me cringe when I think of it.” Embry picked up the fallen chair. “But all of this stays between the three of us,” I offered, seeing Seth and Embry nod in agreement. “When I was a freshman, I had a crush on John Gray.”

“Really,” Seth asked with a wide grin. I nodded, feeling my body start to warm at my admission. It was weird now that I thought about it. “I won’t tell anyone. Promise!”

“I know,” I reached over, ruffling Seth’s hair, stopping when he turned a light pink. “I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but I see you as my little brother, I always have. Nothing will change that, okay? I’m not uncomfortable, and I don’t want you to be. We can't control how we feel.”

Seth nodded, “Thanks, Rys.” I nodded, setting the extras in Paul’s container and setting the sticky note to the side. “I’m gonna walk home; you’ll make the churro’s for me?”

“Of course! Here take these, share with your family. Text me when you get home, so I know you made it home safe.” Seth took the container, a light pink hue still on his cheeks. I walked him towards the door, taking the umbrella from the stand. “Just in case.” I watched him jog down the steps, my blood boiling at the audacity of Jayden. I walked back to the kitchen, seeing Embry messing with his phone. “Sorry about that, Em. I don’t know what came over him.”

“I get it. Is your brother usually quick to get angry,” He asked, getting up to help me clean up the kitchen. I waved him off, but he bumped my hip. “My mom always makes me help clean. It’ll feel weird if I don’t help you.”

I chuckled, pulling down another container. I took some of Paul's churros that I had saved, putting them in the other box. “I should’ve trained Jayden,” I muttered, closing the containers. “No, I don’t know what his problem is. I hope Seth gives him hell.” Embry clicked his tongue as he started to dry the dishes. “Can I ask you something?” I didn’t want to talk about my annoying little brother anymore. 

“You just did,” He snarked back, laughing when I splashed water on him. “Ask away.”

“Were you nervous to ask her out? I mean Dani seemed into you,” I saw his hands falter when he dried the bowl. From his reaction, I’d known that I hit the nail on the head. “It’s just she seemed into you.”

Embry set the bowl down, slinging the dishtowel over his shoulder. “I know she is. When I looked at her, I didn’t feel anything.” I hummed, wondering what he wanted to feel. I had felt fury and fear when I first looked at Paul. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was a hopeless romantic, and he wanted to feel his breath taken away. “I wished I did. Dani’s a cool girl.” 

“What did you want to feel,” I inquired, rinsing the last bowl. Dani had been confident, and I loved it. I couldn’t imagine feeling so confident to give a cute boy a note with a kiss and my number attached to it. I admired her for going after what she wanted.

Embry grabbed the bowl drying it, a thoughtful expression on his face. “I’m not sure if I can explain it. What did you feel when you saw Paul?” I sensed that he wasn’t in the mood to talk about it, so I didn’t mind the subject's change.

I drained the water, pursing my lips. “Fury, fear, and... courage,” I smirked, thinking back to that day. If only I had known how much of a sweetheart he was, then there wouldn’t have been a need to fear him. “To tell you the truth, that was the first time in a long time that I had felt courage.” I jumped to sit on the counter. When I was younger, I had been a confident girl. I wasn’t afraid to speak my mind. I wasn’t scared to be loud. My dad had encouraged it, and he would always say that it was better to speak your mind than bite your tongue. When he died, it was like everything he taught me had died with him. It had felt like I was exposed, and I had no one in my corner anymore. “Embry, you know me. If someone stepped on my artwork, I would apologize, or I would brush it off. But it was different. I guess, in a way, I learned to find the courage I once had.” When I saw the ruined portrait, I had felt the confidence I once had for a few seconds. It was almost as if I had my dad beside me again.

“That was unbelievably sappy. I feel like you just shoved syrup down my throat,” Embry made a face at me. I scoffed at him, kicking him lightly. I rolled my eyes at him, making fun of me for being sappy, even though he was the one that asked. “You guys are disgustingly cheesy. God, he  _ thinks _ about you all the time.”

I stopped short, raising my eyebrows at him.“How do you know what he thinks?”

Embry’s eyes widened, and he held his hands up, “speaks. Paul speaks about you all the time. Sorry, I’m exhausted.” I got the feeling that he was lying because there was no way that Embry knew what Paul thought. Right on cue, Embry let out the biggest fake yawn. He couldn’t fake a yawn since I’d see him yawn so many times in class. “See, tired.”

I eyed him, jumping down from the counter. “If you say so crazy. I’ll take you home. Here,” I grabbed the container. “Share with your mom.” Embry nodded, holding his bag. “I should make you walk home for the sappy comment. But, since you liked the churros, I’ll take you home.” 

**10:36 p.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington**

I fiddled with the sticky note, debating whether I wanted to send the pic I had taken earlier. I felt awkward, looking at it. It was a simple picture where my hair in a messy bun actually looked pretty in the photo. The sticky note was resting on my puckered lips as I pretended I was blowing Paul a kiss in the picture. I sighed when I decided not to send it.  _ So much for being confident.  _ It would be better if I just showed it to him, so there was only one copy. I froze when my thumb hit the send button, and I watched in horror as the picture was sent. “No… No…” I smacked my forehead, throwing my body back on the bed. “Shit.” I buried my face in my pillow, screaming into it. “He was going to tease me nonstop now.” I tossed my pillow to the side, looking at the text, hoping to see the notification message failed to send. I kicked my legs when I saw the word delivered under the photo. “Laryssa, you are an idiot.” 

I sat up quickly when I saw that the word delivered had changed to read. I froze when the three little dots appeared. Paul had said he would be at work until midnight, and I didn't think that he would be on his phone. I swallowed hard as I watched the three dots eagerly. I tugged my hair out of the bun, freezing when my phone started buzzing. My stomach fluttered in anticipation as I looked at the screen. I frowned when I realized that Billy, not Paul, was calling me. 

I hit the green button, “Hi Billy, everything alright?” It wasn’t like him to be calling so late. If he needed anything, he usually called after school or on the weekends.

“Where’s Jayden,” Billy got straight to the point. 

My heart stopped at his question. I faltered, remembering hearing the front door and his bedroom door slam earlier around six. “In his room, why?”

“Go check.” His command sent fear down my chest. I got up and put the phone on speakerphone, as I padded to his door. I knocked on his door, “Don’t knock. Go in!” I opened the door, freezing when his room was empty. “Is he there?”

“No,” I gritted out, seeing his window open. “He came home around six. We had an argument, but he came home. His window is open. What’s going on?”

“Charlie picked him up for drinking.” I muted the phone so that Billy couldn’t hear my curses. “Meet me at the station. See you soon.” Billy hung up, and all I could see was red. 

_ He knew better. After what dad…  _ “No. Stop.” I couldn’t go down that road. I sat on his bed, crossing my arms under my collarbone, breathing in deeply as my hands alternated between pats. Once I felt calm enough, I got up, closing his window, and locking it. I had to be rational, and I knew my little brother. He wouldn’t drink. “He could’ve been with friends that were drinking,” I said out loud. My brother despised alcohol. I rushed to my room, shimming into jeans, tossing my scarf around my neck, and shoving my feet into my rain boots. I grabbed my jacket scarf, a blanket, and his jacket. I could hear the rain coming down hard, and right now, driving in the rain was going to suck. “Please be okay.” 

I ran out into the rain, slipping slightly on the wet asphalt. I grunted at the pain stemming from my healing hand as I caught myself by crashing against the car door. I tossed the blanket and his jacket onto the passenger seat. I got in slamming the door with more force than necessary. I fumbled with the keys, ignoring the cold that was seeping into my skin, and I tried not to think of the yelling I was going to get from mom. 

**11:26 p.m. Forks Police Station, Forks, Washington**

I sat in the chair beside Billy, clenching my jaw tightly, so I didn’t do any more damage. My eyes shot to the other officers in the building looking at Billy and I. I could see what they thought of us from their eyes. I met one of the older officers' gaze, not daring to back down from his heated stare. He looked away first, glancing at the file in his hand. I got up when Charlie entered the room. He beckoned Billy and me into his small office. I grabbed the handles on the wheelchair, holding onto them tightly as I pushed him forward. We entered the small office, and my eyes immediately were drawn to my little brother, withdrawn into himself. I moved from behind Billy, walking over to him stiffly. Jay wouldn’t dare meet my eyes. I let out a deep breath as I kneeled so that I was at his eye level. I set my hands on his knees, silently telling him to look at me. 

_ “Are you okay,” _ I hoped that he remembered the language that we haven’t spoken since dad had died. 

Jay nodded once, still not daring to meet my gaze.  _ “I didn’t do anything.” _

_ “I believe you.”  _ I put my hands on top of his curled fists, frowning when I realized how cold he was. I took my scarf off, wrapping it around his neck. I set his jacket over his lap,  _ “Put it on.” _ I turned back to Charlie and Billy, speaking quietly. “What is going on?”

Charlie sat himself down heavily in his seat as if the world was suddenly bearing down on his shoulders. “He was rounded up with a few other kids for drinking. Since he’s Danny’s boy, I called Billy so he won’t spend a night in a cell. He’ll be let off with a warning, if this happens again I’ll have to keep him here.” 

I clenched my jaw, reminding myself to stay calm. I opened my mouth to tell Charlie what Jay told me.  _ “Drop it.”  _ I frowned at Billy, shaking my head. “ _ Pick your battles.”  _

Billy had heard what Jay had said, and I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t defending him. A cold hand latched on my wrist, and I glanced back to see Jayden shaking his head at me. “The other kids… are they alright?” 

“Yes. Unfortunately, this isn’t their first offense.” Charlie sighed, rubbing his jaw. My heart broke at his words, and it never got easier hearing that. I hated that they were lost at the bottom of the bottle. “I don’t want to meet like this again, Jayden. Remember what we talked about.”

“It won’t happen again, sir,” Jayden’s voice trembled. “I didn’t touch the beer. I was just hanging out with them. I admit I was curious. But I couldn’t, I was scared of what would happen if I did.” I wanted to pull him closer and shield him from this. It was killing me that I couldn’t. He had made a mistake, and he was dealing with the consequences of it. 

“I’ll hold you to that,” Charlie nodded, staring at me. “It’s late, and you two should get home.” 

I stood up from the chair, holding my hand out to Charlie. “Thank you, Chief Swann. It won't happen again.” 

“I believe it,” Charlie sent me a half-smile, squeezing my hand tightly. “Take comfort that he’s okay and that this hopefully made him realize he needs to make better decisions.” 

I nodded, letting go of his hand, turning to Billy. Before I could speak, he grabbed my hand.  _ “Go home. We can talk tomorrow. Get some rest.”  _

I bent down to kiss him on the cheek. I put my arm around Jay’s shoulders, guiding him out of the station. I pulled him close when I met the old officer’s gaze. From the look of disgust on his face, I could already tell what he was thinking.  _ “Don’t look at them,”  _ I whispered, shielding him from them. Once we were out of the stuffy building, I felt like I could breathe easier. I pulled him towards the car, stopping to look at him. I put my hands on his cheeks, scanning over him, feeling semi relieved that he was okay physically. I didn’t know how he was mentally. “Do you want to talk when we get home?”

Jay nodded, burying his head into my shoulder. “I’m sorry,” He sobbed into my jacket. I held him to me tightly, trying to keep him together. “I’m so sorry.” 

“I know. I’ve got you,” I breathed, rocking Jay back and forth. “I’ve got you.” 

**12:43 a.m. Chiago Household, La Push, Washington**

I turned off the car, thankful that Jay had fallen asleep along the way, and from what I could see, he was sleeping peacefully. It seemed as if his body was just dead tired. I sat quietly for a few minutes, watching the rain splash against the windshield. I was trying to prepare myself mentally for the phone call to mom. I could hear the screams about how her baby boy was in handcuffs and how I had failed him. Her anger wouldn’t be misplaced, I had slacked, and if I had just gone into his room to check on him earlier, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. I leaned over, shaking him awake. 

“Wake up.” His eyes shot open, and he sat up quickly, taking in his surroundings. “We can talk about this tomorrow.” I got out of the car, feeling the cold rain seep through my clothes. 

I trucked to the house, grimacing at the mud on my boots. I listened to the car door close quietly and the squish of his shoes in the mud. I tugged my feet out of my boots, setting them beside the door so I didn’t trail in the mud. I busied myself with turning the lights on in the house. I peeled my jacket off, tossing it on the kitchen table. I grabbed a glass from the dish rack, filling it with tap water from the sink. I tapped my nails against the glass, the events finally hitting me, and I felt the weariness start to seep in my bones. “Laryssa.”

I set the glass to the side, turning to face Jay. I took in his wet clothes and the lost look on his face. I send him a small smile trying to put him at ease. I could sense his inner turmoil. I walked to him slowly, like as if I made any fast moves he was gonna scare. I unwrapped my scarf from his neck, helping him out of his jacket. Setting his jacket to the side, I put my arm around his damp shoulder, leading him to the restroom. “Shower, and we’ll go from there,” I said, turning on the water. “Your clothes will be on the sink.” I left the restroom, cranking up the heat on the thermostat as I went. I opened his door, grabbing some comfortable clothes for him. It seemed as if the events of what happened were finally hitting him. I let myself back into the restroom, setting his clothes on the sink. I trailed back to his room, fixing his bed and picking up the clothes thrown across the room. I heard the shower stop, and I darted to the linen closet pulling out dad’s tattered blanket. I spread it out on his bed, just as he walked in. I glanced at him, seeing water dripping down the sides of his face. “C’ mere,” I patted the bed, waiting for him to sit down. He sat down, staring blankly at the wall. I grabbed the towel from his chair, working on drying his hair. “Wanna talk about it?” 

He shook his head as I dried his hair. It was quiet in the room, and I wasn’t sure what he needed. Once I was satisfied with his hair, I patted his cheek gently. I let go of him, tossing the towel over my shoulder. Just as I was about to leave the room, his hand snatched my wrist in a death grip. “Will… Will you stay with me? Like… when we were younger.” 

“Of course,” I laid him down, pulling the blanket up to his chin. “I’ll turn the light off.” I hit the switch, going back to his bed. I leaned against the wall, setting my hand in his hair. I started humming the lullaby that dad used to sing to us when we had nightmares. I closed my eyes, and I remembered the feel of my dad’s hand in my hair as he sang to me after the massive fight with mom. “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.” I murmured when I heard his breath start to even out, “you make me happy when skies are gray.” I winced when my voice cracked on a few of the words. “You’ll always know Jay, how much I love you.”

**3:23 a.m. Chiago Household, La Push, Washington**

I opened my eyes, wincing at the soreness in my neck. I hadn’t meant to fall asleep. I stretched, getting up slowly from Jay’s bed. I left him room, stubbing my toe on something he had on his floor. I held in my yelp of pain, leaning against the hallway. I rubbed my toe, heading towards the living room to turn the lights off. I opened the front door, checking to see if Jay had locked the screen door. I froze when I saw a large shadow of a bear beside my car. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, looking at my car again only to see nothing there. I frowned when I didn’t see anything there. “Jeez, I need to stop scaring myself,” I whispered, locking the screen door. I closed the front door making my rounds through the house, checking the locks, and turning the lights off. I stopped at Jay’s room, “Bad dreams, go away. Good dreams, here to stay.” I whispered the mantra three more times, closing the door to his room. I walked into my room, wincing at the mess. I wanted to clean up, but I was tired, and I still had to make a phone call. I sank onto my bed, pulling out my phone. I perked up slightly when I saw a few messages from Paul. 

**Paul: DAMN, look at my baby!**

**Paul: Beautiful!! Taking my breath away for the thousandth time.**

**Paul: Is it later?**

I felt like I had sent the photo a lifetime ago. I smiled at Paul's response, “I adore you,” I whispered to his text. I hadn’t realized how much those three texts would make me feel better. I pushed my hand against my chest, trying to gather my courage. I got up from my bed, walking to my wall of photos, touching my dad’s smiling face. “You taught me so much, and I had forgotten it. But I’m remembering, and I’m trying. I’m scared about what I’m about to do, but maybe it’s what he needs.” I let out a deep breath, dialing my mom’s number. 

I was interrupting her morning run, and that alone would piss her off. The line clicked over, and my heart almost stopped, “You know better than to call me when I’m running!” I glared at the wall, even though I had expected that reaction, it still disappointed me. God forbid I interrupt one running session. “Hello!”

“Man, you can’t ever forget about yourself for one damn minute,” I tried to shove the sudden rush of anger down. “You just don’t change, do you?” I sank onto my bed, “I’m calling because something happened. Why else would I call at three forty in the morning?” I heard her sharp intake of breath, and I continued before she could stop me. “Jayden was taken in last night because he was hanging around other kids who were drinking. It was around ten-thirty when I got the call from Billy. I didn’t know that he snuck out of the house. Charlie let him go with a warning, but that’s all I know. I brought him home and stayed with him until he fell asleep.”

It was quiet on her end, and I wasn’t even sure if she was still on the line. “Is my baby okay,” Her voice was soft, and it threw me for a loop. I was expecting anger and yelling.

“I don’t know, mom. He experienced this trauma, and you know how the cops are,” I murmured, remembering the stare from the working officers. I knew how some of them felt towards us. They didn’t see us as anything more than drunks. “He snapped at me earlier for trying to be you.”

“Tell me the start of it, Marie. The reason he snapped at you.” Her voice was firm, yet soft, and I could no longer hear the background's voices. My heart sped up at the sound of my middle name. She hadn’t called me that in years. “Sweetheart?”

I shook myself from my daze, “Jay and Seth had asked me to make something for their Spanish class next Friday. I was testing out how to make churros to see if they would like them. Seth liked them, and Jay didn’t. So I offered to make the churro’s for Seth and a milk cake or flan for Jay. Then he got upset and outed Seth’s crush on me. I told him that he was out of line and to go cool off. He told me to stop acting like you because I wasn’t you. Then he left to take a walk. He came back around six, and I was in my room doing my homework. Then Billy called, and you know the rest.”

“Okay… Right now, I can’t come home. The book tour is going to start. Marie, you’re going to have to handle this.”

“But mom.” The voices in the background came back, and I knew I lost her. I lost the chance of her caring.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry. I’ll be right there Luce,” Her voice lost the softness. “Marie, I have to go. I know you can handle this.” 

I balled my fist, standing up, glaring at the photo that housed her face. “Whatever you say, Grace. It’s always about you and what you want or need. Your book will always take precedent above us. I wish Dad were here, so at least we had a parent who cared about us. Just so you know Grace, Jay isn’t a little task you can check off. He’s your son, he has feelings, and he is crying out for you. He wants his mom. I’m going to do my best to fill the gaping hole that you're leaving, not for you to feel at ease. But for him. Have a nice fucking book tour.” I hung up, blocking her number, tearing down the only photo I had of her in my room. My brother mattered more than a book tour, and she couldn’t see it. Once my contract ended with her, I was done supporting her dream. I looked at the photo crumbling it.

**10:23 a.m. Chiago Household, La Push, Washington**

“I met them when I went on my walk. The other kids offered to hang out. I know you wouldn’t have let me go since you didn’t know who they were, so I snuck out.” Jay sat on the couch, holding his mug of hot chocolate closer to his chest. “I know you’re upset, but it’s not gonna happen again.” 

“You’re right, it’s not,” I said, setting my mug to the side. “I’m not upset; I’m disappointed. You made a stupid decision, and it could have gone in a worse direction. We live in an area where some of the people are against us.” My mind flashed to Nurse Noriss and the multiple people in police uniforms. “Those people are in positions of authority. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is. We have to be mindful of what we are doing and who we are with.” I watched his face turn downcast. “Jay, I love you so much, and I’m here. But, the sneaking out and the snapping needs to stop. I’m not going to put up with it.”

“Okay,” He said with a small nod. 

“You’re grounded. That means no video games, television, and no social media for two weeks. That is your punishment. I’m willing to let you hang out with your friends, but the trust will be completely gone if you mess it up. Also, the chores are shifting to you too. If I cook, you will do the dishes. You will wash your laundry, fold your clothes, and put them away. You will also dust the house and clean the restroom. This is no longer me doing everything, and it’s going to be split between us.” I watched his fingers tap against his mug and his wince at the new aspect of chores. “Also, Seth deserves an apology. What you said was out of line.”

“Okay. How am I supposed to apologize to Seth,” Jay huffed, setting his mug down to throw himself back on the couch. 

He was so dramatic, but I wasn’t going to budge. “I’m sure you’ll find a way.” I got up, setting my mug in the kitchen. “Alright, I’m going to meet with Billy. Text me if you leave. Please, don’t do something to make me start doubting the trust I have with you.” 

“I won’t,” He sat up, sending me a small smile. I nodded, setting my hand on his shoulder, pressing a quick kiss to his head. 

**10:54 a.m. Chiago Driveway, La Push, Washington**

“Hey,” I smiled into the phone, tapping my fingers against the steering wheel. “You’re probably busy. I hope that you got a decent sleep, and you had good dreams. The churros weren’t that great, but I know you probably still want to try them. Maybe if you aren’t busy later, we can hang out? I’m going to Billy’s right now. So, talk to you soon, Babe.”

I hung up, starting the car. I pulled out of the driveway, making my way to Billy’s. I grimaced at the rain that began to pour. I hummed to myself as I fiddled with the heater. I knew Billy was going to be upset when he found out how I punished Jay. I pulled into the driveway, putting the car in park. I turned in my seat, searching for my spare jacket. I groaned when I couldn’t find it. I was going to have to run in the rain, and Billy’s house was always freezing. I whined, pushing my face into the steering wheel. 

I sat up, getting out of my car, dashing to the front door. I knocked on the door urgently, hoping that he would come to the door quickly. I shuffled uncomfortably when I felt the rain pelt my skin, and it was freezing. After a few minutes, the door finally opened, and I practically threw myself inside. I stumbled into an insanely warm body. I looked up, seeing Jake shirtless, and he felt as warm as Paul. He frowned at me. “Haven’t heard of a jacket?”

“I forgot it.” I straightened up, brushing the water from my face. “Have a spare towel, by chance. Or a jacket?” 

Jake rolled his eyes, turning on his heel. I stood on the small mat, feeling my body start to shiver. I grabbed my hair, pulling it up into a tight bun. I smiled gratefully when Jake came back. I took our old towel and the jacket from Jake, wiping the water from me and shrugging on the jacket. “Jay, okay?” I nodded, letting out a yawn. “Good. I’m heading out, and he’s in the living room.” I glanced out when I heard the rumble of his truck. 

Jake grimaced, and I felt the tension shift into the small space. Jake pushed past me, and he yanked the rickety door open. I grasped his wrist before he went out. “Are you trying to get sick? You don’t have a shirt!” 

He pulled his hand from my grasp, “I’ll be fine.” I watched in horror as he walked out into the downpour.

I rubbed my eyes when I saw steam rising from him. I frowned at how impossible it was, “Laryssa!” I ignored Billy’s call as I continued to watch Jake. I watched a girl slam their old truck door and stomp towards Jake, calling out frantically. She didn’t even seem freaked out from the steam radiating from him. “Laryssa,” Billy called again, from behind me. I saw four figures emerge from the treeline. I flinched when a rough hand pulled on my arm. “Come inside.”

I looked down at Billy, noticing her wasn't even concerned about his son walking in the rain without a shirt. Or the fact that Jake had steam rising from him. "But..."

"Now, it's cold." He said, closing the door. He wheeled himself back towards the living room. I stayed by the door, watching the girl walk dejectedly to her truck. "Leave her alone."

I rolled my eyes at him, opening the door, grabbing the spare umbrella, and darting towards her. I skidded to a stop beside her as I held the umbrella up, shielding us from the rain. I offered her the towel, waiting for her to take it. She glanced back at the treeline. "You'll get sick, let me walk you back, so you don't get soaked any more," I proposed, glancing at the treeline. I squinted, seeing five shirtless figures, still waiting at the treeline. 

"Thanks," She pulled my attention away from the figures. I sent her a small smile as I walked her back to the truck. 

"Be careful driving," I eyed her worn tires. They weren't too bad, but she could still hydroplane. The pale girl nodded, getting into her truck. I stepped away, rushing back into the house. I set the umbrella to the side, closing the squeaky door. "Your son can get sick by running around shirtless," I stated, moving to make myself comfortable on the leather recliner. 

"He'll be fine. He's a protector… a warrior," Billy dismissed, glancing out the window. "Jayden?"

"He's alright, I grounded him," I pulled Jake's jacket closer to me, wondering why the guys were running around shirtless, it didn't matter if he was a protector. I considered how Paul and the other guys had similar body temperatures. I frowned when I realized that I had seen steam surrounding the guys. They all had buffed up pretty quickly. Embry had been scrawny one day, and then he had been out for a few weeks, and he came back with muscles, short hair, and a warmer body temp. It was like he had changed so much in a short timespan.

"Laryssa," Billy said sharply, withdrawing me from my thoughts. 

"Sorry I couldn't sleep last night." It wasn't exactly a lie, more like a half-truth. "What did you say?"

"How did you ground him?" He sent me a look of disapproval, but I couldn't find it in myself to care. 

"No TV, social media, or video games for two weeks." I thought it sounded like a pretty good punishment. He was reliant on video games, and that would affect him the most. I wanted to grin slightly when I took his consol out of his room and locked it in my room. 

"So, he can still hang out with friends?" I nodded, pushing my sleeve into my mouth to cover my yawn. "No good enough."

I shrugged, I didn't really worry that it wasn't good enough for him. It was a chance for my brother to show that he could be trusted. "Gr- Mom permitted me to handle this. So I'm deciding to trust him. Dad would've done the same thing."

"She's not coming?" I shook my head, wanting to get off the topic of Grace. "I miss Danny if he were here this wouldn't have happened."

"You and me both," I bit my lip, cursing my dad for being so reckless and Grace for being so selfish. "But he's not here, and neither is she. So, it's up to me to be there for Jay." I looked at my shoes. I just wanted to go to sleep. What happened wore me out. "I'm going to go home. I'm beat, and I have a deadline coming up soon."

"Tell Jay I'll be by later to get him. I need his help around the house," Billy set his hand on top of mine. "I'm sorry you have to be a parent to him. It's not fair."

"Life isn't fair," I sent him a half-smile. "We just have to make the best of what's given to us."

"You are your daddy's daughter." I let out a small laugh.  _ Hell yeah, I am.  _ I kissed Billy's cheek. "Get some rest this weekend." 

**8:49 p.m. Chiago Household, La Push, Washington**

I saved the file, stretching my hands above my head. My back was achy, and I couldn't draw my mind away from Paul and the others. Something was going on, and I wasn't sure what it was.  _ Protector. Warrior.  _ The words rang in my ears. Why would the tribe hire teenage boys to be security? It didn't make any sense. What could we possibly need protection from so late at night? My mind flashed back to this morning when I banged my toe. It had felt like a book, and Jay didn't like to read any books besides Dad's journals. I made my way to his room, searching underneath the piles of dirty clothes. I sat on my knees when I found the journal. I brushed the top of the journal, smiling at his pretty handwriting. 

"Dad, I think I'm going crazy. I'm entertaining the idea about-" I paused when I heard a knock on the front door. I got up, setting the journal on his dresser, wondering who was coming by so late. I opened the door, seeing Paul smiling at me sheepishly holding boxes of pizza in his hand. I grinned at him, stepping back so he could come in. 

"Hey babe," He pressed a kiss to the side of my lips as he walked in. "Jay texted me saying that he wasn't home, but you were working on another deadline, and he told me to bring you food." I shut the door, trailing behind him as he set the pizza's on the counter. "He said that you probably forgot to eat." 

He was such a thoughtful little brat. "I'm starving," I murmured, feeling shy when my stomach grumbled. "Thank you." 

Paul turned around quickly, pulling me into his arms, brushing his nose against mine. "I missed you." 

I shivered at his words, cupping his cheeks. "I missed you too." I stood on my toes, pressing my lips to his. He smiled against my lips, and his arms tightened around me. I pulled back, noticing the dark circles under his eyes. I felt terrible that he had come to see me instead of going to get some rest. 

"Don't overthink, I was gonna come see you regardless." He kissed the tip of my nose, letting go of me. "I can see that you are starting to feel bad, but nothing was gonna stop me from coming to see my girl." He turned around, getting two glasses from the cabinet. I looked at the ground, biting my lip to smother the wide grin—my _ girl.  _ I liked the sound of that. Before I could stop myself, I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing myself into his back, since I couldn't find the words to express what I was feeling. His hand drifted down to where mine was resting, and he stroked the back of mine lightly. 

"Do you wanna have a picnic in the living room," I asked when I felt myself relax as I started to pull back slightly. 

Paul's handheld onto mine so that I couldn't pull away from him entirely. "Y...Yeah," His voice hitched. "I'll meet you in there. Want your usual drink?" 

I nodded, pressing a quick kiss to his shoulder blade, beaming when I saw his wide grin. I made my way to the living room, pushing the coffee table off to the side. I laid the throw on the floor, turning the lights, so they weren't as harsh. I arranged the pillows on the floor, feeling giddy. I smiled at Paul when he came into the living room, his hands full. I grabbed the pizza from his hands, setting them on the coffee table. He set the drinks down, but he yanked me into his arms before I could sit down. Paul dipped me, pressing his soft lips against mine. My hands wove into his hair as I pulled him closer. His hands splayed over my lower back, and every thought I had left me. It was only him on my mind. He moved back up, pulling back slightly. "Seeing you smile is the best part of my day." 

"You make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world." I held him closer to me, resting my head on his heart. I could hear it pound faster. I held in my chuckle when I listened to our stomachs grumble. "Let's eat." 

**9:33 p.m. Chiago Household, La Push, Washington**

I tossed the mushroom at him, cheering when he caught it in his mouth. "What aren't you good at?"

"Singing," He grinned, leaning against the couch as he stared at me. "Cooking. I'm good at everything else."

I rolled my eyes at him, picking the olives off my pizza. "So cocky, Lahote." He smirked at me, drinking his coke. "How was your night?" 

"Slow," He shrugged, setting his palm on my leg. "I don't have another evening shift until Thursday and Friday." I nodded, leaning against his leg, feeling the warmth seep through my shirt. I smiled at him, happy that he was going to be able to get some sleep. "What's going through your head, Rys." 

"I'm happy that you get to have some good rest," I put my hand on top of his, messing with his fingers' tips. "I worry that you don't get enough rest."

"I don't mean to make you worry," He frowned, taking my hand in his. He measured the size of his hand against mine. His hand dwarfed mine. "But, I'm not taking the five-hour energies anymore." 

"I can believe you were drinking so many of them," I thought back to the countless bottles that were on his floor. "The taste didn't bother you?"

"It was nasty, but I needed the energy. I was pulling several late shifts because-" Paul stopped, looking at the door. He paused for a few moments listening to something. I strained my hearing, but I couldn't hear anything besides the brushing a branch against the house. "Sorry, I thought I heard something." He rubbed his eyes, blinking a few times. 

"It might just be the branch that I need to trim. Do you want to stay the night here," I asked, shoving down the shy feeling that was beginning to bubble up. 

He had stayed overnight with me several times, but I wasn't sure if he would get in trouble with his dad, or if he even wanted too. "Are you okay with it?" 

"Of course." Paul grinned at my immediate answer. He pulled me towards him, wrapping his arm around my shoulder as I rested against him, looking at the old paintings strung up proudly on the wall. "What's your most precious memory so far?" 

He hummed, shifting so that he was more comfortable. I leaned over, grabbing the spare pillow. I set it behind him, settling back against him when he seemed more relaxed. "Thanks, babe. I have two memories that are precious to me, and I can't just pick one." Paul flexed his hand, "when I was younger, my mom would put me to bed, and she would tell me random stories that involved whatever I was into and whatever I was scared of. Like transformers battling sharks." I grabbed his hand, massaging his palm as I tried to imagine Paul when he was younger, and his mom telling him thrilling stories of his favorite heroes battling his fears. "The other one is when you gave me the painting you made for me."

"I managed to capture you perfectly," I noted, thinking back to when I started painting it. I had stood at the blank canvas for a while as I debated whether I wanted to paint it, and I was thrilled that I decided too. I was semi stunned that the painting was in Paul's top precious memories. "I was so relieved when you told me that you liked it." 

"What are yours," Paul questioned, resting his head against mine. I had so many to choose from, and I didn't know what to pick. 

"The first important painting that I did. My dad bought it, framed it, and took it to work. One day, I had gone to his work, and I walked into him, praising my art to his coworkers. I was so embarrassed because of how proud he was. But as I look back, that was awesome of him." I laughed, remembering the bear hug he had given me to cheer me up. I felt a small pang of sadness when I realized he would never meet Paul. "The other is how I met you."

"What why," He spluttered out, sitting up to stare at me. "I was an ass to you."

"Not the whole day. You apologized, and I apologized, and you were forgiven, and so was I. But I realized something, when I stood up to you," I trailed off, thinking of my conversation with Em. I faced him, putting my hand on his face when I realized how distraught he was. "That day, I found my hidden courage. You helped me find something that I'd forgotten. I mean, if we didn't meet that way, I would probably still be under Alex's thumb. So the way we met is a precious memory for me. Not only for that but because I met you." I let the words fall from my lips easily. Paul was always the first to initiate being vulnerable, and I think he was starting to rub off on me. I could feel my pulse beating in my ears. "You've become someone very impor... important to me, and I... I just want y...you to know that." I closed my eyes, embarrassed that I was tripping over my words. I slowly started to pull my hand away from his cheek. 

His handheld mine fast, "Laryssa, look at me," I opened my eyes slowly, not seeing his distraught face, "you are important to me too. You will never stay under someone's thumb." Paul pulled me closer to him, brushing his fingers against my cheek. "From what I've seen, you face your problems head-on." I pressed my face into his palm, letting out a content sigh. "You're so cute."

"Hush, before you make me blush," I laughed, taking his hand in mine. I looked at our intertwined hands, focusing on how warm he was. "You're really warm... So is Jake. Are you guys sick? Or getting sick?" I felt him tense, and my eyes shot to him. "Oh my god, you are!" I pulled away from him, starting to get up to get a wet cloth. 

"Babe... Hold on. C'mere, I'm not sick," He settled me back into his side. "That's something I wanted to talk to you about... Tomorrow." 

I peeked at him, "You're not sick?"

"No, I can do a backflip if you want me to," I heard the grin in his voice. 

"You just wanna do a backflip... Show off," I breathed in ease, letting him take my hand. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah," He yawned, leaning his head against mine. 

"C'mon," I kissed his cheek, getting up. I held my hands out for him to take. "You can show me your backflip tomorrow." He glowered at me when I wiggled my fingers at him. 

Paul took my hands, getting up, so he towered over me. "Teasing me?" I shook my head playfully. "Sure you aren't," Paul grabbed me, slinging me over his shoulder. I giggled when he twirled me around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated 8/30/2020

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, I hope it was decent. Let me know what you think.
> 
> Edited on January 11, 2020.


End file.
